Venting It's frustrating that people don't understand that depression is all mental

[ClownMe]

It's hard to believe that in 2021, with all the studies, science and "awareness about mental health" there is out there that a good chunk of people still don't think mental illness is a real thing.

Sadly for me, my mum is one of these. Whenever i try to tell her about my chronic depression she firstly suggests that I just "go and get help" (ive been to get help before and have tried all different types of medication and therapy, none of which have worked). once i tell her this, she will just get mad and act like it's an easy fix, "just get a hobbie", "find meaning in your life", "you know how to fix this, you just choose to be miserable". It always amazes me that she knows so little about mental illness, if it were that easy then suicide wouldn't be a thing because nobody would be depressed!

People don't seem to realise that when you've been depressed for such a long time, you can't find a hobby or a purpose in life because to a chronically depressed person, everything feels like shit. You can't flick a switch and be magically happy, you're brain doesn't allow it, every suicidal person wishes they could be happy in life, but they can't!

I don't wish chronic depression and suicidal thoughts on anyone because i've been dealing with it for over 8 years now, however sometimes I wish people who've never experienced it could feel how we feel for a few months, the world would be a much more understanding place.

I hope that one day, long after im gone, everyone finally comes to realise how mentally debilitating it is to live with a mental illness, but i doubt that we will ever see that day.

 

[deathisnear]

I feel this post to the core. I have had depression since I was young and have dealt with it my whole life. I also wouldn't wish it on anyone, there is NO WAY for anyone to understand what depression truly feels like unless they experience it themselves. Now that doesn't mean that I haven't had good times and good memories, I have, people don't understand however that the depression is ALWAYS There ... even on the "good" days. Over the past year, there have been no good days. I hope after I'm gone that people will have a better understanding of depression and mental illness as well, I plan on leaving a LENGTHY note to explain how tormented my mind has been. People have tried to get me to get help, but truthfully, I don't want it. It doesn't work and it won't get better. There is only one thing that will bring me peace and that's ctb.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I agree with you and relate to your experiences. I am sorry for the ignorance and insensitivity you have to endure, and that many of us unfortunately have to contend with on a regular basis.

I take issue with the term "mental" illnesses personally, because they are taken considerably less seriously than "physical" illnesses.

These illnesses are physical. Research has shown that mental illnesses impact areas of the brain, our nerve cells, loss of gray matter and more. They are diseases of the brain, so why are they not treated as such?

The term "mental" seems to suggest that these conditions "just happen" in a vacuum, and that we can "choose" to be rid of them with some invisible magical mind power. When you consider what they actually are and the profound, tangible impact they have on the body and brain, phrases like "get a hobby", "go for a walk" and "be more positive" sound ludicrous.

Yet because people categorise "mental health" entirely separately from "physical health", their perception is completely different. A person with a broken arm or leg wouldn't be told to heal their bones through sheer force of will, so why are we expected to achieve this when we have depression, anxiety, PTSD etc. - conditions that physically alter and damage the brain?

Although ignorance plays a role, I often wonder if the complexity of mental health difficulties results in them being simplified. The same applies to other invisible ailments, such as CFS/ME. They are often undermined and deemed to be psychosomatic, because like mental illnesses, they usually cannot be seen or touched.

There are numerous biological and environmental factors (including systemic issues such as lack of access to healthcare, poverty, background and much more) that can cause or exacerbate mental illnesses. Prevention and treatment is not a simple process, and there is no cure-all for everyone. Therefore, the default fallback seems to be gaslighting and victim-blaming, instead of acknowledging their struggles and doing something to help.

It is easier to repair a broken arm than a broken society.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, they don't!
You should've met my ex therapists. She was ridiculous!!

She used to tell me things like "things are not so bad as you think", "you just gotta see the bright side of life", "death is not good", etc.

 

[FuneralCry]

Many people who don't suffer with a mental illness themselves simply cannot comprehend what it is like. Just because it is invisible doesn't mean it is not real. Our thoughts are simply out of our control so it is irrational for people to tell us just to change the way we are. They can literally torture us and there is no escape from ourselves. Many disorders are simply too complex, for therapy like cbt to help.

 

[a.h]

It's hard to believe that in 2021, with all the studies, science and "awareness about mental health" there is out there that a good chunk of people still don't think mental illness is a real thing.

Sadly for me, my mum is one of these. Whenever i try to tell her about my chronic depression she firstly suggests that I just "go and get help" (ive been to get help before and have tried all different types of medication and therapy, none of which have worked). once i tell her this, she will just get mad and act like it's an easy fix, "just get a hobbie", "find meaning in your life", "you know how to fix this, you just choose to be miserable". It always amazes me that she knows so little about mental illness, if it were that easy then suicide wouldn't be a thing because nobody would be depressed!

People don't seem to realise that when you've been depressed for such a long time, you can't find a hobby or a purpose in life because to a chronically depressed person, everything feels like shit. You can't flick a switch and be magically happy, you're brain doesn't allow it, every suicidal person wishes they could be happy in life, but they can't!

I don't wish chronic depression and suicidal thoughts on anyone because i've been dealing with it for over 8 years now, however sometimes I wish people who've never experienced it could feel how we feel for a few months, the world would be a much more understanding place.

I hope that one day, long after im gone, everyone finally comes to realise how mentally debilitating it is to live with a mental illness, but i doubt that we will ever see that day

I feel bad you have to hear that.

Could you ask her to read about depression to understand that it's physical illness that causes mental suffering and physical and mental pain. It could be caused by continuous stress, inflammation in brain and/or chemical imbalances. Researchers don't yet know for sure what even causes it.

Physical Effects of Depression on the Brain

Depression is more than feeling down. There’s evidence It may physically change your brain. Here’s what you need to know.

www.webmd.com

For example some anesthesia drugs like Laughing Gas (Nitrous Oxide) has taken depression symptoms off instantly from people with cronic depression. So clearly it is physical illness.

 

[Zzzzz]

I feel bad you have to hear that.

Could you ask her to read about depression to understand that it's physical illness that causes mental suffering and physical and mental pain. It could be caused by continuous stress, inflammation in brain and/or chemical imbalances. Researchers don't yet know for sure what even causes it.

Physical Effects of Depression on the Brain

Depression is more than feeling down. There’s evidence It may physically change your brain. Here’s what you need to know.

www.webmd.com

For example some anesthesia drugs like Laughing Gas (Nitrous Oxide) has taken depression symptoms off instantly from people with cronic depression. So clearly it is physical illness.

I could use some laughing gas

 

[NormaJeane]

We all live in the cave of Plato - people can not understand something they have never seen or experienced. And most people are stupid. If they will go through the same thing and have the same health as you, maybe then they will understand.

 

[The Lonely]

The thing about depression is that people give up on the who is suffering from this.

In the beginning people try to help and everything. But as the times pass and you don't get better… people just slowly go away…

As your situation gets worse, more and more people just go back into their lives and pretend you don't exist. Is totally like they already don't count on you… In their head they totally "kill you" and move on.

This process is painful… is like have being buried alive. From that point on, when you discover that people already grieved you while you were still alive, fighting alone(…).

Thats when you understand what you're supposed "to do".

(I've been fighting soo much again this cruelty: to be judged, condemned and isolated as depression was a character flaw).
Well, I'm not winning anymore but I wish you guys could thrive!

 

[LastFlowers]

Hmm..I actually have the opposite issue..people conflating the cause with the symptoms.
I am depressed but I am not mentally ill (in the inherently diseased sense) my mental and emotional distress are but symptoms of a permanent, tangible problem, and the domino effect it has set off.
Sure, over time, misery degrades the mind, but it was never the mind that caused the misery in the first place, not in my case.

Yet it seems the majority would like to put every woe under the umbrella of the "chemical imbalance" theory, which is extremely dismissive to those who are dealing with physical, circumstantial, or any external source of suffering.

In my experience, that is usually why therapy and meds do not work and only make the predicament worse.
(Yet every last one of us will eventually be blamed for our "treatment" lacking any success, whether we suffer from the way our brain works, or from a reaction to our surroundings/physically perceptible aggravators.)

So your scenario seems to prove that even those who source their depression in the mind are let down and failed by the current mental health structure and techniques.
I am sorry for that, looks like we are all getting fucked over by willful ignorance within personal relationships and the overarching authority of professionals who are basically playing guinea pig games, "treating" and never curing.

The thing about depression is that people give up on the who is suffering from this.

In the beginning people try to help and everything. But as the times pass and you don't get better… people just slowly go away…

As your situation gets worse, more and more people just go back into their lives and pretend you don't exist. Is totally like they already don't count on you… In their head they totally "kill you" and move on.

This process is painful… is like have being buried alive. From that point on, when you discover that people already grieved you while you were still alive, fighting alone(…).

Thats when you understand what you're supposed "to do".

(I've been fighting soo much again this cruelty: to be judged, condemned and isolated as depression was a character flaw).
Well, I'm not winning anymore but I wish you guys could thrive!

You worded that so simply yet so perfectly,
that is precisely what is happening!

I am already a ghost. And my suffering a forgotten cry, weathered into dust over time in the minds of others- if it was ever given a place there to begin with.

In a way, my suicide will feel like the last step of a million, not much different than the one that came before it.
(At least to all others outside of myself.)

 

[alwaysSuffering]

I'm 40 and I've had lifelong depression. My dog (who was my world) died 3 weeks ago and my already severe depression has been even more severe and I've been suicidal. I don't get out of bed and I cry all day. From family, I've heard "you need to get over this already," "you need to straighten up and fly right," "you need to stop moping around all day," etc.

I've also been discriminated against from my workplace who think I'm just making everything up so that I could work from home. I have a "reasonable accommodation" to work from home due to my PTSD (which I was diagnosed with while in college a long time ago). So my reasonable accommodation is that I can work from home because I can't handle the work environment. But I've had to deal with things like my boss saying that they expect me to come in for various things that they decide upon, when they decide (which is illegal). If I was blind and had a reasonable accommodation to use a reader machine because I couldn't read the screen, the boss wouldn't say "well, we're giving you a reasonable accommodation to use a reader machine since you can't see, but on certain days, I expect you not to use the reader machine and just read like a normal person."

This is just an example of how mental illness is stigmatized and doesn't receive the same understanding as physical disabilities. People think you can just CHOOSE not to have a mental illness. Obviously, NONE of us would choose to be depressed/anxious all the time if we had the option to be happy. There wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry for psychiatry/therapy. People would just go "oh, I'll just be happy" rather than spending years in therapy and trying dozens of medications and spending tons of money trying to feel better.

 

[The Lonely]

Hmm..I actually have the opposite issue..people conflating the cause with the symptoms.
I am depressed but I am not mentally ill (in the inherently diseased sense) my mental and emotional distress are but symptoms of a permanent, tangible problem, and the domino effect it has set off.
Sure, over time, misery degrades the mind, but it was never the mind that caused the misery in the first place, not in my case.

Yet it seems the majority would like to put every woe under the umbrella of the "chemical imbalance" theory, which is extremely dismissive to those who are dealing with physical, circumstantial, or any external source of suffering.

In my experience, that is usually why therapy and meds do not work and only make the predicament worse.
(Yet every last one of us will eventually be blamed for our "treatment" lacking any success, whether we suffer from the way our brain works, or from a reaction to our surroundings/physically perceptible aggravators.)

So your scenario seems to prove that even those who source their depression in the mind are let down and failed by the current mental health structure and techniques.
I am sorry for that, looks like we are all getting fucked over by willful ignorance within personal relationships and the overarching authority of professionals who are basically playing guinea pig games, "treating" and never curing.

You worded that so simply yet so perfectly,
that is precisely what is happening!

I am already a ghost. And my suffering a forgotten cry, weathered into dust over time in the minds of others- if it was ever given a place there to begin with.

In a way, my suicide will feel like the last step of a million, not much different than the one that came before it.
(At least to all others outside of myself.)

I'm sending you hugs!
yeah, I know… it's scary to suffer this "ghosting" process…

In my depression i got the environment issues, the genes and everything ...

I just can't say if to leave others behind is a mother's nature thing (only the strongest must thrive), Which I can comprehend, Together with the knowledge about where did my inherited genes came from.

 

[a.h]

Hmm..I actually have the opposite issue..people conflating the cause with the symptoms.
I am depressed but I am not mentally ill (in the inherently diseased sense) my mental and emotional distress are but symptoms of a permanent, tangible problem, and the domino effect it has set off.
Sure, over time, misery degrades the mind, but it was never the mind that caused the misery in the first place, not in my case.

Yet it seems the majority would like to put every woe under the umbrella of the "chemical imbalance" theory, which is extremely dismissive to those who are dealing with physical, circumstantial, or any external source of suffering.

In my experience, that is usually why therapy and meds do not work and only make the predicament worse.
(Yet every last one of us will eventually be blamed for our "treatment" lacking any success, whether we suffer from the way our brain works, or from a reaction to our surroundings/physically perceptible aggravators.)

So your scenario seems to prove that even those who source their depression in the mind are let down and failed by the current mental health structure and techniques.
I am sorry for that, looks like we are all getting fucked over by willful ignorance within personal relationships and the overarching authority of professionals who are basically playing guinea pig games, "treating" and never curing.

You worded that so simply yet so perfectly,
that is precisely what is happening!

I am already a ghost. And my suffering a forgotten cry, weathered into dust over time in the minds of others- if it was ever given a place there to begin with.

In a way, my suicide will feel like the last step of a million, not much different than the one that came before it.
(At least to all others outside of myself.)

In my country if you have valid reason like loss of family member or severe physical pain and you felt the anxiety, insomnia, anguish, sadness and mental pain do to it you wouldn't be seen as depressed even if by the depression questionnaire you were severely depressed. Instead those are seen as normal reactions.

 

[goat]

When you're debilitated by years of severe depression, at the verge of suicide and that basic "live love laught" bish comes to you to tell you should try jogging and drinking WATER to get better :D

Oh boy

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

It's even worse when you're depressed because of unfixable things, there's just no chance of getting better.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm not depressed due to 'mental illness'. I'm depressed due to having a shit life.

 

[UKscotty]

Too many say just man up and get on.

Suicidal thoughts are caused by depression which is a chemical imbalance, we can't just think our way out of it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's even worse when you're depressed because of unfixable things, there's just no chance of getting better.

I'm not depressed due to 'mental illness'. I'm depressed due to having a shit life.

When depression and MH issues are induced by external circumstances then the only cure is to change those circumstances. Otherwise, there's no solution to the problem. Unfortunately, those circumstances often cannot be changed for various reasons - the downward spiral starts spinning faster and faster.

 

[Linda]

You can't really understand what depresssion is like until you have experienced it. I might have been as unsympathetic as your mother, if I hadn't had a very nasty 8 months of depression long ago. I nearly didn't survive it.
If she can think scientifically, you could point out to her that it has been repeatedly demonstrated that depression (or, at least, many cases of depression) are related to imbalances of neurotransmitters in a person's brain. Those imbalances have been measured. Does your mother suppose that the highly skilled scientists who measured them were making it all up?
Unfortunately, we still don't fully understand what is going on in depression, which is why a cure remains elusive. But to suggest that you can fix a broken brain by willpower is as stupid as suggesting that you can fix a broken leg by willpower.

 

[floating_cloud]

The lack of understanding of what depression is also contributes to people who have it not know they do and call themselves lazy and stuff like that

 

[untothedepths]

I think many of the people who don't believe mental illness or in personality disorders probably has a lack of empathy or a mental disorder themselves. They were given some pro/con of being able to just tough it out through life no matter what, and because they can, that means everyone else has to as well. They are a "shining example" of how to be. Other times its being duped by being around people like that, who delude other people into thinking and believing that way usually to their own detriment. They too probably have their own issues too. I'm more understandable with the later than the former. There is probably no changing the perspective of the know it all until they actually go through something, and it probably has to be enough for them to want to CTB. Unfortunately, those people may lie and abuse others to get a leg up again or feel better about themselves.

 

[Linda]

I think many of the people who don't believe mental illness or in personality disorders probably has a lack of empathy or a mental disorder themselves. They were given some pro/con of being able to just tough it out through life no matter what, and because they can, that means everyone else has to as well. They are a "shining example" of how to be. Other times its being duped by being around people like that, who delude other people into thinking and believing that way usually to their own detriment. They too probably have their own issues too. I'm more understandable with the later than the former. There is probably no changing the perspective of the know it all until they actually go through something, and it probably has to be enough for them to want to CTB. Unfortunately, those people may lie and abuse others to get a leg up again or feel better about themselves.

Those people might learn that trying to tough it out may work up to a point, but beyond that point it becomes disastrous. My own preference is to tackle problems head on - that's just my personality - but trying to tough it out when I was seriously depressed nearly cost me my life. My sister had post-natal depression that went undiagnosed. She tried to tough it out too (similar personality), and eventually she had a complete breakdown and had to spend long periods in mental hospitals. None of us is strong enough to push through all of the problems that life may throw at us by ourselves. All of us need help at times.

 

[yellowjester]

there is out there that a good chunk of people still don't think mental illness is a real thing.

It's because they believe in free will. They are fully convinced that, if you try hard enough, you can think your way out of a mental illness. They treat it as something the patient is doing, rather than something that is happening to them (like cancer, for example). If people came to realize that depression is a brain disease, they would be more compassionate (or so I would hope).

 

[ClownWorld2023]

I've been depressed for a large part of my life, without even being aware of it.
Even in recent years I doubted whether I had depression, until someone here described me as "looking depressed".

 

[jbear824]

I agree with you and relate to your experiences. I am sorry for the ignorance and insensitivity you have to endure, and that many of us unfortunately have to contend with on a regular basis.

I take issue with the term "mental" illnesses personally, because they are taken considerably less seriously than "physical" illnesses.

These illnesses are physical. Research has shown that mental illnesses impact areas of the brain, our nerve cells, loss of gray matter and more. They are diseases of the brain, so why are they not treated as such?

The term "mental" seems to suggest that these conditions "just happen" in a vacuum, and that we can "choose" to be rid of them with some invisible magical mind power. When you consider what they actually are and the profound, tangible impact they have on the body and brain, phrases like "get a hobby", "go for a walk" and "be more positive" sound ludicrous.

Yet because people categorise "mental health" entirely separately from "physical health", their perception is completely different. A person with a broken arm or leg wouldn't be told to heal their bones through sheer force of will, so why are we expected to achieve this when we have depression, anxiety, PTSD etc. - conditions that physically alter and damage the brain?

Although ignorance plays a role, I often wonder if the complexity of mental health difficulties results in them being simplified. The same applies to other invisible ailments, such as CFS/ME. They are often undermined and deemed to be psychosomatic, because like mental illnesses, they usually cannot be seen or touched.

There are numerous biological and environmental factors (including systemic issues such as lack of access to healthcare, poverty, background and much more) that can cause or exacerbate mental illnesses. Prevention and treatment is not a simple process, and there is no cure-all for everyone. Therefore, the default fallback seems to be gaslighting and victim-blaming, instead of acknowledging their struggles and doing something to help.

It is easier to repair a broken arm than a broken society.

That and the fact that not all "mental" illnesses are curable, and many can be treatment resistant.

 

[sugarb]

It's hard to believe that in 2021, with all the studies, science and "awareness about mental health" there is out there that a good chunk of people still don't think mental illness is a real thing.

Sadly for me, my mum is one of these. Whenever i try to tell her about my chronic depression she firstly suggests that I just "go and get help" (ive been to get help before and have tried all different types of medication and therapy, none of which have worked). once i tell her this, she will just get mad and act like it's an easy fix, "just get a hobbie", "find meaning in your life", "you know how to fix this, you just choose to be miserable". It always amazes me that she knows so little about mental illness, if it were that easy then suicide wouldn't be a thing because nobody would be depressed!

People don't seem to realise that when you've been depressed for such a long time, you can't find a hobby or a purpose in life because to a chronically depressed person, everything feels like shit. You can't flick a switch and be magically happy, you're brain doesn't allow it, every suicidal person wishes they could be happy in life, but they can't!

I don't wish chronic depression and suicidal thoughts on anyone because i've been dealing with it for over 8 years now, however sometimes I wish people who've never experienced it could feel how we feel for a few months, the world would be a much more understanding place.

I hope that one day, long after im gone, everyone finally comes to realise how mentally debilitating it is to live with a mental illness, but i doubt that we will ever see that day.

Maybe they find it difficult to sympathize with such a foreign experience. I find it difficult to fully understand theirs at times, so there's that.