errorcode404
Member
- Apr 5, 2023
- 11
i'm 25 now, longer than i thought i'd make it. i think if i were to meet my teenage self, she would not believe me. i have been in intensive treatment since 12, with more dedicated hours spent in therapeutic contexts rather than academic. i have made so many changes, and from an external point of view, on most days, you wouldn't be able to tell i'm unwell. but i am. i still have so many episodes of deregulation, sometimes leading to outbursts or flashbacks. i have a 4.0 and a man who loves me very much. he's normal, stable, never really wavers emotionally at all. not that he isn't emotional, but he remains stable. i can't tell anyone but my therapists how i feel, and these constant loops of extreme suicidal ideation. i feel like my life is already a waste, it's just gone too far. sometimes i wish i could just sleep, never wake up. let me restart from the beginning, do things differently. maybe be more normal, fit in. find friends and have a normal life. i'm tired and i feel alone.
