It's been real. I'll leave you hanging.

[ValarMorghulis]

Only been here briefly, but nevertheless its been delightful getting to know all of you. I was planning to stick around for another couple of months for my family's sake but frankly I don't care anymore. I am surprisingly calm, numb, determined. It feels like I am standing at the feet of a cadaver, scalpel in hand and my nose filled with formaldehyde. My hands are steady and I'm slightly hungry. This is how I hold my own life in my hands. With respect, sure, but as something already dead - now there is only a job left to be done.

Thank you for all of your kindness. I've enjoyed reading your stories and one thing which stands out and breaks my heart is how many have been victims to medical malpractice and the pharmaceutical industry. It really opened my eyes and it is a deeply sad affair. I like to tell myself I would have been better than that - a virtuous doctor who does far more good than evil. But perhaps even that is not good enough and no one is saved from destroying lives in medicine. Everyone makes mistakes. That's a terrifying reality which most compartmentalise, lock away in a rarely travelled dungeon in their minds - it's the only way to cope.

Life is endlessly fascinating and we mistake this for beauty and worth. The latter do not apply unless you think beauty can be cruel - in many ways life is just children dying, over and over again. I forgot who said that but I'm sure it was someone very wise. For a long time fascination kept me alive but I don't want to know anymore. If this is a simulation, hopefully it's the type where there's nothing we can access outside. I fear a world which could contrive such a hell scape.

I feel so calm I sound robotic. It's odd. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will drive out to the forest and do partial. I will be like Shakespeare, I may even pen a limerick at the end of my suicide note. Today I get drunk, eat fine food and take my guitar to my nieces house. I'll listen to all my favourite albums. Hopefully you can be with me until I go.

Thanks

 

[Meretlein]

I haven't seen many posts from you but the ones I saw had me looking forward to more.

I hope you find the peace you deserve. It has been nice seeing you around.

 

[x_LittleAmy_x]

Leave us hanging?
Pun intended?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Looks like I might have to settle for partial in the woods as well. It's a method that requires determination, feels good that someone of your calibre and expertise finds this method doable. Thanks for the confirmation on the carotid method as well. Much love.

 

[ValarMorghulis]

Looks like I might have to settle for partial in the woods as well. It's a method that requires determination, feels good that someone of your calibre and expertise finds this method doable. Thanks for the confirmation on the carotid method as well. Much love.

I recommend practising beforehand and looking at some anatomy textbooks. Also factoring in how thin your neck is. I have quite a long and skinny neck, and if I look closely I can literally see my pulse there. Try and locate yours by touch - it's easiest if you put your fingers together and place them on either side of your Adam's apple, press quite firmly and feel around from there. Don't use your thumb because that has a pulse of its own and might be confusing. When you locate it, it's best to use a thin rope, like the kind of silk one used for BDSM. This might sound weird but it's because the fabric is quite comfortable, it often comes in discreet packaging, it's thin so you can be exact with placement and the 10m or so that it usually has is more than enough for partial. When you experiment make sure you keep switching positions until you're at a point where you can breathe perfectly fine and it isn't compressing your trachea and you can feel yourself going unconscious within a few seconds. You shouldn't be experiencing any discomfort, and if you get the head-pressure thing it's because you're getting your jugular veins and not your arteries. Feel around and try again

Not sure if this information is already on this site but I've been honing this method by myself for the last month or so, hopefully it's useful either way

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I recommend practising beforehand and looking at some anatomy textbooks. Also factoring in how thin your neck is. I have quite a long and skinny neck, and if I look closely I can literally see my pulse there. Try and locate yours by touch - it's easiest if you put your fingers together and place them on either side of your Adam's apple, press quite firmly and feel around from there. Don't use your thumb because that has a pulse of its own and might be confusing. When you locate it, it's best to use a thin rope, like the kind of silk one used for BDSM. This might sound weird but it's because the fabric is quite comfortable, it often comes in discreet packaging, it's thin so you can be exact with placement and the 10m or so that it usually has is more than enough for partial. When you experiment make sure you keep switching positions until you're at a point where you can breathe perfectly fine and it isn't compressing your trachea and you can feel yourself going unconscious within a few seconds. You shouldn't be experiencing any discomfort, and if you get the head-pressure thing it's because you're getting your jugular veins and not your arteries. Feel around and try again

Not sure if this information is already on this site but I've been honing this method by myself for the last month or so, hopefully it's useful either way

Yeah, I guess one either passes out and dies or doesn't pass out and can try again. Many stories of people passing out and later waking up though, but if the positioning is good the risk is hopefully small. Have you seen the "just do it" guy's partial?

 

[ValarMorghulis]

Yeah, I guess one either passes out and dies or doesn't pass out and can try again. Many stories of people passing out and later waking up though, but if the positioning is good the risk if hopefully small. Have you seen the "just do it" guy's partial?

Right, the best part of this method is that unlike others you can keep trying multiple times in a row. With others if you fail, someone finds you, you might not be able to try again for a long time. Or you end up too disabled to end your life at all.

No I haven't! I'd be interested

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Right, the best part of this method is that unlike others you can keep trying multiple times in a row. With others if you fail, someone finds you, you might not be able to try again for a long time. Or you end up too disabled to end your life at all.

No I haven't! I'd be interested

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/swedish-guy-hangs-himself-partial-hanging.11946/

Feels like someone could get unlucky and sort of get propped up by the convulsions, removing pressure on the noose, maybe it's best to avoid walls/trees and shit right around around the hanging site?

 

[Deathbydemo]

You write so well that I was really taken in by your every word. "For a long time fascination kept me alive but I don't want to know anymore". I feel you. I am in this exact position too.

I'm sorry you are leaving us and I wish you the best in your journey. Sending love.

 

[I_just_cba]

I've only been here for a short time too. Your story was the first one I read and it really hit me as it felt so close to my life. I really enjoyed your posts and would always click on any that had your name.

Hope you're finally able to find peace.

Valar Dohaeris.

 

[Fin]

There's something fascinating in the way you phrased some sentences in your post. An ineffable sensitivity; a diffuse vulnerability; a palpable serenity in the face of what is meant to be; a dignified sense of elevation beyond your personal fate, or our shared destiny. When the core truths of our existence have been sensed by an inquisitive, restless, visionary mind like yours, a feeling of emptiness is immediately established. You don't want to know more details because you've already figured out the framework. You don't want to feel more because every feeling is eventually overpowered by the void of your awareness. Lucidity is the biggest curse of an honest, sensitive, receptive mind. It brings you closer to a demiurge, to a mastermind, to a creator, while making you less and less of a player. Once you have started watching life from a distance, going back into the picture seems pointless.

Happy birthday and safe travels!

 

[ValarMorghulis]

There's something fascinating in the way you phrased some sentences in your post. An ineffable sensitivity; a diffuse vulnerability; a palpable serenity in the face of what is meant to be; a dignified sense of elevation beyond your personal fate, or our shared destiny. When the core truths of our existence have been sensed by an inquisitive, restless, visionary mind like yours, a feeling of emptiness is immediately established. You don't want to know more details because you've already figured out the framework. You don't want to feel more because every feeling is eventually overpowered by the void of your awareness. Lucidity is the biggest curse of an honest, sensitive, receptive mind. It brings you closer to a demiurge, to a mastermind, to a creator, while making you less and less of a player. Once you have started watching life from a distance, going back into the picture seems pointless.

Happy birthday and safe travels!

This is spot on. Certain things about life, from personal experience, seem unchangeable and inevitable. Life itself is this lightening in a bucket exquisite thing, simply because it is so unlikely, so complex and so endlessly intricate. There are so many more things to learn. So many rabbit holes to fall down. Well, I've fallen down my fair share of rabbit holes and each time it leads to a similar place. Each time its become more and more difficult to climb back out. I'm no longer interested in distractions, my mind no longer reels at each new piece of the puzzle. I'll never have it all figured out and that's more than okay. After death, there are no regrets.

Humans are programmed to do everything they can to avoid death, only to inevitably succumb to what is their greatest fear. It's a sick thing. In many ways, craving and seeking out death before it seeks you out is a way to go out with dignity - because if you want death, you're no longer vulnerable to the all-powerful force that comes for us all. Nothing scares you. You are finally calm, like a bird that decides it prefers the iron bars of its cage to the trees and stops trying to fly. Suicide is so terrifying and abhorrent to so many because it puts a mirror to their face, makes them look at their own mortality. All sickness and death does this but the way suicide is special is because not only do we show them their greatest fear, we dive head first into it. There's something powerful about that.

I lived and saw and felt and sensed. I will remain as part of the universe even after my death. My remains will be found by animals and eaten, bacteria and decomposers will return me back to the earth. Someday someone or something will drink water containing one of the atoms that makes up all the water in my body. We live on, reincarnation is real in that way. We remain as the universe. It's my time to rest and give back.

You write so well that I was really taken in by your every word. "For a long time fascination kept me alive but I don't want to know anymore". I feel you. I am in this exact position too.

I'm sorry you are leaving us and I wish you the best in your journey. Sending love.

I'm glad you like my writing, it's one of the things I've always prided myself on. In another life I would have been an author, cooped away in a woodland hut somewhere penning the nest Great Gatsby. Well, maybe not, but that's what I'd like to think. Today I have no regrets. There are many books that were never written, many which were written but never read.

 

[sparkie]

Where was I before I was born? Will I go back there when I die? I've was dead(?) for billions of years then I was born for a few years then I'll be dead for billions of years again...

 

[ValarMorghulis]

If anyone wants to know what I'm listening to

 

[TessB]

Only been here briefly, but nevertheless its been delightful getting to know all of you. I was planning to stick around for another couple of months for my family's sake but frankly I don't care anymore. I am surprisingly calm, numb, determined. It feels like I am standing at the feet of a cadaver, scalpel in hand and my nose filled with formaldehyde. My hands are steady and I'm slightly hungry. This is how I hold my own life in my hands. With respect, sure, but as something already dead - now there is only a job left to be done.

Thank you for all of your kindness. I've enjoyed reading your stories and one thing which stands out and breaks my heart is how many have been victims to medical malpractice and the pharmaceutical industry. It really opened my eyes and it is a deeply sad affair. I like to tell myself I would have been better than that - a virtuous doctor who does far more good than evil. But perhaps even that is not good enough and no one is saved from destroying lives in medicine. Everyone makes mistakes. That's a terrifying reality which most compartmentalise, lock away in a rarely travelled dungeon in their minds - it's the only way to cope.

Life is endlessly fascinating and we mistake this for beauty and worth. The latter do not apply unless you think beauty can be cruel - in many ways life is just children dying, over and over again. I forgot who said that but I'm sure it was someone very wise. For a long time fascination kept me alive but I don't want to know anymore. If this is a simulation, hopefully it's the type where there's nothing we can access outside. I fear a world which could contrive such a hell scape.

I feel so calm I sound robotic. It's odd. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will drive out to the forest and do partial. I will be like Shakespeare, I may even pen a limerick at the end of my suicide note. Today I get drunk, eat fine food and take my guitar to my nieces house. I'll listen to all my favourite albums. Hopefully you can be with me until I go.

Thanks

I think this is my favourite post ever I just wish I'd got to know you now, you seem awesome xxx

 

[9BBN]

I enjoyed reading your posts. Wishing you eternal peace.

 

[ValarMorghulis]

Logging off and deleting account now. Thanks for keeping me company xx

 

[TessB]

Logging off and deleting account now. Thanks for keeping me company xx

 

[Lady black]

Good luck and eternal peace

 

[Trisolaris]

I hope you found peace.

 

[Meretlein]

I was really hoping she would come back. All I can hope for now is that she found peace.

 

[WornOutLife]

It's been really nice to see you around even though we haven't directly talked.

Wish you a peaceful journey and lots of love!