Venting It's been over 3 years since I joined this site

[ikadasui]

It has only gotten worse. Exceptionally fucking worse. The saying "It gets better" is false, it operates under the assumption you still have life and a will to improve your current situation. If you lack either, then you're situation will grow far worse as you will become stagnant but life will not stop. You'll fall behind and have to see your peers thriving and succeeding as you slip further and further into the darkness, your support lines will get less and less as people naturally give up on you, your friends will move on with their lives and you'll be long forgotten as a loser. It's all too much. Too painful. It's pure insanity and it's the main reason I want fucking out of this nightmarish game. I can't decide between hanging or a handgun I was looking at glocks earlier but I know this has gone on too long. Can't take it anymore

 

[bed]

I feel you. My life has progressively got worse since my first hospitalization in 2015. I hate the saying, "hold on it gets better"...so far from the truth for so many. False hope if anything.

 

[ikadasui]

I feel you. My life has progressively got worse since my first hospitalization in 2015. I hate the saying, "hold on it gets better"...so far from the truth for so many. False hope if anything.

I just have no fucking idea anymore, man? The one thing that brightened up my life I fucked up and now she's gone too. I can hardly function on the day to day basis, but since I don't want to push anymore friends away I have to put on an act. Not to mention fucking work on top of everything it's impossible! I have no fucking idea anymore at all

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can't stand this slow descent to the bottom. I just want to cut the fucking cord!!!!

 

[bed]

Yeah, the one person I was holding on for left me as well. I have nobody now. It's ironic to say the least, I considered leaving them at one point to make it easier on them when i would kill myself. Now it's just me and 2 failed attempts later and i'm here..alone.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It is a true nightmare. There is no end to how bad it can get or how tormented we can be. I am in the same position as you. Everyone gave up and left and I am all alone with my guilt and torturing thoughts and it just keep on getting worse and worse. I dont know if oneday I will hit a limit when I cant take it anymore. It is already intolerable. I just want this to end

 

[Midgardsorm]

It gets better when the damage is temporary.

IMO, That's the problem of labelling depression and mental health issues as diseases.
It's good that those issues receive attention but it also makes some people believes that it's something that simply "heals".

When you cut yourself, your body will heal over time. When you get sick, you may recover.

The mind is not always that resilient. Damages to the mind are mostly permanent and not always makes you stronger, sometimes it just harms you and the wounds are left there.
It may be able to be treated when it's correctly addressed by a therapist/psychiatrist but from my experience, it's really difficult to find people that takes those illnesses seriously. Mostly it's people that uses our conditions to fill their pockets with money.

 

[Alec]

It's been years since I joined too. I don't know what to think.

 

[Blue_mist]

It has only gotten worse. Exceptionally fucking worse. The saying "It gets better" is false, it operates under the assumption you still have life and a will to improve your current situation. If you lack either, then you're situation will grow far worse as you will become stagnant but life will not stop. You'll fall behind and have to see your peers thriving and succeeding as you slip further and further into the darkness, your support lines will get less and less as people naturally give up on you, your friends will move on with their lives and you'll be long forgotten as a loser. It's all too much. Too painful. It's pure insanity and it's the main reason I want fucking out of this nightmarish game. I can't decide between hanging or a handgun I was looking at glocks earlier but I know this has gone on too long. Can't take it anymore

I snap at everyone who tells me it gets better

It has only gotten worse. Exceptionally fucking worse. The saying "It gets better" is false, it operates under the assumption you still have life and a will to improve your current situation. If you lack either, then you're situation will grow far worse as you will become stagnant but life will not stop. You'll fall behind and have to see your peers thriving and succeeding as you slip further and further into the darkness, your support lines will get less and less as people naturally give up on you, your friends will move on with their lives and you'll be long forgotten as a loser. It's all too much. Too painful. It's pure insanity and it's the main reason I want fucking out of this nightmarish game. I can't decide between hanging or a handgun I was looking at glocks earlier but I know this has gone on too long. Can't take it anymore

I snap at everyone who tells me it gets better. I feel they are being deceiving to me, because you are right it doesn't.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah exactly. I'm the same. Keep trying to improve things but I'm an eternal fuck up in this sick cosmic joke. I feel like I'm always circling the drain. I go round and round in circles, sometimes closer to the black hole, sometimes further away, but the pull of it always seems to win in the end.

 

[clown_17]

I feel your pain. It makes me long for days that I hated when I was living them. I hope things get better for you.
I started using the site in early 2020. Life has gotten worse in ways I couldn't imagine possible. It's also kind of embarrassing to think that I'm still alive on this site after all this time. Makes me feel like a veteran, but also a coward. In some ways though little things changed for me. At least now I don't have to do a job that was bad for me. I wouldn't want to go back to the way it used to be but I would also kill to not be where I am. I just want better than this hell

 

[AmDead]

I think it's been a year for me… I just keep getting frustrated and hating myself for not being able to "pull the trigger". I'm chicken, I know. And some of you will probably say then I'm probably not ready to die but like cmon. I've been trying a year and nothing has gotten better and death is so easy but I can't make myself do it. It drives me insane.

 

[Buffy5120]

same I want to go so bad I have no idea what i'm waiting for almost everyone I talked to ctb even ones that joined last year

 

[FuneralCry]

Over time, things have only gotten worse for me as well. I am so done with it all. I wish I ctb at an earlier date, it would have prevented lots of suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when things are hopeless. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake again. It is like I have already died in a way. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[lotus11]

Been on here around three years also I think. Never have I ever related to a post so much.