cactusflower
here but not here
- Apr 19, 2023
- 57
what even happened... i thought i was doing so well and all of sudden just basically where i started but maybe worse????? this week has been hell to go through and idk why. i stopped meds entirely last week and ever since then i feel like its just been a downwards spiral, and i just SH this morning for the first time in TEN YEARS. what even. i didnt have these impulses even after my dad passed, and its been over a year since then and now things are just absolutely nuts and hopeless rn. like why are we forced to live in this hellish world where no one gives a damn about you even if its so obvious you're crying out for help. i feel like, esp since i live alone, if i dropped dead tomorrow no one would even know or give a shit, so why dont i just do it?! i feel like this is the most incoherent ive been on this website but honestly i just feel myself breaking rn fr this time... WTF
