its all so so futile

[turnoverover]

ive done almost everything right and yhte essence of the person i am and what ive live through feels like a stain on my self worth. it doesnt matter that ive done everything correctly it doesnt feel like anything even if you tell me ive done far more than what i expected to do with my life the weight that sits in my chest that weighs down to my stomach remind sme im just so ugly. i want to die so. so so bad the fear of migraines comign back doesnt stop me from sobbing into my pillow and into my shirt about how badly i want this to be my last night on earth. i just dont see a futur e where not even my partner doesnt eventually glance at me and feel disgust at how helpless i amhow i didnt take the risks and lived for myself earlier.that im doing it all now. i dont know

 

[landslide2]

It is hard at times to make sense of it all, and how I fit into any of it. Sometimes i just need to cry. It's a brief cleanse, but still some respite...