it's about time guys, AMA ☺

[finallydone]

i will be responding to questions up to 14 hours from now, after that, i should be gone hopefully

 

[astr4]

i'm very sorry that life has led you here, this is never an easy decision to make, you must really be hurting. i hope that everything goes smoothly for you and that there is peace at the end of your journey.

 

[memoriesofyesterday]

finallydone, why are you doing this? and how old are you?

I'm not one of those 'your brain isn't developed/strong enough' people, I'm just curious how old you are?

And you know what, I'm not even judging.

About 2 months before my Mom's death (which brought me here) and before he turned out the motel lights at Travelodge:

My dad said to me, [my name]..."Death is expensive".

He was married to her for what should have been 50 years had she lived until September.

...

He was right.

Death is expensive and I had never even thought of that before.

And I was walking around the planet at 44 years old. What an idiot!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point.

What's your method?

 

[finallydone]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point.

What's your method?

it will be full suspension hanging

 

[maynoname]

We are here for you whatever you decide. May you find peace.

 

[finallydone]

finallydone, why are you doing this? and how old are you?

I'm not one of those 'your brain isn't developed/strong enough' people, I'm just curious how old you are?

And you know what, I'm not even judging.

About 2 months before my Mom's death (which brought me here) and before he turned out the motel lights at Travelodge:

My dad said to me, [my name]..."Death is expensive".

He was married to her for what should have been 50 years had she lived until September.

...

He was right.

Death is expensive and I had never even thought of that before.

And I was walking around the planet at 44 years old. What an idiot!

why am i doing this ?
i figured i've suffered for long enough in all aspects of life, mentally, physically, and socially
as for my age, i'm 26
and i still don't understand what you mean when you say that death is expensive

 

[Gone soon]

Best wishes for your journey

 

[Reflection]

I hope you find your peace

 

[PetrichorBirth]

it will be full suspension hanging

What's the setup? Is it in your house or outdoors? What kinda rope? Are you going to tie a noose or something different?

 

[zaxxy1810]

I wish you find peace..

 

[finallydone]

What's the setup? Is it in your house or outdoors? What kinda rope? Are you going to tie a noose or something different?

it's going to be outdoors, there is an old water storage tank that i found a good place to hook my rope to
the rope i'm gonna be using is 12mm or 1/2 inch polyester rope
and i'm going to tie a noose knot

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.

 

[athiestjoe]

I am wishing you lots of peace & serenity -- with whatever you decide.

What was the turning point to bring you to this today? How long have you been planning to CTB?

 

[finallydone]

I am wishing you lots of peace & serenity -- with whatever you decide.

What was the turning point to bring you to this today? How long have you been planning to CTB?

i think it's a build up rather than a turning point, i'm quite a patient guy, as for planning i think i had SI since i was 7 and was ready to act on it back then but chose not to,
had deep thoughts about it again at 16 then 18 then 19 and at least a couple of weeks to months of every year since then (i'm 26 now), but that was all when i was deeply depressed
i think this year marks the first time that i had plans for suicide even outside of depression, and even if somehow i didn't succeed today, i will one day take my own life and not wait for time to do it

 

[finallydone]

9 hours to go, already feeling heavy, SI is getting the better outta me, never thought i'd be going back to be so torn between the will to be free and the fear of losing everything i worked up to or even worse, someone stopping me midway to death and i end up in a worse situation

 

[finallydone]

update : SI got so activated that i'm having a hard time breathing, i had to cancel my attempt this time before even hitting the time i set, i feel so embarrassed and powerless right now, i think my only choice is to do it so impulsively that my SI don't have time to kick in

thanks to anyone who was here for me today, and i'm sorry if i caused any discomfort

 

[justpathetic]

update : SI got so activated that i'm having a hard time breathing, i had to cancel my attempt this time before even hitting the time i set, i feel so embarrassed and powerless right now, i think my only choice is to do it so impulsively that my SI don't have time to kick in

thanks to anyone who was here for me today, and i'm sorry if i caused any discomfort

Awww please don't feel bad. There's nothing to be ashamed of. SI is biological and subconscious. It soooo hard to overcome. We all struggle with it that's why most of us are still here as well.

 

[SVEN]

update : SI got so activated that i'm having a hard time breathing, i had to cancel my attempt this time before even hitting the time i set, i feel so embarrassed and powerless right now, i think my only choice is to do it so impulsively that my SI don't have time to kick in

thanks to anyone who was here for me today, and i'm sorry if i caused any discomfort

Please don't give it a thought. Whatever you decide to do has our support. That's the whole point of a self choice Forum such as this. Be kind to yourself and go well unmet friend.

 

[Davey40210]

Happy you made it through another day OP. No discomfort at all and good luck.