Venting It wouldn't matter today whether or not I ctb.

[U. A.]

This is honestly the case most days, but I only have the discreet thought every once in a while, on the worse days.

If I went somewhere I wouldn't be found and offed myself today, no one would know anything had happened. Hell, even if I were to do it in my room, odds are pretty good my housemates wouldn't either (though I don't know how long it takes for the odour to be noticeable).

It's just a pretty fucking shitty feeling knowing that my existence as it currently is allows this to be possible. Live or die today, it doesn't even matter. No one would notice until I don't know when.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I think that I would personally prefer to be forgotten about and I find it comforting the fact that my life doesn't matter. We will all be forgotten one day eventually, it's just the way that life is. Best wishes.

 

[Sick of it all]

You'd be surprised who will miss you when you are gone. I'm sure you have had an impact on someone. Half the reason I haven't CTB yet is because i have a very small amount of people who would mourn my passing. Hopefully we both find a balance and peace when our time is up.

 

[U. A.]

You'd be surprised who will miss you when you are gone. I'm sure you have had an impact on someone. Half the reason I haven't CTB yet is because i have a very small amount of people who would mourn my passing. Hopefully we both find a balance and peace when our time is up.

This one slipped away...I do think people would be sad but I meant this more in that on nearly any given day, no one's life would be affected if I died that day. Not until I was found and word got around, however long that was, would that happen. There also used to be a very small number of folk for whom I'd decided deliberate death wasn't an option; things have changed though, in a fairly short span of time. Not a good feeling. :-(

 

[Forever Sleep]

Some people have literally been dead for years before they are found in their homes. I agree- it's terribly sad. There again- if ctb really is the plan, it kind of feels like the fewer people that will be affected, the better.

 

[atonofdespair24]

I understand and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Sometimes I wish when I go, I could somehow have everyone just forget about me. I don't want to hurt them but in the end its either me suffering for who knows how long, or them grieving. I would be sad to stop seeing your posts though, in the how your day went thread

 

[U. A.]

Some people have literally been dead for years before they are found in their homes. I agree- it's terribly sad. There again- if ctb really is the plan, it kind of feels like the fewer people that will be affected, the better.

You're right. I've felt some key connections seriously fade the last six months-year, and while crushing at first, I came around to that aspect of it. I still am fucking lonely and try to reach out in different ways but this is now in the back of my mind generally.

I understand and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Sometimes I wish when I go, I could somehow have everyone just forget about me. I don't want to hurt them but in the end its either me suffering for who knows how long, or them grieving. I would be sad to stop seeing your posts though, in the how your day went thread

You're right. If there was some magic button I could press to simply have never existed to begin with, I think that would be the best possible way to go. You may have noticed I've been getting pretty slack in that other thread, hah. Been missing your entries too, friend.

 

[makethepainstop]

So many of us feel the same, like no one would really notice of we just disappeared. For many this is a painful discovery. I have felt this for so long, that there is no pain about it. I just have accepted that no one gives a damn about me. I am fine with it.