Venting It will never get better

[highjumping]

I've really tried recently to get better, to recover but life just keeps spitting in my face.
I applied for multiple jobs to get out of the house and maybe get my life back together, but I've been rejected from every single one.
The desire to ctb is as strong as ever and I'm just so tired.
I try over and over again to get better, to recover but it never fucking works.
I have isolated myself, nobody to talk to about any of these feelings.
I've started crying every night again, wishing I would just die finally, this is just another scream into the void.
Nobody actually cares if anything would happen to me, nobody wants me to get better.
I don't talk with one of my best friends anymore, he promised to always be there but as all other promises, his were a lie too.
Someone I really cared about recently took their own life, it's been horrible.
I want to follow soon, I've given up all hope.
Again I sit here crying in front of my computer screen, typing this stuff out because nobody wants to listen to me.
I wanted to be saved and I tried to save myself but there is only so much suffering the human mind can endure.
I'll be making my plan here soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering, existence is just too cruel. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through such rough times. Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best and hope you find peace.

 

[SVEN]

Yeah, existence sucks, doesn't it.

 

[BlazingBob]

I understand I would love nothing more than for my life to improve but nothing helps or worse it backfires. I've tried and tried for decades. Now with physical health issues I feel completely hopeless.

 

[manuel1056x]

I'm sorry for what you had to go through. Life is so hard. I give up with the thought that it will be better, or I will be better. I try to live with all my problems. Maybe it will kill me, but I don't know. I hope that you will find happiness. Sometimes, good things happen in life.