Venting it never changes

[suchaprettygard3n]

no matter what i do, nothing is ever different. no matter how long i go without drinking, i always find myself alone with the bottle. no matter how many people i have around me, i still feel so alone. no matter how much good i try to do, i always fuck it up. i push everyone away. i keep everyone at arms length. i have a mask on every time i interact with other people. i cry on the train or bus on the way to see friends, and i dont tell anyone. i drink alone in my room and i dont tell anyone. i never tell anyone anything. i cant. no one would actually care. and no, im not just saying that i know no one would care. because IM supposed to be the happy one. IM the funny girl. IM the one who has my shit together. IM the one who helps everyone else through hard times. IM always anyone else but ME. because how the fuck could i ever show anyone ME. i dont even KNOW who i am. im nothing really. im stuck in a dead end fucking minimum wage job, where im getting lapped by people 3 years younger than me. no matter what i fucking do its literally never good enough. and i KNOW. because ive TRIED. i try and i fucking try and its all for nothing, because nothing fucking changes. im still the same stupid fucking girl. the one who never really fits in anhywhere, no matter how much she changes her, hair, face,clothes, personality, ANYTHING. shes still the same girl who's everyone 'second' bbest friend. the one that people like, but theres always someone else that they LOVE. the girl who tries so hard to make everyone aroudnd her happy but still hurts the one person in her life who maybe actually matters. the same girl who cant ever ereally look anyone in the eye and say theyre okay. the same girl who makes everything a joke because its always so much easier just to laugh about it rather than to actually face it. the same girl who wants so bad to be anyone else but HER.


its never going to fucking end.

 

[gonegirl1]

I feel you. You're not alone. It's hard. Maybe it won't ever stop being hard. Try to open up about how you truly feel to someone before giving up completely.

I'm rooting for you.

 

[suchaprettygard3n]

I feel you. You're not alone. It's hard. Maybe it won't ever stop being hard. Try to open up about how you truly feel to someone before giving up completely.

I'm rooting for you.

i just dont really know how to y'know? like sometimes i feel like theres just so much that i just dont really know where to start? or that no one could ever really get it.
but thank you anyways, means a lot <3

 

[gonegirl1]

i just dont really know how to y'know? like sometimes i feel like theres just so much that i just dont really know where to start? or that no one could ever really get it.
but thank you anyways, means a lot <3

Yeah i know, im here trying to give advice when i haven't done it myself. That's the good thing about this forum, people get it

Maybe if you have someone in your life that has also mental issues or has been through feeling suicidal you could start to try and talk to them. There's a higher chance they will understand and not judge you. This doesn't mean other people wouldn't judge and listen to you, but I don't think that they could really be able to understand.

 

[suchaprettygard3n]

Yeah i know, im here trying to give advice when i haven't done it myself. That's the good thing about this forum, people get it

Maybe if you have someone in your life that has also mental issues or has been through feeling suicidal you could start to try and talk to them. There's a higher chance they will understand and not judge you. This doesn't mean other people wouldn't judge and listen to you, but I don't think that they could really be able to understand.

its okay, i know what thats like too. giving other people advice u wish u could take yourself :/// i really do appreciate it though, thank you <3

 

[Enlighten]

I care about you. Truly. I empathize with the "being nobodies #1" quite a bit. I can be very painful, but you might not have met the right person/people yet. Everyone has people that they really end up connecting with. I hope you can find your person. Truly wishing the best for you.