Venting It just doesn't get better

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

I stopped frequenting this community about 7 months ago.

I tried so hard to get better. I got a job then quit because of unbearable conditions and people. At least I have some savings. Finding a new one is almost impossible right now.
I still feel the same. In fact, I feel even worse. I turned 21 and I am a failure. Cut ties with lots of people. People can't stand to be around me.

The worst thing out of all is guilt. I miss how selfish I was before. I knew my suicide would severely damage the lives of lots of people but I just didn't give a fuck. I don't know what happened but now I am torn between a wish to die and the fact that I would do so much harm to my parents and friends. I lost all interest in life. I had a hobby, I wrote fiction and published it online and the fact that it was received very well was a small spark of light for me. I cannot even write anymore. Tonight I barely wrote 100 words.

I don't feel human anymore. I just wish my body would take the hint and fucking release me from this. I'm so fucking tired.

 

[BornByGhosts]

I don't feel human anymore. I just wish my body would take the hint and fucking release me from this. I'm so fucking tired.

THANK YOU! I feel this so much it's unreal!

 

[KowakuNaiNeko]

My philosophy on selfishness is that once not wanting to hurt others becomes your only reason to continue living it's ok to be selfish. I took a few steps to limit how many people I will affect personally but some people will be affected no matter what you do.

 

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

My philosophy on selfishness is that once not wanting to hurt others becomes your only reason to continue living it's ok to be selfish. I took a few steps to limit how many people I will affect personally but some people will be affected no matter what you do.

I understand, but just imagining the amount of pain I will leave behind is horrible. I wish I was selfish once again, TBH

 

[ikadasui]

I stopped frequenting this community about 7 months ago.

I tried so hard to get better. I got a job then quit because of unbearable conditions and people. At least I have some savings. Finding a new one is almost impossible right now.
I still feel the same. In fact, I feel even worse. I turned 21 and I am a failure. Cut ties with lots of people. People can't stand to be around me.

The worst thing out of all is guilt. I miss how selfish I was before. I knew my suicide would severely damage the lives of lots of people but I just didn't give a fuck. I don't know what happened but now I am torn between a wish to die and the fact that I would do so much harm to my parents and friends. I lost all interest in life. I had a hobby, I wrote fiction and published it online and the fact that it was received very well was a small spark of light for me. I cannot even write anymore. Tonight I barely wrote 100 words.

I don't feel human anymore. I just wish my body would take the hint and fucking release me from this. I'm so fucking tired.

I actually do remember you by your icon and you mentioned leaving. You're brave for at least trying regardless of what you do from here.

 

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

I actually do remember you by your icon and you mentioned leaving. You're brave for at least trying regardless of what you do from here.

Thanks. I can't help but think it was all for nothing, though.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm sorry you were forced to come back to this community. Nevertheless, we will repect you in whatever choice you decide to make after this, I hope you'll recover soon. I also agree, nothing gets better but I'm glad you tried. Its regrettable that it didn't work out for you...

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just feeling so tired of suffering here, existing certainly can be so dreadful, I get that it's awful when existing just continues to get worse. But anyway best wishes.