Venting It hurts to feel things.

[shinitai_sh0jo]

It hurts me opening my messages and seeing that there's nothing new.
The feeling that, again, I shouldn't cry out loud because someone could hear, and I don't want to bother other people with things that I can't even explain (again.)

I feel utterly useless when I know I should've taken some time to do sports today, but I just delayed it.

I felt embarrassed when someone spotted me rummaging through the kitchen drawer of the house I was visiting; Me making some lame excuse when really I just wish I had gotten something decent to sh again.
I'm even thinking about burning myself, but I think it would he even worse.
I feel awful.
I need to cry, but I don't want them to worry because of the same thing, over and over again.

I hate how even now, I feel guilty for getting involved with my parents divorce when I was younger. From pushing away my father when he's still clearly a jackass.

but if I could just do ctb, they would never have to deal with each other again.

but people would be upset.

but why do I have to keep going if I know I'll always struggle with the same problems no matter where I go? My body won't change, my stupid diagnose won't change, I'll never truly fit.

I just wished I could push them away before they had the chance to leave.

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

but why do I have to keep going if I know I'll always struggle with the same problems no matter where I go? My body won't change, my stupid diagnose won't change, I'll never truly fit.

I feel this part hard. The feeling/fact that I'll never really change so many things about myself sucks the worst and is the biggest factor in my choice to ctb. I'm sorry you deal with it too

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

I feel this part hard. The feeling/fact that I'll never really change so many things about myself sucks the worst and is the biggest factor in my choice to ctb. I'm sorry you deal with it too

it's nice but sad to know we're in the same boat.
People with the diagnosis I have (+other that I have suspicions about it) have a higher percentage of chance of commiting ctb.. I'm honestly quite sure that after my closed ones are gone, I'll probably just follow them soon after.

 

[Anri_wants_peace]

i send you a virtual hug ❤ and i hope that you can get a GN soon

 

[caninecomposer]

Every day, I make sure to reflect on how lucky I am to lack feelings. I don't have to feel this kind of emotional pain anymore. There was a point where I cried every day, and then it just stopped, along with everything else.

 

[hopeless08]

Every day, I make sure to reflect on how lucky I am to lack feelings. I don't have to feel this kind of emotional pain anymore. There was a point where I cried every day, and then it just stopped, along with everything else.

I envy you so much that's exactly what I want is to not feel anything anymore.
Feelings, especially for those who are sensitive, suffer the most emotionally.
I wish a had a heart of a rock cause I wouldn't care about anything or anyone and nothing could hurt me.
Honestly it angers me so much that good people are always the ones who suffer, I guess cause we have good hearts.
The universe is so cruel and sadistic…
Well I'm glad for you that you were about to surpass those emotions.