Venting It feels worse that I am back to being in less denial about wanting a relationship

[Namelesa]

Recently I have been back to more desiring human connection and physical affection and its making me feel worse. I feel like the best solution to this is getting in a relationship but I am too scared of being in one again but I feel like this is the only way I will be able to cope with life. I don't want to cause any issues for anyone. I don't want a repeat of what happened in my previous relationships but I can't take being alone anymore. Life without relationships feels empty and torturous now.

Relationships are so difficult. I don't want to risk them leaving me if I displease them in whatever way but I don't want to sacrifice my own needs. I am so paranoid about hurting them in any way. I just want someone to love me please. I just want to be taken care of and to provide value to them. A fight in my mind between fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness and emotional dependency fight each other to cause so much pain.

I tried going onto a dating app as that's the only thing I can access with me being trapped home by family but I am just so overwhelmed and scared to talk to anyone. So many cis men keep wanting to talk to me but I am not really attracted to them or feel as comfortable talking to them and would rather be with a trans person but I just feel terrible for not reciprocating with them. I feel so open and vulnerable. If a trans person likes me and talks to me I feel great anxiety about not being enough for them, especially as I lack freedom from my parents trapping me. I feel like I am too insane with how I think, especially with my views of life, death and suicide. I am going to be too much of an emotional burden and will probably ask for too much and they are going to build resentment and leave me, meaning I am of less worth.

I just want to die but I can't so I need something to cope on and someone to save me but everything is scary and people are risky to rely on.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

dating apps are full of gigantic creeps, im sorry. i hope things go better for you friend.

 

[Yume Nikki]

i felt this. life can get pretty painful/boring without a romantic partner, so i totally get it. just be careful and watch out for red flags incase you are trying to get back into the dating scene because ignoring them could cause more heartache later on like in my case.

 

[amomentspeace]

Dating is so hard. I wonder if it was easier back then. I would love to find someone who doesn't demand sex from me, but it seems physical relationships will always end up going in that direction.. it's hard having low libido/being borderline asexual

Be careful with who you meet. As Yume Nikki said, don't ignore red flags. Sometimes you ignore red flags out of desperation for a relationship but that only ends in tragedy. There are good people out there, or at least I'd like to believe there are

 

[Rymrgand]

Opening your heart and being vulnerable can make you feel horrible indeed, at least until you don't get used, I know that well, but it's necessary to form connections with other people.

Remember that you deserve to be happy and taken care as much as anyone else and more than most people, Namelesa. Despite everything, you are a good person and you deserve to be loved in a healthy way.

If someone is interested in you, and you are interested in them too, don't be scared of not being worth it. Don't think that you will be a burden. If they are interested in you, it's obvious that they enjoy being with you, and if they want a relationship with you is something they need to decide, not you. Never leave a healthy relationship because you think you will be a burden.

Take care, Namelesa. Be careful of predators, and don't ignore your needs and wants.

 

[Namelesa]

Dating is so hard. I wonder if it was easier back then. I would love to find someone who doesn't demand sex from me, but it seems physical relationships will always end up going in that direction.. it's hard having low libido/being borderline asexual

Be careful with who you meet. As Yume Nikki said, don't ignore red flags. Sometimes you ignore red flags out of desperation for a relationship but that only ends in tragedy. There are good people out there, or at least I'd like to believe there are

I am different as I am not asexual and do want sex but other parts of a relationship are also important to me.

I know I shouldn't ignore red flags but I feel like others wants are more important than mine cus if I don't I am of less worth.

 

[Richard Langford]

dating apps are full of gigantic creeps, im sorry. i hope things go better for you friend.

I've met some very nice people on dating apps and some very strange ones. Correspondingly, the same has happened to me in RL. I don't think you can just generalise.

 

[deadbidaylight]

Finding the right one could change your life for the better. I wouldn't shy away from these feelings. Put yourself out there. Break out of your comfort zone. Go for it.

Having said that, be picky with who you let into your life. Set some boundaries and expectations of what you want from a partner and stick to it. It could take a while, but it will also save you a lot of heartache and unmet expectations. Don't settle just because you're lonely. Never, ever settle.

 

[toxicjester]

I feel this super heavy. If ever/whenever I leave my relationship I've told myself I'll never date again, just because of how difficult it is for me to manage every thing that goes into one

That being said, I still planned on doing hookups and meeting with people in general because I crave physical affection and sex like it's alcohol.

I think whether it's hookups or relationships you're looking for, in real life or online, the most important thing is to be upfront about your needs. I think that was my biggest mistake in this relationship, and it wasn't intentional, I just didn't know exactly what my needs were when we started dating almost 7 years ago. There's so many people out there that can match your needs in the way you want, you just need to be honest from the get go to go through the rift raff of cis men and other people who otherwise just aren't compatible.

Even if you don't end up finding something romantic, maybe you can find people who you can connect with. That's what I'm hoping for at least.

Good luck Namelesa, I know it can be a big thing but I know you can do it

 

[davidtorez]

Finding the right one could change your life for the better. I wouldn't shy away from these feelings. Put yourself out there. Break out of your comfort zone. Go for it.

Having said that, be picky with who you let into your life. Set some boundaries and expectations of what you want from a partner and stick to it. It could take a while, but it will also save you a lot of heartache and unmet expectations. Don't settle just because you're lonely. Never, ever settle.

This ! By the way I like your linkin park quote !

 

[Namelesa]

Finding the right one could change your life for the better. I wouldn't shy away from these feelings. Put yourself out there. Break out of your comfort zone. Go for it.

Having said that, be picky with who you let into your life. Set some boundaries and expectations of what you want from a partner and stick to it. It could take a while, but it will also save you a lot of heartache and unmet expectations. Don't settle just because you're lonely. Never, ever settle.

Is it really good to be picky? Doesn't relationships require sacrifice? If I am going to be picky then there's more chance of people leaving me and less likely to be loved back.

This reminds me of this scene in BoJack Horseman

I feel this super heavy. If ever/whenever I leave my relationship I've told myself I'll never date again, just because of how difficult it is for me to manage every thing that goes into one

That being said, I still planned on doing hookups and meeting with people in general because I crave physical affection and sex like it's alcohol.

I think whether it's hookups or relationships you're looking for, in real life or online, the most important thing is to be upfront about your needs. I think that was my biggest mistake in this relationship, and it wasn't intentional, I just didn't know exactly what my needs were when we started dating almost 7 years ago. There's so many people out there that can match your needs in the way you want, you just need to be honest from the get go to go through the rift raff of cis men and other people who otherwise just aren't compatible.

Even if you don't end up finding something romantic, maybe you can find people who you can connect with. That's what I'm hoping for at least.

Good luck Namelesa, I know it can be a big thing but I know you can do it

I wish I could access hook ups but I literally can't because if being trapped and my parents won't allow me to see a random person to have sex with. If I could access them I would definitely crave it like you and use it as a coping addiction. I basically already cope by masturbating a lot.

I think I do know my needs well? I know I want to be emotionally supported, hugged a lot, express myself and be able to provide all of those things to that partner. I just feel like I am going to be too much of a bother for anyone cus of me being so emotional, needy and clingy as well as me being mentally ill. I do find online interactions to be harder for me as that increases paranoia of doing something wrong as if its just text communication I can't see facial expressions or tone of voice. It also easier for someone to leave another online but its the only thing I can use when I am stuck in the house.

 

[Rymrgand]

Is it really good to be picky? Doesn't relationships require sacrifice? If I am going to be picky then there's more chance of people leaving me and less likely to be loved back.

This reminds me of this scene in BoJack Horseman

It's true that the "never settle" sentence is sometimes used in a toxic way. Like, you need to find someone who is perfect, and if you have a small discussion, then you need to break up. Of course, relationships have always problems and everyone has flaws.

But what you shouldn't do is settle with someone you don't like, or you don't feel comfortable with, or you don't feel attracted to. You need to enjoy your time with them.

And in any case, you are really young. Having non-perfect relationships at your age is normal (assuming they are not toxic). You have a lot of time to learn about your needs and about your wants. Simply remember that, if you stop enjoying your time with a person, or if you notice that you don't really love them, or if you notice that the only reason you are with someone is because you afe scared of being alone, you can break up and look for someone else. Or for more than one, if polyamory is okay to you.

I do find online interactions to be harder for me as that increases paranoia of doing something wrong as if its just text communication I can't see facial expressions or tone of voice

I relate so much. I usually hear about how some people prefer texting over normal conversations, but I rely a lot in body language and tones of voice to understand the feelings of the person so I can reduce my paranoia.

 

[davidtorez]

Is it really good to be picky? Doesn't relationships require sacrifice? If I am going to be picky then there's more chance of people leaving me and less likely to be loved back.

This reminds me of this scene in BoJack Horseman


I wish I could access hook ups but I literally can't because if being trapped and my parents won't allow me to see a random person to have sex with. If I could access them I would definitely crave it like you and use it as a coping addiction. I basically already cope by masturbating a lot.

I think I do know my needs well? I know I want to be emotionally supported, hugged a lot, express myself and be able to provide all of those things to that partner. I just feel like I am going to be too much of a bother for anyone cus of me being so emotional, needy and clingy as well as me being mentally ill. I do find online interactions to be harder for me as that increases paranoia of doing something wrong as if its just text communication I can't see facial expressions or tone of voice. It also easier for someone to leave another online but its the only thing I can use when I am stuck in the house.

Picky with personality I'd say. Just look out for personality red flags. Personality over looks any day of the week imo

 

[deadbidaylight]

Being picky in the sense of not going for the first person who expresses an interest in you is what I more less meant. Not everyone who shows interest is worthy of your time. Take your time finding someone whose interest and views align with yours. This is more important than attention for the sake of attention.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

There's something I realized while suffering a break-up and talking to other friends who are in a relationship: life is shit when you're in a relationship, but it's three times as shit when you're not. The only exception is when you truly and actively don't want to be in a relationship, that's fine, but if you do need to be in one then that's perfectly fine too and not something that should be judged. Sadly, the dating scene is a complete shit show for people who don't follow what society consider normal: if you're neurodivergent, anything that doesn't fall in line with binarism or traditional beauty standards, anything vulnerable or unconvential...you're gonna have a hard time and will be taking a huge gamble.

Love is beautiful, being loved can save you, go on if that's what you want and do it with all your heart. But beware, love also has an incredibly dark side that can be the last push you need to die, love can kill you if you're already weakened by past trauma or other negative aspects in your life.

 

[graysme]

and people are risky to rely on.

Exactly what you said. I know it's advice you heard a lot of times already, but the best thing you could do right now is to be fine by yourself. Relying on someone else to cope through life will leave you disappointed. Nice Basil pfp btw, Omori is peak gaming. Either way, I hope you'll be able to find what you're looking for.

 

[Namelesa]

There's something I realized while suffering a break-up and talking to other friends who are in a relationship: life is shit when you're in a relationship, but it's three times as shit when you're not. The only exception is when you truly and actively don't want to be in a relationship, that's fine, but if you do need to be in one then that's perfectly fine too and not something that should be judged. Sadly, the dating scene is a complete shit show for people who don't follow what society consider normal: if you're neurodivergent, anything that doesn't fall in line with binarism or traditional beauty standards, anything vulnerable or unconvential...you're gonna have a hard time and will be taking a huge gamble.

Love is beautiful, being loved can save you, go on if that's what you want and do it with all your heart. But beware, love also has an incredibly dark side that can be the last push you need to die, love can kill you if you're already weakened by past trauma or other negative aspects in your life.

I am autistic and a trans girl so I don't follow basic norms but I know there can be people (mostly other trans people) that can be into me, especially as people do find me attractive. I know I am attractive cus the amount of attention I got when being in sex chat rooms and others giving me compliments.

I don't mind becoming more suicidal at all if I could actually access an effective method and I don't see death as a bad thing at all but as I can't so I have to manage with the mental pain I am suffering with now. I only see me coping with a relationship or something similar but I know I could end up even worse cus of it but I sick of where I am stuck at at the moment.

Exactly what you said. I know it's advice you heard a lot of times already, but the best thing you could do right now is to be fine by yourself. Relying on someone else to cope through life will leave you disappointed. Nice Basil pfp btw, Omori is peak gaming. Either way, I hope you'll be able to find what you're looking for.

I can't be fine with myself, I have tired that but it just doesn't work since my first relationship ended. I feel bored and empty without a relationship and its gotten worse recently and now I feel lonely. I am literally unable to cope on my own.

Thanks for the compliment for my pfp <3