It feels awful to have no access to reliable means of suicide

[Triangle]

I don't have any way to access a reliable, painless method and knowing that feels miserable. I feel as though just having a method ready and knowing that I could escape whenever I wanted would be comforting, even if I didn't actually go through with it. Knowing that I'm stuck brings an overwhelming despair.

The only methods I'd trust would be a firearm, very long drop, or an especially deadly substance.

Firearms are not as common in my country as in the US, as far as I know they're restricted to registered hunters, police, and soldiers. Even if it were possible to buy one, I can't do that since I live with other people and they'd see things I bought. For the same reason, I can't get any really lethal substances. There are some areas with tall buildings nearby, but no chance I'd get to access the roof or a sufficiently high floor.

I feel completely trapped with nowhere to go.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that, and yes I could recall being in a similar situation before (and somewhat currently) as I didn't have a reliable way out until near end of 2018. However, in 2020, I no longer have direct access to it but it's presumably safely stored at a secure location (the problem is getting access there and not raising any suspicions). With a very long drop, do you have wildernesses or secluded places like hills, cliffs, mountains, and what not? If so, then there might be a chance you could go there.

 

[Sensei]

I understand how you feel. If you have a method, you know you have an emergency exit and it's easier to keep on fighting. There are many other methods than the ones you mention, though. For instance, if you have a knife and can stand a couple of seconds of pain, you can puncture your femoral artery and look forward to a quick and certain death.

 

[Triangle]

I'm sorry to hear that, and yes I could recall being in a similar situation before (and somewhat currently) as I didn't have a reliable way out until near end of 2018. However, in 2020, I no longer have direct access to it but it's presumably safely stored at a secure location (the problem is getting access there and not raising any suspicions). With a very long drop, do you have wildernesses or secluded places like hills, cliffs, mountains, and what not? If so, then there might be a chance you could go there.

No, the area I live in is notorious for being super flat (ideal for farming and building). There is a rather large bridge over a river, but it is for cars and very high security, and I doubt I'd be able to even reach the edge without being stopped, much less get over the fear of jumping.

I understand how you feel. If you have a method, you know you have an emergency exit and it's easier to keep on fighting. There are many other methods than the ones you mention, though. For instance, if you have a knife and can stand a couple of seconds of pain, you can puncture your femoral artery and look forward to a quick and certain death.

Yeah, knowing that there's a way out is oddly comforting. The knowledge of being able to step out if things get too overwhelming really eases the anxiety for things getting worse. I could potentially access riskier and more painful methods, but I don't feel comfortable with attempting them. I either want to be dead or be alive and inconspicuous; I'd hate to be put in a mental hospital or left disabled if I messed it up.

 

[NumbOne1]

I felt the same as you until I recently found out how easy it is to get a firearm in NY. I picked up a shotgun today but I'm not distressed enough to use it yet. But contrary to others, I don't feel it's easier to keep going knowing I have my method hidden in my basement - instead I feel two things:

1) generally weird that there's a lethal weapon in my house and I bought it (never saw myself owning a gun)

2) satisfaction that I have the weapon when the time comes because I'm so depressed because lately that getting out of the house is a huge hurdle. I only got it today because I literally was passing a gun store on an errand I had to do

 

[friendly99]

I feel for you because I am in the exact same position

 

[AlreadyGone]

I feel your pain. I am only hanging on because I have my method available on hand. I would be a mess if I did not.