It does get better (sometimes)

[Deleted account 549]

I attempted back in September for the last time and I had never been more devastated in my life. I really didn't want to survive. Thankfully there were no major repercussions. My ex completely broke me and when I got out of the hospital I decided I deserved some time away. Took a loan and traveled to my favorite place for a couple of weeks.

During that trip I just noticed, how big everything was. The beaches, the city, the museums, how good the coffee was and how cool the sunsets were.

It may sound silly, but that experience made me realize the world is so much bigger than my ex. So when I went back home, I was full of hope again. I still take my meds, I still cry from time to time, I still miss my friend who killed herself, I still struggle a lot with work and am really close to getting fired. I still am bipolar and forever will be. But despite it all, I think I deserve love. And I believe I will find someone with whom I can start a family with, when the time is right.

I guess my advice is, stick with therapy. Don't quit your meds. Rely on others if you have the support. Be kind to yourself, don't blame yourself for every bad thing that happens… spend time with a cat, that has helped me tons!

Anyways. I might relapse and want to kms again, but I feel fine today. And that is what matters

 

[resurgence]

soso happy for you! <3

 

[Kanashii]

Very glad that you realise how big the world is and how there's just so much that we can do and see without seeing it ourselves. I understand the pain that you feel. My girlfriend killed herself nearly 6 years ago now and trying to deal with that pain and thinking of how guilty I feel about it and wanting to be wherever she is, really hurts sometimes.

I started recovering last year and I still have my bad days where I relapse and think about the bad things in life such as job stability, money, and even the friends I have ocasionally.

You hit the nail on the head with the part about blaming yourself. I always struggled with that and it came to a point after a failed attempt that there is no point in blaming myself. There is no guarantee that the things that did happen and went wrong, wouldn't have gone the other way if I had been there or if I hadn't. I try not to worry about it now but there are time which I still do blame myself when emotions are really high.

All of us deserve love, it's just finding the right one. We just have to be patient and we can't let silly things get the best of us, even though it does happen becuase as humans we worry about every little thing sometimes.

The last sentence you put hits home hard. I live my life day by day. If I wake up, it's a good day if I feel fine. Things can change pretty quickly in life and I know that the advice I might give other people, or the advice they give me might go out the window from time to time. It's hard living in this world seeing as so many things go wrong and people don't really care about eachother and we all have our issues to deal with. But you're right, it's how you're feeling right now, that is what matters.

I hope that you keep recovering and hopefully don't have too many relapses and find some great people, but also keeping the people that do care about you as close as you can. Pushing people away it's the worst thing I did and I'm trying not to let that happen again, I know I might if things get tough but we just need people around that understand us, and that means more than anything sometimes. Someone to listen and feel the pain that we've had, or lessen the burden on ourselves.

Keep going with therapy and keep trying to stick to your own advice as it's even helped me for today <3