zeroshark
bury me
- Nov 1, 2018
- 42
longtime lurker, first time posting (i think?) edit: second one. cant even count to two. lmfao
planning on CTB soon via night night; ordered everything i need and itll be here by thursday.
for the first time in my life i do actually think in some universe theres a future where i could live and be happy, and i can almost get there in this universe, but not quite. i have a partner i love and who loves me, but he lives overseas and i cant move now because of covid. i got away from one terrible family member and now the one who used to be most supportive hates me. staying alive is so exhausting and it hurts so much. i attempted for the first time when i was 11 and ive been trying constantly since. its clear i was never supposed to be born in the first place never mind live this long. i have horrible depression and anxiety, ptsd, and psychosis (all untreated). the only support structure i have is all overseas with my partner.
i feel horrible about doing this to him. im going through the song and dance of a visa application knowing im going to die well before we ever file it.
im not scared of dying; i am scared of dying alone and of someone having to find my body.
i wish it wasnt like this but it is. i dont know what the point of this post is. sorry.
planning on CTB soon via night night; ordered everything i need and itll be here by thursday.
for the first time in my life i do actually think in some universe theres a future where i could live and be happy, and i can almost get there in this universe, but not quite. i have a partner i love and who loves me, but he lives overseas and i cant move now because of covid. i got away from one terrible family member and now the one who used to be most supportive hates me. staying alive is so exhausting and it hurts so much. i attempted for the first time when i was 11 and ive been trying constantly since. its clear i was never supposed to be born in the first place never mind live this long. i have horrible depression and anxiety, ptsd, and psychosis (all untreated). the only support structure i have is all overseas with my partner.
i feel horrible about doing this to him. im going through the song and dance of a visa application knowing im going to die well before we ever file it.
im not scared of dying; i am scared of dying alone and of someone having to find my body.
i wish it wasnt like this but it is. i dont know what the point of this post is. sorry.
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