Venting It all feels pointless

[chloramine]

I even believe there is a point, but. I don't feel it and it's hard to care about anything. I believe people are important and our world has the potential to be so much better than this, but I also just can't. I'm so tired and I can't. I need things that aren't possible and want things back that are gone and I'm so tired. I don't have words to accurately convey and I don't have the energy to try and construct other ways to say it. Too empty. It feels so much like everyone will be better off without me. I've believed that for years and it feels like things are confirming it regularly. It's all too much and I can't. I'm not good enough and I can't do any of the things I'm supposed to and everything I do is wrong. I'm so tired. Caring hurts and it feels like I don't while I still kind do which adds an extra layer of feeling bad for not caring or not doing things for the things I care about or just. I don't know. Sorry, I know this is all disjointed and rambling. I just can't.

 

[Topacio]

I get it.

Day in and day out, the same old bullshit....this world, it's rotten.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish I knew what to say to help. I think I know what you mean. I can understand that other people find worth and meaning in their lives and I'm happy for them but I'm struggling more and more to find any point in anything. It's such a horrible place to be in. Are there still things that you enjoy/can distract yourself with or does the empty feeling consume everything?

 

[eternalflame]

Yes, world can be a a terrible place. The rest of the post sounds like depression to me. I used to feel emotionless, now i watch sad videos so my eyes water.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of being tired of everything. It does feel as though there is no real relief from suffering in a life like this. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Best wishes.

 

[chloramine]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish I knew what to say to help. I think I know what you mean. I can understand that other people find worth and meaning in their lives and I'm happy for them but I'm struggling more and more to find any point in anything. It's such a horrible place to be in. Are there still things that you enjoy/can distract yourself with or does the empty feeling consume everything?

Thank you. It depends on the day. There are some things I enjoy, but they aren't accessible. On bad days even those feel meaningless. For different reasons than the things I question the existence of in general (more my inability to do or participate or affect than anything inherent to them themselves).

Yes, world can be a a terrible place. The rest of the post sounds like depression to me. I used to feel emotionless, now i watch sad videos so my eyes water.

I've never been officially diagnosed, but it's likely I've been depressed since I was 10 or so yeah. It's good you have an on demand way to feel again. Even if it's not always pleasant I know adding elements of control make a lot of things more tolerable.

 

[Mjølnir]

I feel you. I don't see a point in anything anymore.

 

[almaranthine]

"I need things that aren't possible and want things back that are gone and I'm so tired."
This sentence sums up everything I feel so succinctly. I think about the past so much, all these mistakes I've made, how I didn't appreciate things I had and sabotaged myself. I could do okay if I could just afford to stay alive and pay for a roof over my head, but I've realized not even this is possible for me. I've run out of options. I'm tired of trying.

 

[Resinn66]

I understand you, i am in the same situation. I don't have the energy to keep going in this bs
Zero motivation in anything, isolation from the outside world. The very thought that I will have to live for who knows how long it terrifies me.

 

[iltloml]

Right there with you. I can't even sleep anymore everything is terrifying

 

[Hollowman]

It doesn't feel pointless it is pointless.

 

[takemenowpls]

I wish we all didn't have to suffer like this. Forced to live out a life we no longer want. Having to resort to methods that could make things even worse if failed. I'm so scared to try again but I know something bad will happen soon and wind up trying again

 

[chloramine]

Thank you to everyone who responded and reacted. It makes the aloneness less. I wish it wasn't such a common experience, but it's nice having people listen and understand.

 

[eternalflame]

Yes, depression is very common now.

 

[Trifecta]

You're definitely not alone in that feeling, it's difficult to find meaning in, well, anything when modern society seems designed to suck the joy out of life. I wish I had better comfort to give but I struggle with the same. Some days it's hard to motivate myself to do anything at all, even hobbies I used to enjoy.

 

[thedaywillcome]

For me its just survival instinct.