Long story short I've been going to the doctors for three years because of my chronic condition with no results and now looking forward to surgery. After so much time alone and worry it just sucks the life out of you. In the beginning you fight but after a while everything goes. It breaks your spirit, leaves you a mess mentally, and leaves you exhausted wishing you were dead. Anybody else dealing with similar circumstances? I attempted suicide once and am lucky I survived, but I'm back to the same shit. I'm a worrier by nature so death scares me but every morning I wake up in a panic when I start to think how screwed I might really be. I don't want this whole trauma to be for nothing as I have a lawsuit pending since this was the result of medical malpractice. This has drained my whole family and if I can't live a decent then I at least want them to live well. I wonder how can I not think why me when I was completely healthy before everything was wrongfully taken fr8me in one night. How would anybody else go about this? I feel completely alone and stuck in my body and mind. Any advice would be appreciated.
lululoo
Mage
- Dec 15, 2018
- 558
I relate. I am still sort of in denial about what has happened to me. There is no answer to the Why Me question and it's maddening. Just know that you are not alone. It's something you don't know about until it happens to you. But then you learn there are just people whose lives get ruined. I'm sorry you are one of us.
I understand... I worry a lot and fear just about everything... I mainly fear a future where I see myself homeless
lululoo
Mage
- Dec 15, 2018
- 558
I developed chronic pain many years ago. Eventually had a surgery for it which didn't help and led me to develop fibromyalgia. Which for me has gotten worse each year and means constant pain, brain fog, fatigue, flu feeling, and a million other symptoms. It's like some sick joke. And people don't even believe it's real.
Flutter
Member
- Feb 25, 2019
- 15
I'm so sorry you had to go through that and are still struggling with your health issues. I can't imagine losing everything in one night.
I agree, isolation changes you. Before my illness got worse, I was depressed, but not suicidal at the time. Now I spend almost all day and all night in bed, alone, with little to no in person interaction. It's like being an empty shell.
I've found that getting out of the house and talking to someone, anyone, over the phone was helpful. I know it's easier said than done. I can't stay out long and sometimes I find I'm too bitter, angry, or depressed to have meaningful interactions with people. There is the rare gift of a few minutes feeling somewhat okay. The physical pain is horrible by the time I get back home, but sometimes I welcome it as a distraction from the horrible anxiety I experience.
People aren't meant to be alone like this. There's a reason solitary confinement is a harsh punishment for unruly and uncooperative prison inmates. It destroys you.
Hang in there. You're amazing to prolong your suffering for your family's sake.
I agree, isolation changes you. Before my illness got worse, I was depressed, but not suicidal at the time. Now I spend almost all day and all night in bed, alone, with little to no in person interaction. It's like being an empty shell.
I've found that getting out of the house and talking to someone, anyone, over the phone was helpful. I know it's easier said than done. I can't stay out long and sometimes I find I'm too bitter, angry, or depressed to have meaningful interactions with people. There is the rare gift of a few minutes feeling somewhat okay. The physical pain is horrible by the time I get back home, but sometimes I welcome it as a distraction from the horrible anxiety I experience.
People aren't meant to be alone like this. There's a reason solitary confinement is a harsh punishment for unruly and uncooperative prison inmates. It destroys you.
Hang in there. You're amazing to prolong your suffering for your family's sake.
Same here I have chronic pain and symptoms down there pelvic and private areas. The constant urge to urinate has driven me nuts. Did you try suing the surgeon. He probably hit some major nerves in a sensitive area. My mom has it too but the worst pain is in her hands. The pain management put her on painkillers and basically made her on addiction. Her life revolves around those pills. The solution now is to take out her bone and keep everything in touch with a string. My doctor even brought up removing my bladder. I'll definitely kill myself before that ever happens. I feel like I gotta hurry up and get better because I can start a career in teaching and still retire at a decent age with benefits. I feel like I have to take care of her now. She's going to live with me no matter what even if I'm married.
Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
Chronic pain here too. I've been dealing with it for 15yrs.
It has significantly affected my marriage and is finally threatening my ability to work.
I've been very careful with pain meds, but in the right amounts, they can help not just with pain, but with one's ability to have a life. Doses too high usually result in lethargy as well as hyperalgesia. In my opinion, if they aren't helpful at low doses, their cost/benefit skews negative at higher doses.
For fibro, though, medical marijuana may be better. There's a handful of studies on that.
It has significantly affected my marriage and is finally threatening my ability to work.
I've been very careful with pain meds, but in the right amounts, they can help not just with pain, but with one's ability to have a life. Doses too high usually result in lethargy as well as hyperalgesia. In my opinion, if they aren't helpful at low doses, their cost/benefit skews negative at higher doses.
For fibro, though, medical marijuana may be better. There's a handful of studies on that.
Watcher
Student
- Nov 17, 2018
- 132
Yeah, haven't anyone of u tried CBD yet? I think it may help you, its the analgesic part of marijuana, without hallucinations that thc can produce.
Last edited:
As a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer I relate to everything you said. I am so sorry you are going through this too. People really dont seem to believe its real. Everyone just acts like its in your head or your exaggerating your symptoms. Doctors have not been much help to me. Its almost as if others cant visually see your illness they act like it isnt real and downplay the pain we are going through (past "friends" did this to me).
:( The one thing that actually seems to help me and I cant even reliably get it because its still illegal (USA).
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
Isolation is a key trigger word because it sums up my life in one word. At first, in childhood I began to isolate as a coping mechanism to bullying, but then because of social anxiety on top I remained put. Then years and years past and nothing changed, because I didn't know how to change it and still don't. Naturally, anger and frustration goes through the roof and yes, it breaks your spirit and warps your mind. Family, therapists don't seem to understand you can't just 'go out and change it' it's just not that simple, and people just aren't that welcoming. Socially I am not on the same level as my peers because there is a giant gap in socializing, so no real reference points in my mind. Just a very small shift in loneliness can shift your perception and make you feel more positive but I have so seldom had any. I feel icky writing this because I could have tried more in the past to break it but it feels too late now.
I wish I had some solid solutions but all I can say is if there are any groups,classes of any kind you can possibly join then maybe try one. As Watcher above said try CBD it can help you cope with the pain a lot, and also calm the mind a bit, maybe try magnesium for that too.
I wish I had some solid solutions but all I can say is if there are any groups,classes of any kind you can possibly join then maybe try one. As Watcher above said try CBD it can help you cope with the pain a lot, and also calm the mind a bit, maybe try magnesium for that too.
Last edited:
Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
It is legal now in all but 16 states... but I expect federal law to change this year.
lululoo
Mage
- Dec 15, 2018
- 558
Ugh yes. It's so hard to deal with.
I have tried CBD and medical marijuana for it but they haven't helped me.
Similar threads
Venting
"You just want your life to change" and then they don't set you up to get the changes you need
- bitofftoomuch
- Suicide Discussion
Suicide Discussion
SecretDissociation
