Isn't it weird how we still care about existence-related stuff.

[affirmatice]

At the very basics of our existence. There are two states - non-existence (not born yet/dead) and existence (alive).

From that viewpoint, everything seems almost entirely meaningless. Success, quality of life, relationships, meaning. These are all things that are immensely important to us as humans - but tied to our existence and consciousness.

In other words, once we are dead, soon or sometime far in the future, all of this is completely and utterly meaningless.

So here I found myself, purchasing SN and writing my suicide notes. With the whole goal being to put an end to my own suffering. Yet, still, despite being on the cusp of this insanely painful, permanent decision, with the whole goal to reach meaningless non-existence. I still care, a lot of us still care.

I still think about how insanely painful this will be to my family. I still think about the life I could've lived with happiness, success, experiences. I still think about whether or not my girlfriend will eventually move on and live her life probably with someone else (I wouldn't want her to suffer, but it still hurts to think about).

It's just ironic. The whole goal is to escape our existence, escape everything in a sense. But while we're here, we still care. It's inevitable, since as of right now, we're still a living human being. But it's almost makes no sense.

 

[alienfreak]

It is profoundly strange and fascinating

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

you speak my thoughts

 

[-nobodyknows-]

For me, it's all about contingency planning. I've tried and failed more times than I've bothered to count, so it's kind of a part of my process now.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Speak for yourself, I personally don't care about anything in existence. If I had access to SN, I'd check out as soon as I can (as I first need to research more about the protocol and a quiet place at night that I can run off too). The only reason why I'm even alive in the first place is because what I'd have to do to even get a chance at dying is just so fucking horrific and cruel

 

[sevennn]

yes i still feel anxiety over everything i felt it before. if it was more certain. then i'd be ok. if i could go somewhere and get assisted. i'd be ok. it's the "will i die from this or not" which keeps me feeling all the same

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think that's the whole problem isn't it? We do care. We're able to feel pain. We're able to empathise with others who are in pain or, who will likely experience pain.

It goes the same for general life stuff for ourselves too. Why bother showering, eating, working if our main ambition is to die? Maybe because we realise we're not in a good position to die at this point and, if we aren't in a position where someone else looks after all our needs, we either have to do it ourselves or, suffer the consequences. I suppose pretty much all the time, we're just trying to find the path with the least resistance, the least amount of pain on for ourselves and others.

That's where suicide is so hard I guess though because, in order to escape our pain, there's a likelihood others will suffer unfortunately.

 

[ghost-shock]

I think that's the whole problem isn't it? We do care. We're able to feel pain. We're able to empathise with others who are in pain or, who will likely experience pain.

It goes the same for general life stuff for ourselves too. Why bother showering, eating, working if our main ambition is to die? Maybe because we realise we're not in a good position to die at this point and, if we aren't in a position where someone else looks after all our needs, we either have to do it ourselves or, suffer the consequences. I suppose pretty much all the time, we're just trying to find the path with the least resistance, the least amount of pain on for ourselves and others.

That's where suicide is so hard I guess though because, in order to escape our pain, there's a likelihood others will suffer unfortunately.

I guess im lucky because no one will suffer when im gone. I genuinely have nothing to care for, i think thats what makes suicide easier for me. However suicidal ideation is whats stopped me in my past attempts.

 

[candy578]

For me, it's the knowledge that life carries on regardless of whatever happens in your life. I hope one day this means that life carries on as normal once I'm gone. However, for now, it means that no matter how much I don't want to carry on, I'm not currently in the right place to be able to die, so I need to make some effort to keep up with everyday commitments. I have tried and failed to die in the past, and I have become unwell to the point of not being able to keep up with anything before. Through this, I've learnt that it's generally a lot easier to keep up with everything going on in life, even if feels meaningless rather than trying to pull the pieces back together later down the line