Venting is wanting to be a playboy bunny bad?

[synthcadia]

i was scrolling on tiktok and i saw a tiktok for playboy bunny doing auditions to find more models…

maybe it's because of my trauma or just me thinking that my life is kinda worthless atm, even with my "achievements," i wanted to be a model or a playboy bunny. (if i didn't have a gf.) and i feel horribly ashamed for that. i wanna dress sluttily and have more confidence in myself but i feel ashamed in doing that. i tried to tell my mom that i wanted to "get" (long story short i already had it bc of an ex)this one lingere set from moeflavor (i loved it) but my mom told me that i was "sending the wrong message" and it made me feel like shit. i cried. got a more "respectable" piece of lingere. makes me feel old though and it doesn't fit well.

if i don't ctb before 35 i'll become a prostitute and then ctb. i'd like to be a playboy bunny and be self-destructive.

am i fucked for this? i honestly hate myself for wanting this tbh.

 

[bedhead_baby]

I think any time feelings are suppressed (sexual, anger, sadness, happiness, curiosity, anything) it makes it harder to express them properly, so they turn self destructive. Especially if you've been shamed for it. Based on my own experience, but that seems to be the case. I don't think it's weird or anything, but maybe take a breather and dabble in safer ways to express sexuality, like a social media account where you can practice modeling, or even an OF account.

Edit, just wanted to add, no shame in being "slutty"! And I can't guarantee any harmful thoughts or feelings will go away, but if you can practice what you like safely, the destructive tendencies might die down since they won't be as bottled up anymore. Of course I can't say for sure, but no harm in trying you know?

 

[dreamscape1111]

Wear whatever the fuck you want, sister! Whatever makes you feel sexy and authentic. :P

If you're choosing to do porn because you are just naturally very sexually expressive it should be totally fine.
But when it comes from a place of lack and trauma response, then I'm not sure how much it'll be serving anyone involved. <3

You do you though, babe, it's your life.

 

[Tatenokai]

Do let me know if I'm wrong but it seems you have low self-esteem and I'm not saying this to be demeaning. I've known a lot of women in my life who degrade themselves as a form of self harm, they feel they only have superficial value and so want to destroy themselves (so they have no value whatsoever). You're not a piece of meat for men to leer at and touch themselves to, you're a beautiful creation (even if you don't believe it) and I pray that you learn to value yourself more.

As for prostitution, I can speak from experience. My mother was a prostitute and I can tell you that it destroyed her, and destroys most women who enter that profession. I hope you don't do that to yourself, if you need to talk I'm here.

 

[synthcadia]

I think any time feelings are suppressed (sexual, anger, sadness, happiness, curiosity, anything) it makes it harder to express them properly, so they turn self destructive. Especially if you've been shamed for it. Based on my own experience, but that seems to be the case. I don't think it's weird or anything, but maybe take a breather and dabble in safer ways to express sexuality, like a social media account where you can practice modeling, or even an OF account.

Edit, just wanted to add, no shame in being "slutty"! And I can't guarantee any harmful thoughts or feelings will go away, but if you can practice what you like safely, the destructive tendencies might die down since they won't be as bottled up anymore. Of course I can't say for sure, but no harm in trying you know?

i do slutty things for my gf and idk if she would be comfortable with me doing that, but even if she was i'd be afraid of a future employer finding it. and yeah, though in my culture being slutty is bad. maybe it'll get better when i'm with my gf. thank u.

Wear whatever the fuck you want, sister! Whatever makes you feel sexy and authentic. :P

If you're choosing to do porn because you are just naturally very sexually expressive it should be totally fine.
But when it comes from a place of lack and trauma response, then I'm not sure how much it'll be serving anyone involved. <3

You do you though, babe, it's your life.

thank you. my closet is a bit outdated but i don't mind it. many baggy clothes tbh. some short shorts. i think my mom is afraid that i'll be asking for it. again, if i'm with my gf i think i'll get better. thank you.

Do let me know if I'm wrong but it seems you have low self-esteem and I'm not saying this to be demeaning. I've known a lot of women in my life who degrade themselves as a form of self harm, they feel they only have superficial value and so want to destroy themselves (so they have no value whatsoever). You're not a piece of meat for men to leer at and touch themselves to, you're a beautiful creation (even if you don't believe it) and I pray that you learn to value yourself more.

As for prostitution, I can speak from experience. My mother was a prostitute and I can tell you that it destroyed her, and destroys most women who enter that profession. I hope you don't do that to yourself, if you need to talk I'm here.

i do, my self-esteem was better but not physically. it got better with my online appearance. but i struggle with my physical appearance. i have disordered eating. and thank you. <3

i will probably be a lawyer, so don't worry about me lol. that may destroy me too tho.

 

[bedhead_baby]

i do slutty things for my gf and idk if she would be comfortable with me doing that, but even if she was i'd be afraid of a future employer finding it. and yeah, though in my culture being slutty is bad. maybe it'll get better when i'm with my gf. thank u.

If you keep your face covered, or cut out of pictures entirely, I don't think any employers would find it. And of course don't share sensitive info, and cover any obvious birth marks or tattoos. If it's something you want to pursue I think you can be safe about it, and of course you could also keep it sfw and still be a little risque :P Wishing you and your gf well <33

 

[ApparentlyNot]

NO you are not fucked for this. I am sorry your mother has said things like that to you ("sending the wrong message"), like, she doesn't even know what message you're trying to send in the first place! Parents don't realize how damaging a simple statement like that is. And some cannot grasp that their children are autonomous individuals who might not make the same choices as they would. Embrace what you want to do, wear what makes you feel good and confident. There is no shame in showing your body when you want to do it, and don't let anyone tell you different. Just be safe.

And don't turn to prostitution unless you truly believe that life is for you, for most people, it is hell, because just like we are not allowed to exercise bodily autonomy to CTB, we cannot exercise bodily autonomy for profit and that makes both of these endeavors extremely, unnecessarily dangerous. I would highly recommend reconsidering that as an option at all, not because it is inherently a bad profession or shameful, but because it has been made that way and you are risking seeing a really negative side of humanity. And seriously, talk to your GF about what you're interested in. Communicating these things to your partner can be really scary, but it is crucial that you can be yourself and explore your body/sexuality/dress/whatever with this person in an honest open way. If you feel comfortable ofc.

Also, love your pic. Madoka is one of my all time favorite animes!

 

[EmptyMirror]

i was scrolling on tiktok and i saw a tiktok for playboy bunny doing auditions to find more models…

maybe it's because of my trauma or just me thinking that my life is kinda worthless atm, even with my "achievements," i wanted to be a model or a playboy bunny. (if i didn't have a gf.) and i feel horribly ashamed for that. i wanna dress sluttily and have more confidence in myself but i feel ashamed in doing that. i tried to tell my mom that i wanted to "get" (long story short i already had it bc of an ex)this one lingere set from moeflavor (i loved it) but my mom told me that i was "sending the wrong message" and it made me feel like shit. i cried. got a more "respectable" piece of lingere. makes me feel old though and it doesn't fit well.

if i don't ctb before 35 i'll become a prostitute and then ctb. i'd like to be a playboy bunny and be self-destructive.

am i fucked for this? i honestly hate myself for wanting this tbh.

Of course you're not fucked up for wanting something like that. I think it's really admirable your at least thinking about wanting to have more confidence and do what you want etc. It says your ashamed, though there's nothing to be ashamed of. It seems like that feeling of being ashamed is being created/reinforced by your mother (sorry if that's rude). Unfortunately becoming lessed ashamed doesn't happen quickly, but if you take a step towards something like feeling less ashamed the next step you take is much easier in my opinion. The main thing is how it makes you feel, and if you know you want to do something you have the right to do it, hopefully you can express yourself freely in the future! That's my input sorry if I overstepped.

 

[trentgreen]

Here's an off-the-wall thought - cosplaying a character at a sci-fi or other convention could be a way to go about it. Many to choose from, and putting on another persona can be liberating

 

[Praestat_Mori]

In my opinion it's certainly not a bad thing, we're not in the middle ages anymore! When you want it you should try it and this would also give you a goal you want to work towards and put efforts in it which may have positive effects for you and your personal life!

I can understand your parents a bit, parents are usually not "happy" when their children want to become models/playboy bunnies and the like, but they still should support you, as it's your life and you have to make the experiences.

 

[synthcadia]

If you keep your face covered, or cut out of pictures entirely, I don't think any employers would find it. And of course don't share sensitive info, and cover any obvious birth marks or tattoos. If it's something you want to pursue I think you can be safe about it, and of course you could also keep it sfw and still be a little risque :P Wishing you and your gf well <33

mhm. i guess i'm just worried in case i work for the government one day. >< and thank you. <3 maybe one day i'll have the courage to do it. (: and thank u! i love her sm

NO you are not fucked for this. I am sorry your mother has said things like that to you ("sending the wrong message"), like, she doesn't even know what message you're trying to send in the first place! Parents don't realize how damaging a simple statement like that is. And some cannot grasp that their children are autonomous individuals who might not make the same choices as they would. Embrace what you want to do, wear what makes you feel good and confident. There is no shame in showing your body when you want to do it, and don't let anyone tell you different. Just be safe.

And don't turn to prostitution unless you truly believe that life is for you, for most people, it is hell, because just like we are not allowed to exercise bodily autonomy to CTB, we cannot exercise bodily autonomy for profit and that makes both of these endeavors extremely, unnecessarily dangerous. I would highly recommend reconsidering that as an option at all, not because it is inherently a bad profession or shameful, but because it has been made that way and you are risking seeing a really negative side of humanity. And seriously, talk to your GF about what you're interested in. Communicating these things to your partner can be really scary, but it is crucial that you can be yourself and explore your body/sexuality/dress/whatever with this person in an honest open way. If you feel comfortable ofc.

Also, love your pic. Madoka is one of my all time favorite animes!

yeah my mon was raised with a mother who was judgemental and she passed it onto me. and thank you. because of some other comments she has made, i inadvertently eat less as a result. i will try to be safe. <3 and mh, the way you put it makes me reconsider that, at least under someone else's control. thank you. and madoka is also one of my favorite all time too. <3

Of course you're not fucked up for wanting something like that. I think it's really admirable your at least thinking about wanting to have more confidence and do what you want etc. It says your ashamed, though there's nothing to be ashamed of. It seems like that feeling of being ashamed is being created/reinforced by your mother (sorry if that's rude). Unfortunately becoming lessed ashamed doesn't happen quickly, but if you take a step towards something like feeling less ashamed the next step you take is much easier in my opinion. The main thing is how it makes you feel, and if you know you want to do something you have the right to do it, hopefully you can express yourself freely in the future! That's my input sorry if I overstepped.

thank you mirror. <3 (i am tired so sorry for short responses. ><) not oversstepping at all!

Here's an off-the-wall thought - cosplaying a character at a sci-fi or other convention could be a way to go about it. Many to choose from, and putting on another persona can be liberating

yeah, maybe! my mom was kinda against cosplaying too and i've been trying to find an affordable character to cosplay…

In my opinion it's certainly not a bad thing, we're not in the middle ages anymore! When you want it you should try it and this would also give you a goal you want to work towards and put efforts in it which may have positive effects for you and your personal life!

I can understand your parents a bit, parents are usually not "happy" when their children want to become models/playboy bunnies and the like, but they still should support you, as it's your life and you have to make the experiences.

thank you mori. <3 i understand them too but they don't have to shame either. >< my mom said being an artist makes no money, so… yeah. i wanted to be an astronomer, but no money. astronaut —> "why didn't you tell me this sooner?" so yeah