Is this wrong?

[JoeFailure]

Kind of strange that I'm seeking so much life counseling here but there's nowhere else I can talk about likely having to CTB.

I met this really nice girl that's in a wheelchair for life and has gone through a lot and still got her Masters while working two jobs. Makes me feel like a pile of shit obviously.

But we actually hit it off and for like an hour I forgot my life is a shitbag disaster and I said yes to a date. The problem is obviously that I can barely support myself and I'm obviously this close to ctb, I kind of feel guilty about it.

I felt really good that she's looking for a teaching job and one of my best friends happens to work in one of the premier school districts in the country here and he's going to put in a word for her so hopefully she can be all set and live an awesome life that she's earned and deserves.

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

 

[restingspot]

Kind of strange that I'm seeking so much life counseling here but there's nowhere else I can talk about likely having to CTB.

I met this really nice girl that's in a wheelchair for life and has gone through a lot and still got her Masters while working two jobs. Makes me feel like a pile of shit obviously.

But we actually hit it off and for like an hour I forgot my life is a shitbag disaster and I said yes to a date. The problem is obviously that I can barely support myself and I'm obviously this close to ctb, I kind of feel guilty about it.

I felt really good that she's looking for a teaching job and one of my best friends happens to work in one of the premier school districts in the country here and he's going to put in a word for her so hopefully she can be all set and live an awesome life that she's earned and deserves.

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

Don't cancel.

 

[kuddelmuddel23]

Kind of strange that I'm seeking so much life counseling here but there's nowhere else I can talk about likely having to CTB.

I met this really nice girl that's in a wheelchair for life and has gone through a lot and still got her Masters while working two jobs. Makes me feel like a pile of shit obviously.

But we actually hit it off and for like an hour I forgot my life is a shitbag disaster and I said yes to a date. The problem is obviously that I can barely support myself and I'm obviously this close to ctb, I kind of feel guilty about it.

I felt really good that she's looking for a teaching job and one of my best friends happens to work in one of the premier school districts in the country here and he's going to put in a word for her so hopefully she can be all set and live an awesome life that she's earned and deserves.

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

Nope, don't cancel. Go for it!

 

[No Future]

She sounds like a rolemodel, as well as a catch.

Go for it. Forget your woes for a bit.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Kind of strange that I'm seeking so much life counseling here but there's nowhere else I can talk about likely having to CTB.

I met this really nice girl that's in a wheelchair for life and has gone through a lot and still got her Masters while working two jobs. Makes me feel like a pile of shit obviously.

But we actually hit it off and for like an hour I forgot my life is a shitbag disaster and I said yes to a date. The problem is obviously that I can barely support myself and I'm obviously this close to ctb, I kind of feel guilty about it.

I felt really good that she's looking for a teaching job and one of my best friends happens to work in one of the premier school districts in the country here and he's going to put in a word for her so hopefully she can be all set and live an awesome life that she's earned and deserves.

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

Don't cancel

 

[Paisley]

i don't believe that agreeing to the date was wrong of you. if you don't go then you may regret your decision. chances at happiness are rare.

 

[Righttodie]

Kind of strange that I'm seeking so much life counseling here but there's nowhere else I can talk about likely having to CTB.

I met this really nice girl that's in a wheelchair for life and has gone through a lot and still got her Masters while working two jobs. Makes me feel like a pile of shit obviously.

But we actually hit it off and for like an hour I forgot my life is a shitbag disaster and I said yes to a date. The problem is obviously that I can barely support myself and I'm obviously this close to ctb, I kind of feel guilty about it.

I felt really good that she's looking for a teaching job and one of my best friends happens to work in one of the premier school districts in the country here and he's going to put in a word for her so hopefully she can be all set and live an awesome life that she's earned and deserves.

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

Hey man.

Do you.

What do you think about cancelling the date. Will it work ?

What about not cancelling. What effect will that have ?

 

[JoeFailure]

The thing is obviously that I have literally $2400 to my name and am terrified I can't focus enough to keep my current job. And I'm 35. I can't ultimately help take care of her.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Don't cancel. Obviously.

The thing is obviously that I have literally $2400 to my name and am terrified I can't focus enough to keep my current job. And I'm 35. I can't ultimately help take care of her.

Worry about that later.

 

[Paisley]

The thing is obviously that I have literally $2400 to my name and am terrified I can't focus enough to keep my current job. And I'm 35. I can't ultimately help take care of her.

it's my opinion that if she's worth being with then she won't care about your finances. but really she should be able to give her own stance on the subject, as nobody except her can actually know what she thinks. i'd suggest mentioning your concerns to her in some way when it feels appropriate. probably not a topic that i'd bring up on the first date though.

 

[Jean Améry]

If you think she could provide you with a reason to keep trying I would not cancel the date. In dating there are nog guarantees it will work out so if there comes a point you have to stop seeing her it doesn't matter what the reason for it will be (CTB or something else).

Of course if you do decide to CTB she should not find out about it as it will lead to guilt and this girl obviously has enough to contend with.

As to your financial and mental problems: if at one point a relationship becomes an option I think you should be honest about these things.

Good luck. Do let us know how it went.

 

[Slate128]

You got this. See if you can be the person she deserves.

 

[Asta]

Go for it, Joe! It always helps to have a good friend, even if nothing romantic comes of it.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I'm hoping I can at least do that for someone else. But I kind of feel bad I said yes to the date. Should I cancel it?

I think you should go on the date. Who knows, you might just enjoy having a conversation with her.

 

[Soul]

Team Joe here. You got this.
Enjoy the time you spend with her.
Baby steps.

 

[JoeFailure]

I appreciate the feedback, everyone. I'll try to just enjoy it. I wish things were different with money, I really do. I think I could've made this girl happy from an emotional standpoint and physically taking care of her. She brought back the personality I had that I hadn't in months, the guy that people liked being around. Even a shred of confidence was there.

But I just don't have the money or career to make this happen as is. I will say this adderall is working a little bit so far, I already got more done today than I have in any one day in weeks.

 

[restingspot]

The thing is obviously that I have literally $2400 to my name and am terrified I can't focus enough to keep my current job. And I'm 35. I can't ultimately help take care of her.

I have $0.38 to my name and I'm aggressively scrounging for a job and dropping out of college because I need money more than my studies at the moment, all to be with someone who has a mutual feeling and who gets me out of my suicidal ruts.

Opportunity knocks and you'll never know when it will come back, so don't cancel. Do it.

 

[JoeFailure]

I have $0.38 to my name and I'm aggressively scrounging for a job and dropping out of college because I need money more than my studies at the moment, all to be with someone who has a mutual feeling and who gets me out of my suicidal ruts.

Opportunity knocks and you'll never know when it will come back, so don't cancel. Do it.

But you're so young. You have a chance to be fine. Even if you don't go to college, there are a lot of jobs out there that can help build you a happy life.

It kills me when I see the young kids on here wanting to CTB because of college. I think I've mentioned this but I knew a guy who dropped out of college after year 1, just knew it wasn't for him. He became a plumber. He had paid off that college debt and had $50,000 in savings by the time he was 24. He makes like $80-$90,000 a year now and has a nice house, nice wife, nice kids and is happy. And I'm happy for him.

Yeah it's a "shitty" job, but the dude doesn't care, he puts in his time and goes home happy every single day to his wife and kids. And I know some people here think that's not real, but it is. Also since he started at the same place when he was 19, he's on track to retire at like 55. He has no job stress because he knows how to do it, the work doesn't change, and it's secure because we're always going to need plumbers.

Not saying that's what you have to do, but life can really be that simple. You are young, the possibilities are endless to build a happy life whether it's with a glamorous job or not, just be smart with your money. That's the best advice I can ever give to anyone now.

 

[Jean Améry]

I think I could've made this girl happy from an emotional standpoint and physically taking care of her.

In this day and age you as a man do not need to provide for a woman: all you need to do is have a steady source of income and contribute equally once you live together. If you both have jobs and care for eachother (which is still uncertain at this point but it's positive she wants to go on a date with you) I think you'll be fine as you indicated she makes you feel like your old self again. From experience I know female interest/care will do wonders for a man's well-being and confidence.

With confidence and a reason to live you can strive to better yourself and find a job that pays more/offers better perspectives. It's certainly not too late for that.

If a reasonable alternative to CTB exists you owe it to yourself and to those around you to explore it.

 

[restingspot]

But you're so young. You have a chance to be fine. Even if you don't go to college, there are a lot of jobs out there that can help build you a happy life.

It kills me when I see the young kids on here wanting to CTB because of college. I think I've mentioned this but I knew a guy who dropped out of college after year 1, just knew it wasn't for him. He became a plumber. He had paid off that college debt and had $50,000 in savings by the time he was 24. He makes like $80-$90,000 a year now and has a nice house, nice wife, nice kids and is happy. And I'm happy for him.

Yeah it's a "shitty" job, but the dude doesn't care, he puts in his time and goes home happy every single day to his wife and kids. And I know some people here think that's not real, but it is. Also since he started at the same place when he was 19, he's on track to retire at like 55. He has no job stress because he knows how to do it, the work doesn't change, and it's secure because we're always going to need plumbers.

Not saying that's what you have to do, but life can really be that simple. You are young, the possibilities are endless to build a happy life whether it's with a glamorous job or not, just be smart with your money. That's the best advice I can ever give to anyone now.

I want to CTB for different reasons actually. 35 isn't that old either.

 

[lululoo]

Joe, I think you sell yourself short. I've seen you mention your salary in other threads and it's totally fine. Keep in mind that a woman living alone is supporting herself entirely on her own salary. Say you fall in love and live together. Your combined income will be plenty. You will both be better off and "richer" than if you were alone. You do not have to support her completely! Honestly you could be earning minimum wage and still find a relationship. People are interested in others for more than just money. If you are healthy and kind you have a lot going for you (speaking as an unhealthy person who doesn't have much to offer).

 

[TimeToDie]

The thing is obviously that I have literally $2400 to my name and am terrified I can't focus enough to keep my current job. And I'm 35. I can't ultimately help take care of her.

She is working and has a graduate degree. She might be able to take care of you!

 

[JJ-NOHOPE]

Go on the date Joe.

Sounds like a great opportunity!

 

[JoeFailure]

The date went well. I'm not sure we're a perfect match but I don't think it matters. I wouldn't be able to help give her a good life.

She came from a poor life and I doubt she wants to go back to that. So weird to call myself poor, I never thought of myself that way. Denial and delusion is so strong.

 

[No Future]

The date went well. I'm not sure we're a perfect match but I don't think it matters. I wouldn't be able to help give her a good life.

She came from a poor life and I doubt she wants to go back to that. So weird to call myself poor, I never thought of myself that way. Denial and delusion is so strong.

Give yourself more credit, mate.

You put yourself out there at a vunerable time and took a chance; difficult to do, but really the only way to grow.

A perfect match is rare (impossible/unrealistic, really). If the date went well, and you have things in common, keep in touch. I realise you may feel that any sort of relationship isn't feasible, but you either gain from this, or breakeven. Don't consider a loss.

The onus isn't on you to provide her a good life; a good companion, romantic, or otherwise, is incredibly valuable. All relationships (even friendships) are equal parts understanding and having common ground. There's a possibility she may feel the same, but I obviously can't speak to that.

But as you said, the date went well. A lot of people's optimism is shaky after a first date, so you obviously feel you did something right. Don't ignore that.

 

[soda_pressed]

Don't cancel! Go on the date, you might have fun

 

[mold]

go for it! she seems really sweet and maybe you can get to know her better. it seems she can be a good role model too! :)