mentalhealthfighter
Lets win together
- Jun 15, 2021
- 362
is it fair for me to have to live for my mom? Is it fair that i first have to try therapy, etc before she allows me to CTB?
yes, im glad shes working with me. but i really want it ASAP and that feels bad.It's a compromise that you might be interested in doing to console her. After all, unfortunately suicide is quite selfish and personally I feel like I need to stick around and try some things before I throw in the towel. I want to leave as little grief behind as possible. Well done for being open with her, it's worth it imo. I'm glad she has some understanding of what you are going through to allow you to CTB eventually
I know the feeling buddy. Maybe you can hang on in there. Try for recovery in the meantime, who knows, maybe it'll helpyes, im glad shes working with me. but i really want it ASAP and that feels bad.
Because I still feel like shit. And I have small seizures from it.I thought you said ur meds are working in recovery. Why do you still consider ctb so badly?
Tbh she doesn't understand my pain so I feel like it's justified jumping a trainGenerally I agree that the decision to CTB is somewhat selfish. However (!) it is also selfish of others to keep you from CTBing because they don't want to lose you. One inflicts pain on them (the loss and grief), the other inflicts pain on you (continuing to live).
I think just like @jodes2 said, it's a compromise.
You are being asked to give treatment a fair chance.
You are being asked to give your mom a fair chance by letting her try and help you.
If you decide to CTB after all options have failed/run out, it will be easier for your mom to accept your decision.
It will be easier to deal with the grief and loss that she will no doubt struggle with.
So, I think you giving treatment a chance (not forever, but for a while) is an act of kindness towards her.
It kinda boils down to a philosophical question that I have been asking myself for a while:
What do we owe to each other?
How much care should we take for others and how much care should we take of ourselves. I think there is a balance to strike, but everyone has to decide where that balance is.
I get that. But for seizures there are longterm meds like keppra, lamotrigine and clonazepam. Lamotrigine is good cuz it's also an antidepressant and mood stabalizer. But many people can't tolerate it. As for the still feel like shit part maybe do some exercise, go outside, eat healthy, regular sleep pattern, do some hobbies, get your blood checked from a doctor maybe you have some lacks and need supplements for it like vitamin D or K for example, maybe pop some molly I know ur schizophrenic but yeah i think it might be worth it if u consider ctb anyways as a last option but what do i know. But look it up first if u decide on doing anything and as of always it's your decision. Best of luck broBecause I still feel like shit. And I have small seizures from it.
Nobody who isn't going through what we are going through will ever understand the pain we are in.Tbh she doesn't understand my pain so I feel like it's justified jumping a train
Giving him seizure isn't a fair treatment.Generally I agree that the decision to CTB is somewhat selfish. However (!) it is also selfish of others to keep you from CTBing because they don't want to lose you. One inflicts pain on them (the loss and grief), the other inflicts pain on you (continuing to live).
I think just like @jodes2 said, it's a compromise.
You are being asked to give treatment a fair chance.
You are being asked to give your mom a fair chance by letting her try and help you.
If you decide to CTB after all options have failed/run out, it will be easier for your mom to accept your decision.
It will be easier to deal with the grief and loss that she will no doubt struggle with.
So, I think you giving treatment a chance (not forever, but for a while) is an act of kindness towards her.
It kinda boils down to a philosophical question that I have been asking myself for a while:
What do we owe to each other?
How much care should we take for others and how much care should we take of ourselves. I think there is a balance to strike, but everyone has to decide where that balance is.
in my opinion it's just for her, no mother should lose a child, it's the most horrible thing that can happen to a person. I think you should try to improve (if you can) and make your mother happy, she is surely the happiest in the world noticing and having your presence, sorry if you can't do anything, I was just answering your question. A kiss!!is it fair for me to have to live for my mom? Is it fair that i first have to try therapy, etc before she allows me to CTB?
In my experience after being suicidal and having many attempts, and having people try to convince me to stay and give life "just one more shot" it was never just "one more shot". It was continued pressure to live and threatening to ship me somewhere… working with her will eventually lead to continued suggestions for you to stay alive. It is not fair or morally right to coerce someone to live for another. Think of it this way… ANY thing could happen to your mom. She could die tomorrow, get sick, disappear, etc. my point in saying that is life is not guaranteed or promised so when we live for others we could be digging a deeper hole for ourselves.is it fair for me to have to live for my mom? Is it fair that i first have to try therapy, etc before she allows me to CTB?