By threatening suicide you are basically emotionally blackmailing him to take you back? He did it 17 years ago. I would only want someone to want me back if they still loved me.
You are worth more than this.
Who did it 17 years ago?
We've been together 17 years you don't throw that away because someone got sick and had to face her abusive childhood. It took me only two years to make peace with that but not enough too little too late. There is no threat I will be read by the time my suicide letter reaches him.
Even then...he didn't give me the last chance to show him how amazingly happy we would be, how excited I was to start life with him with that behind me.
Nothing matters anymore I'm currently trying to have dog fostered until he can take him and then I am out. My method is going to have to change as I can't find 99% sodium nitrate online without it costing ridiculous amounts
I see other members have already suggested this. But honestly, it doesn't sound like a methodically planned and well reasoned exit. It sounds more like a suicide of heightened emotion and one just for making a point - especially with how your plan to take it in some 15 minute interval comes across. It's always your choice, just know the statistics. It's likely you'll cool down and it's likely you're not thinking straight enough to plan an effective exit strategy and your heart isn't truly in it. With all that said, if you truly want to CTB, my advice is to do way more research than you seemingly already have. Literally weeks more and come up with a better plan.
I spent two years researching this. Whilst I may not have perfect plans like others on the forums I planned it none the less.
I will end my life and I won't be taking weeks to do it.
He was all I had left and he's gone so I am done.
Tramadol isn't a good choice. Overdoses cause vomiting and seizures.
@Imlostwithouthim, I'm sorry you're contemplating such things, and that you're struggling with this separation. There are miles of information in the List of Resources near the top of the forum; please research thoroughly before doing anything, ok? (((Hugs)))
Thank you for your kind words.
The only resource I need that is a method I can do at home that isn't a gun and WILL work
Im pointing out the absurdity of requiring 98, 99 or 99.9% only, as if some small percentage of impurities would act as an antidote.
This was my thought, the Indian gentleman I mentioned in my OP ordered a bottle of water which I can only assume he used to wash down the sodium. If I am taking whatever amount of grammes it is to ensure death I am going to have to be able to swallow it or it would end up looking like a shit, poisonous version of the cinnamon challenge.
Fair, so the issue is mostly access. Hmm, as for other opiates. Any, Vic, codeine, oxy, or my personal favourite, heroin etc. Codeine or ox are probably your best bet
Access is a biggy I live in the UK and don't take illegal drugs or know how to access them. Not savvy enough for the deep web drug forums.
My backup method was slitting my wrists from wrist to elbow. I'm researching how quick I would bleed out as once I send my suicide note to him, it would only take a matter of 20 minutes for him to get there to open the door for an ambulance.
The pathetic thing is no one would check on me or know I was gone for days. They'd just think I was in bed crying it out. There's no more crying it out, my life was full of abuse from cradle until I met him. I thought I had escaped it all until two years ago when it came back and reared its head. I made peace with my past a week ago and was ready to start anew with my husband, my life saver, my hero and now there is no hope, he won't come back to me no matter what I do. I don't want a life with anyone else and that is my choice.
I will do whatever it takes to end my life, I didn't choose an overdose purely for the sake of my family as I seen what it did to my cousins body when she did it, but now I am beyond giving a shit. I just want to be gone.
