Venting Is this bad?

[BipolarGuy]

My tracking has updated today and the parcel is now in my country.
What a relief after several days of no updates.

Things are probably going to start happening in the next week and half (though I do have arrangements to make and things to sort out).

Just wanted to get people's opinion on this...

There are a few people who I know in real life who care about me and will be genuinely be sad when the time comes.
But although my family and others will be 'sad', the fact is they contributed massively to how I'm feeling, and they know it.

Is it 'right' of me to want them to feel shame/guilt/etc?
I'm not doing this to hurt them of course, but god knows the torment they've put me through.
Emotional abuse since I was a child, manipulation, lack of basic respect and judgement from people who should know better.
If they're going to treat me bad and not help, then live with the consequences is what I say.
This probably sounds bad, but christ I hope this strikes at the very core of their being and shakes the foundations of their self.

I'm bitter, does it come across at all?

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't think it's ideal to kill oneself for the sole purpose of causing others pain or shame, but it can make some nice icing on the cake.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I don't think it's ideal to kill oneself for the sole purpose of causing others pain or shame, but it can make some nice icing on the cake.

No I'm not planning to do this specifically to hurt people. What I'm saying is that I hope the people who contributed to me feeling like this feel this way afterwards.

 

[Worndown]

If you truly take thus path, do it for your reasons. Do not expect or count on massive grief to overcome your survivors. That should never be part of your motivation.

 

[TheQ22]

If they've been horrible to you, then pointing out they've been horrible to you may be their way of overcoming any guilt by saying "what a horrible thing to say to us, we were right to treat him that way".

If you see what I mean.

Sometimes maybe less is more, leave them to wonder and stew in their own juices?

 

[BipolarGuy]

If they've been horrible to you, then pointing out they've been horrible to you may be their way of overcoming any guilt by saying "what a horrible thing to say to us, we were right to treat him that way".

If you see what I mean.

Sometimes maybe less is more, leave them to wonder and stew in their own juices?

I hadn't thought about that, but I'm not planning on leaving a note other than literally a few words on social media.
People know I've been having issues and after my attempt last year and putting a long note on social media back then, I don't feel that I want to write a long note.
So as a result I guess people will be stewing in their own juices when they eventually find out?

 

[TheQ22]

I hadn't thought about that, but I'm not planning on leaving a note other than literally a few words on social media.
People know I've been having issues and after my attempt last year and putting a long note on social media back then, I don't feel that I want to write a long note.
So as a result I guess people will be stewing in their own juices when they eventually find out?

It's up to you bud, I was just pondering how other people think, especially abusive ones, and how they might re-write history to paint themselves as the victims.

It's what abusers are good at doing - projecting and passing the buck.

 

[BipolarGuy]

It's up to you bud, I was just pondering how other people think, especially abusive ones, and how they might re-write history to paint themselves as the victims.

It's what abusers are good at doing - projecting and passing the buck.

Yes that's interesting.
What would you do to overcome this?

 

[Silver]

To be honest I think an abusive person won't blame themselves but will continue to blame you after your death.

 

[TheQ22]

I'm not sure there's anything you can do to overcome it, which is perhaps why you should do what you feel is best, after all you know them and I/we don't.

All I do know is how exasperating it is that when you are stood in front of someone like that, even if you have factual evidence with you, they can talk the hind legs off a donkey and convince even you that black is white, up is down, and they are very adept at it.

So when you're not there they'll be able to paint whatever picture they like even easier.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Is it 'right' of me to want them to feel shame/guilt/etc?

Yes yes yes

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm not sure there's anything you can do to overcome it, which is perhaps why you should do what you feel is best, after all you know them and I/we don't.

All I do know is how exasperating it is that when you are stood in front of someone like that, even if you have factual evidence with you, they can talk the hind legs off a donkey and convince even you that black is white, up is down, and they are very adept at it.

So when you're not there they'll be able to paint whatever picture they like even easier.

One thing I have already done is upload some of the abuse they've put my way to social media for all to see, with screenshot evidence of abusive texts.

But yes you're right. I feel like I've used this word a lot recently but we are talking about manipulators.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Maybe just prepare 1-2 screenshots of a conversation as an example of how you've been treated? Or call, confront, and record the conversation.

edit: lol, took me a while to type

 

[Ghost2211]

No I'm not planning to do this specifically to hurt people. What I'm saying is that I hope the people who contributed to me feeling like this feel this way afterwards.

It's ok I like yummy cake icing too.

 

[Ulisses]

what is your method? I wish you peace.

 

[BipolarGuy]

It's ok I like yummy cake icing too.

Sugar is bad for your health and I would never do anything that could result in long term effects on my health like diabetes.

:)

 

[Passerby]

'My tracking has updated today and the parcel is now in my country'

Why am i sad to hear that I should be happy for you, sorry.

 

[Ghost2211]

'My tracking has updated today and the parcel is now in my country'

Why am i sad to hear that I should be happy for you, sorry.

Welcome to what it's like having suicidal friends. You're happy for them, but sad for you.

 

[the witch’s lament]

as long as your reasons for leaving are more than just how others will feel, I guess it doesn't really matter. I kinda think about this in terms of my own being remembered. I would consider how you manifest this "bitterness" at the end of everything.

 

[Mr2005]

I have the same predicament with my mum

 

[tidalwxves]

My tracking has updated today and the parcel is now in my country.
What a relief after several days of no updates.

Things are probably going to start happening in the next week and half (though I do have arrangements to make and things to sort out).

Just wanted to get people's opinion on this...

There are a few people who I know in real life who care about me and will be genuinely be sad when the time comes.
But although my family and others will be 'sad', the fact is they contributed massively to how I'm feeling, and they know it.

Is it 'right' of me to want them to feel shame/guilt/etc?
I'm not doing this to hurt them of course, but god knows the torment they've put me through.
Emotional abuse since I was a child, manipulation, lack of basic respect and judgement from people who should know better.
If they're going to treat me bad and not help, then live with the consequences is what I say.
This probably sounds bad, but christ I hope this strikes at the very core of their being and shakes the foundations of their self.

I'm bitter, does it come across at all?

The bitterness does come across, but it's not something to judge. You're just hurt, its nothing to be ashamed of. While you don't need to be ashamed it is something I would encourage you to work through. Who can you talk to? Do you have a therapist?

 

[BipolarGuy]

The bitterness does come across, but it's not something to judge. You're just hurt, its nothing to be ashamed of. While you don't need to be ashamed it is something I would encourage you to work through. Who can you talk to? Do you have a therapist?

No I have nobody to talk to unfortunately.

 

[tidalwxves]

No I have nobody to talk to unfortunately.

Talk to someone here, you can pm me! Also please give talking to a counselor a try

 

[BipolarGuy]

Talk to someone here, you can pm me! Also please give talking to a counselor a try

I have given talking to a counselor a try multiple times, but thank you for the suggestion.

 

[watsonsmith]

You definitely shouldn't feel any shame about your feelings. However, seeing how this world lacks forgiveness and empathy, I would suggest you try and find it in your heart to forgive them. You'd leave this world a better place if you did.

I am not trying to invalidate the fact that you have been abused and hurt by them. I have a similar story (as many of us here). But when I go, I will make it clear that I understand why they behaved the way they did (intergenerational trauma, as it most often is the case) and that I forgive them and wish them well. And that I am sorry I couldn't handle it better.

Try not to go out in anger and resentment... as natural of a reaction it might be.

 

[mooncake]

I can totally relate to your sentiment. I Have the urge to finally tell my story too, but I'm not quite clear if thats the right choice. I feel like I'm not supposed to speak and I'm not sure if anyone is gonna care, or why I still care that much. So I'm also still trying to find my answer aswell.

Deciding on how much and what to say when we leave is a really hard thing for some.
All I can recommend to you, is that you think about what exactly it is, you want to accomplish by speaking out. Do you want to rebel and reclaim your power? Do you want to hurt someone back? Do you want accountability from the people who hurt you (even though you won't see it)? Do you want others to know who hurt you? Would you rather have gotten a genuine apology before ctb, to be at peace? Do you want something entirely different?
Maybe try to take a closer look at your own thoughts without immediately judging whether or not you are a good person. Once you figured out, what drives you, you can still decide whether it fits your own moral compass or not, and then go from there.

I think feeling resentment or anger towards people who hurt us, is something that comes with being abused. I also think expressing anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. But we also have to consider whether or not we'll even be understood in our anger. Iin such a delicate moment, the way and the circumstances in which express our anger at injustice, might really just hurt others. By which I'm not saying you have to forgive anything for the sake of other people's comfort.

I the end, it's you who decides what to leave your people with. I hope you can find a way to liberate yourself, that is in line with your own morality also.
Good Luck