du2497
Member
- Mar 17, 2020
- 37
This post will in all likelihood go all over the place, I apologize in advance.
Typically with my depression / SI it comes in waves, I'll feel like crap for a few days and then it will suddenly "reset" to neutral or even somewhat positive. However for the past few weeks I've just felt like crap, which is odd as its about to be spring here, and winter is usually the worst for me. I don't have anything going for me in life, and while I do see a therapist (remotely still at my request) he seems half asleep in our sessions lately. I've been seeing this person remotely and in-person for about a decade now, part of me wants to find another, but its difficult opening up on the serious stuff, and we did butt heads a long time ago. It would be draining going through that process again especially nowadays.
Other than my family (mostly my mother) being destroyed by my ctb, I'm no longer sure of the point of staying around.
There's no "career", there's no girlfriend (last girlfriend and last time i was intimate with a woman was in 2011), there's two people I text periodically (one is a childhood friend).
Even though I lived with said friend for work, that was more than a decade ago, now I'm back living with my parents since I was hospitalized for SI many years ago.
I used to be motivated even slightly by the thought of traveling, but my constant failure just makes me lose all motivation or drive or whatever.
Maybe it's finally time?
Typically with my depression / SI it comes in waves, I'll feel like crap for a few days and then it will suddenly "reset" to neutral or even somewhat positive. However for the past few weeks I've just felt like crap, which is odd as its about to be spring here, and winter is usually the worst for me. I don't have anything going for me in life, and while I do see a therapist (remotely still at my request) he seems half asleep in our sessions lately. I've been seeing this person remotely and in-person for about a decade now, part of me wants to find another, but its difficult opening up on the serious stuff, and we did butt heads a long time ago. It would be draining going through that process again especially nowadays.
Other than my family (mostly my mother) being destroyed by my ctb, I'm no longer sure of the point of staying around.
There's no "career", there's no girlfriend (last girlfriend and last time i was intimate with a woman was in 2011), there's two people I text periodically (one is a childhood friend).
Even though I lived with said friend for work, that was more than a decade ago, now I'm back living with my parents since I was hospitalized for SI many years ago.
I used to be motivated even slightly by the thought of traveling, but my constant failure just makes me lose all motivation or drive or whatever.
Maybe it's finally time?
