is there someone you'd like to apologize to before you go?

[Delia]

title. I'd genuinely like to know your story.
If you can't bring yourself to do it, i'd like to hear about it.
If you did apologize/explain yourself for the wrongs you've done, I'd also like to know about how it went. No need to explain all the personal details you can be as vague as you wish to be. I'm in said situation and I'm hurting a bit, so knowing i'm not alone could provide some help

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I can think of one person. I wrongfully accused a former friend of mine of doing some horrible things to another person that I cared about and it hurt them so bad that they never want to talk to me again. I thought what I said was correct at the time, but by the time I figured out it was wrong, the damage had already been done. If I had a plan to ctb today, I would send that person an apology letter in the mail, regardless of whether they read it or not. I wouldn't mention my plan or anything, just the apology.

 

[mittensxx]

This post couldn't have come at a better time. I literally tried to apologize/explain myself to someone today.
I was in a really bad psychotic/depressed/suicidal state for the last few months of my last job and due to an unfortunate situation I got fired last year.
I ended up bumping into my ex-manager today and decided to be brave and go up to him.
He didn't know about the psychosis/self harm/suicide attempt so I just wanted him to know what actually happened (and what led up to me getting fired). But it couldn't have gone any worse.
I started with "hey, do you mind if I sit down for a minute?" (We were on a bus) and his reply was "I kinda do mind actually"
I decided to sit down anyway and just tell him what had been on my mind for the last 8 months. And he didn't even give me a reply. Just told me to move on with my life.
It was a very toxic work environment with around 15 people but the only one that actually respected and appreciated me was my manager so after not seeing him for almost a year and to get that response was heart breaking.
So if anyone's asking me for advice - don't try it. You probably mean as little to people as you think you do.

 

[justfloating]

I would apologise to my ex. Say sorry that I couldn't make him happy, sorry that all I was to him was a problem, sorry that I put him through a lot of stress by talking to him about me being suicidal, sorry that i'm not the person he wants me to be. I'm sorry that he's become someone that I don't recognise, and im not sure if im to blame for that

im waiting to be able to do this before I actually CTB.

He'll be better off without me and it might take him time to realise it but its true.

 

[Lifeiswildsuperwild]

Yeah- definitely an old EX. I was just a piece of crap. She didn't have one bad bone in her body. Not proud of who I was/am today.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

There's someone I wish I could apologize to. Years ago, I did something thoughtless that snowballed into something that really hurt a friend. I not only didn't take responsibility for my action, I put blame on her for my shittiness that she didn't deserve.

I don't have a way to contact her, but if I did, I would write and own my shit and apologize. I wouldn't seek reconciliation, as it was a toxic relationship, but I do wish I could try to set right what I knocked over in her. I hope she was able to do it for herself. It's possible the snowball situation created a catalyst for her to get angry and stop taking shit off of others, as well as to recognize that what I said to her was also a load of BS. I just have to trust that she had the inner resources to not only survive but thrive, and hope that she connected with those inner resources, and do my best moving forward to learn and grow from my error.

It took me 20 years to even recognize what I had done, but I respect myself for having done the hard work of facing myself, and for being willing to apologize and make amends if I could.

Yeah- definitely an old EX. I was just a piece of crap. She didn't have one bad bone in her body. Not proud of who I was/am today.

Hey, I'll take that apology in lieu of an ex who treated me like crap when I didn't remotely deserve it. Thank you, I feel better. You made amends. :)

 

[lostangel]

All I ever do is apologise. I wish it was the other way round where people apologised to me before I die. But people don't do that.

 

[Delia]

I can think of one person. I wrongfully accused a former friend of mine of doing some horrible things to another person that I cared about and it hurt them so bad that they never want to talk to me again. []

If you had the realization that you were wrong for doing such a thing, I think it's "healthy" to do so. I gladly encourage you to do it, without talking about your plans. I guess I could call that good karma (even if i don't believe in it, it's still a good action that might relieve a weight off of your shoulders :) ).
Were I you I think i'd be too cowardly to wait for a response, I'd just also send the apology without waiting for anything in return. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

This post couldn't have come at a better time. I literally tried to apologize/explain myself to someone today.
I was in a really bad psychotic/depressed/suicidal state for the last few months of my last job and due to an unfortunate situation I got fired last year.
[]

That's a heavy situation and I understand your feelings. I think something i've learned from personnal and professional relationships is that sometimes you've got to differenciate what you can say in one and what you can't say in the other. Even after the moment you've been fired, people, especially in the professional field might not show the empathy you're exepcting them to show. I hope despite everything that you'll find a way to think about something else after doing that, such event would've haunted me for a while tbh.... Best of luck and feel better soon. I made a similar mistake once, can't say I had a good memory of that moment ugh.

I would apologise to my ex. Say sorry that I couldn't make him happy, sorry that all I was to him was a problem, sorry that I put him through a lot of stress by talking to him about me being suicidal, sorry that i'm not the person he wants me to be. []

I understand you, i'm in almost quite a similar situation. I wonder though if I should apologise after all when I believe that they've moved on after all this time. Best of luck for you. I hope you'll change your mind somehow and that you'll live a good life.

Yeah- definitely an old EX. I was just a piece of crap. She didn't have one bad bone in her body. Not proud of who I was/am today.

PIECES OF SCRAP UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly same! I wonder how my ex managed to love me when I was barely put together hahaha. I'd like to apologize to my ex too for the same reason. Glad to see there are people like us out there :') (well not glad but you get me)

There's someone I wish I could apologize to. Years ago, I did something thoughtless that snowballed into something that really hurt a friend. I not only didn't take responsibility for my action, I put blame on her for my shittiness that she didn't deserve.

20 years is a lot of time to change a person. I'm glad for you that you'd like to own up for your mistakes. If it follows you it means that this event meant a lot to you, and that it probably meant a lot to your friend unfortunately.
I hope you find them somehow and that you find a way to apologize. In these situations sometimes it can be haunting. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you have a good day!

All I ever do is apologise. I wish it was the other way round where people apologised to me before I die. But people don't do that.

Indeed that is unfortunate to be in this situation. Did you ever confront those who wronged you?

 

[lostangel]

If you had the realization that you were wrong for doing such a thing, I think it's "healthy" to do so. I gladly encourage you to do it, without talking about your plans. I guess I could call that good karma (even if i don't believe in it, it's still a good action that might relieve a weight off of your shoulders :) ).
Were I you I think i'd be too cowardly to wait for a response, I'd just also send the apology without waiting for anything in return. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!



That's a heavy situation and I understand your feelings. I think something i've learned from personnal and professional relationships is that sometimes you've got to differenciate what you can say in one and what you can't say in the other. Even after the moment you've been fired, people, especially in the professional field might not show the empathy you're exepcting them to show. I hope despite everything that you'll find a way to think about something else after doing that, such event would've haunted me for a while tbh.... Best of luck and feel better soon. I made a similar mistake once, can't say I had a good memory of that moment ugh.




I understand you, i'm in almost quite a similar situation. I wonder though if I should apologise after all when I believe that they've moved on after all this time. Best of luck for you. I hope you'll change your mind somehow and that you'll live a good life.




PIECES OF SCRAP UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly same! I wonder how my ex managed to love me when I was barely put together hahaha. I'd like to apologize to my ex too for the same reason. Glad to see there are people like us out there :') (well not glad but you get me)





20 years is a lot of time to change a person. I'm glad for you that you'd like to own up for your mistakes. If it follows you it means that this event meant a lot to you, and that it probably meant a lot to your friend unfortunately.
I hope you find them somehow and that you find a way to apologize. In these situations sometimes it can be haunting. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you have a good day!




Indeed that is unfortunate to be in this situation. Did you ever confront those who wronged you?

Some yes but not all. The ones who I have confronted just deflected and had no interest in what they did. They simply did not care, unfortunately.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

No
.

That's because I don't think there is anyone to blame for any of this shit.

 

[Delia]

Some yes but not all. The ones who I have confronted just deflected and had no interest in what they did. They simply did not care, unfortunately.

Those who deflect eventually will learn they mistake and trust me, if what they did to you was awful it'll haunt them. Unless you're surrounded by sociopath, then that's something else entirely. Try to live thinking of the tourment that happens in their head :)

No
.

That's because I don't think there is anyone to blame for any of this shit.

Good for you then, Now if you don't blame yourself nor anyone else, thatsone less problem for you ;>

 

[a.n.kirillov]

.

I think humankind will one day look back upon blame as an archaic concept.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

All I ever do is apologise. I wish it was the other way round where people apologised to me before I die. But people don't do that.

If you'd like, I'll apologize for them (just ignore if you don't want, maybe it benefit someone else):

I am so sorry. I didn't recognize you for who you really are and what good treatment you really deserve. I was blind, and my blindness was not your fault. I don't expect you to forgive me or even ask you to; this is finally about you, not about me. Whatever I knocked over in you, I am so sorry for doing that, and if this apology does not set it right, then I hope it has removed any obstacles to your finally being able to set it right. My actions were utterly wrong, you were not. I'm sorry.

 

[Awayout]

I wish I could apologize to the one I hurt most. The person I hurt most is the reason why I'll leave this place. Unfortunately for me, there is no way to apologize or fix what I have caused. It's almost been a year, I thought I'd get over what I did and try to live on, but it's just not possible.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Those who deflect eventually will learn they mistake and trust me, if what they did to you was awful it'll haunt them. Unless you're surrounded by sociopath, then that's something else entirely. Try to live thinking of the tourment that happens in their head :)


Good for you then, Now if you don't blame yourself nor anyone else, thatsone less problem for you ;>

How could I blame my parents for creating me for if they knew what I know and felt what I feel, they wouldn't have done it; does that make sense? People have hurt me but they didn't know any better; it's a Socratic notion I very much agree with.
.

And the same applies to me of course. If I regret something how can I blame myself for it? Since the very fact that I regret it implies my past lack of insight, and lack of insight is a valid excuse for wrong demeanor
.

Of course this doesn't mean there's no need to apologize, but OP probably also feels a lot of guilt about the things he did/ said

 

[CuddleHug]

I have some past mistakes and wrongdoings I'd like to apologise for, because I never had the chance to do it back then. These people are not in my life anymore, so of course it will not be possible to properly apologise, but maybe writing it out could give me some relief.

To the person I thought felt the same about me as I did about them, I'm sorry for crawling into your bed at night, expecting something sexual. I did not realise it at the time, but I used you and have regretted it ever since. I hate myself for this and I'm really, really sorry

To the person I led on and then abruptly cut contact with, I am sorry for hurting you that way. You deserved an explanation, but I was too afraid to give you one. In all honesty, I did not know what to say. I'm sorry for breaking your heart.

To the person I made believe I had killed myself, I'm sorry for blocking you everywhere and not giving you a chance to say goodbye. I'm also sorry for not telling you after my attempt failed and I survived. I just thought it would be more cruel to make you go through all that again the next time I CTB. I'm sorry for ending our friendship in such an ugly way, and for causing you so much pain.

I'd write more, but I'm too tired right now. To everyone else in this thread; many many hugs

 

[ryla2090]

All my loved ones.
My family, my friends, people at my church, the whole lot.
I want to apologize for my decision to CTB soon.

 

[HadEnough1974]

title. I'd genuinely like to know your story.
If you can't bring yourself to do it, i'd like to hear about it.
If you did apologize/explain yourself for the wrongs you've done, I'd also like to know about how it went. No need to explain all the personal details you can be as vague as you wish to be. I'm in said situation and I'm hurting a bit, so knowing i'm not alone could provide some help

Thank you for this thread. Very well thought out.

As for apologies go, I'll pull a Donald Trump and make no apologies because I'm such a perfect person. ;)

 

[BPD Barbie]

Just myself. The younger me who had hopes and dreams and the older me who will never know if I made it or not.

 

[S1mpleme]

Nope.

 

[Grandexit]

My mother and my dogs. But apologies are meaningless. I really wish I could erase myself from memory.

 

[enjoy]

my ex and some of my friends even though i apologized to my ex countless times.

 

[Ghost2211]

My kids.

 

[LMLN]

My kids.

Me too. :( My son most of all.

 

[TheEndof]

I've apologized so many times already. Apologies don't seem to matter much in the end. I guess there's one former friend who I would apologize for disappearing on/ghosting 4 or 5 years ago now. She was kind and always understanding.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

If I could tell my immediate family, I would.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Myself. For not making good decisions.

 

[Majin K.]

My younger brother for not being able to be there for him and my mother for not having been born as a girl.

 

[Egddios]

My mother, who passed in November of 2019. She's gone and when I think of my own impending death, I cry to imagine somehow being able to hold her. I'm not religious, don't believe in heaven or hell, but in moments of reflection lately, I close my eyes and think of my mother. I'm sorry I wasn't there to hold you as you were dying. I'm sorry you died alone.

Also, Oso - my dog. I'm sorry I won't be there when it's your time to go, and hope you live the rest of your years happily, going for walks, chasing rabbits in my father's backyard. Oso, I love you more than life itself.

 

[Pol]

if i had to choose one person, my wife.
i shouldn't have involved her in my life.