Is there really any point in living?

[ScorpiusDragon]

I'm 25 years old. On the surface, I seem like I have it all. I graduated from an Ivy League school, I work at a competitive law firm, all my friends think I have a bright future as a lawyer.
On the inside, I'm torn to pieces because of my upbringing. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive, and I still suffer the effects up to this day. I'm a socially stunted empty shell of a human being and I don't think this will change.
I'm tired, lonely, and isolated. I don't want to continue living an existence where I will continue carrying the effects of my past into my present and future.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I'm 25 years old. On the surface, I seem like I have it all. I graduated from an Ivy League school, I work at a competitive law firm, all my friends think I have a bright future as a lawyer.
On the inside, I'm torn to pieces because of my upbringing. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive, and I still suffer the effects up to this day. I'm a socially stunted empty shell of a human being and I don't think this will change.
I'm tired, lonely, and isolated. I don't want to continue living an existence where I will continue carrying the effects of my past into my present and future.

Im sorry... If parents could just realize how much damage they do..
I understand.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

Im sorry... If parents could just realize how much damage they do..
I understand.

mine don't. They are in denial.
At this point, I don't give a shit anymore. I just want to find the quickest and most painless way to end this existence.

 

[FauxEmotions]

We pick and choose our own points to live for. If an individual has gone about life and realized there's no point. Then there's no point. For me, I've done way more than I'd imagine I would, experienced a lot, now I'm just over this existence and ready for whatever happens next.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

I can't really answer for you but I will say it's upsetting to people like me that you don't try. The reason why I find it upsetting is because I want to end my life because I'm getting old and feel like a failure. I'm obviously not judging, I'm just jealous. I can relate to the mental torment aspect, however. To answer your question as to whether there is a point to living... It would seem that there is no point because you are required to create one. You're free to determine your own truth.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I can't really answer for you but I will say it's upsetting to people like me that you don't try. The reason why I find it upsetting is because I want to end my life because I'm getting old and feel like a failure. I'm obviously not judging, I'm just jealous. I can relate to the mental torment aspect, however. To answer your question as to whether there is a point to living... It would seem that there is no point because you are required to create one. You're free to determine your own truth.

I have tried. I called suicide hotlines god knows how many times. I have been in therapy for the past few years, and it hasn't helped at all. I'm on meds, and I'm still suicidal as ever.
I've had suicidal thoughts due to the abuse since I was 14. I honestly don't know I managed to not kill myself when I was living with them.Even though I no longer live with my parents, the suicidal thoughts have only gotten worse over the years. I feel like I'm living in a prison, and I don't want to live to my old age still suffering the psychological effects of the abuse.

 

[Davy]

I'm a socially stunted empty shell of a human being and I don't think this will change

Well lets say you woke up tomorrow and it was perfect day where your mental problems were somehow magically fixed, what would you do differently? How would you act?
I can't answer your question since I believe that everyone has different reasons for living and you have to find it.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

You know what's helped me? Religion. I won't really recommend a particular one because they all have their quirks. Plus, I'm not biased and I'm not saying this just to convert you to a particular one. But I'll throw one out that honestly helped me once. Look up "Thich Naht Hanh" on YouTube or Audible and spend some time listening to him. It's not easy when you feel nothing but inner turmoil. I'm suggesting this because if the reason you feel like CBT'ing is simply emotional problems and feeling disconnected... Then I know you can learn how to overcome these feelings with mindfulness.

Couple that with the fact you already have a good Job outlook... All I'm saying is I'm jealous. I wish I had that problem.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

You know what's helped me? Religion. I won't really recommend a particular one because they all have their quirks. Plus, I'm not biased and I'm not saying this just to convert you to a particular one. But I'll throw one out that honestly helped me once. Look up "Thich Naht Hanh" on YouTube or Audible and spend some time listening to him. It's not easy when you feel nothing but inner turmoil. I'm suggesting this because if the reason you feel like CBT'ing is simply emotional problems and feeling disconnected... Then I know you can learn how to overcome these feelings with mindfulness.

Couple that with the fact you already have a good Job outlook... All I'm saying is I'm jealous. I wish I had that problem.

It's not just emotional problems. It's affected how I connect with people in friendships, romantic relationships, and professional relationships.
Just to give you some examples of the shit my parents did:

1. When I was 12, I got an 86 on a test. My mom found out the grade when she was driving. She started screaming at me and driving really fast. She told me if she crashed the car, it would be my fault. I was so scared. I thought she was going to crash that day.
2. When I was 8, I got a 91 on a test. My mom pulled me out of the car and threatened to disown and abandon me on the roadside because "there is no use having a daughter like me if my only future is a garbage collector."
3. When I was 7, my mom threatened to commit suicide in front of me because I got a 92 on a test. She told me that I'm a failure and there is no reason to continue living if she has a failure as a daughter.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I had to deal with this shit everyday growing up. I still feel the effects, and I'm 25.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

I do know what you mean. But I also know it's in your mind. I see it differently for a reason. I'm almost 40 and you're still 25. Seriously, look up Thich Naht Hanh and give him a listen.

 

[Deltrus]

I feel so bad for you, those were good grades! And there's nothing wrong with garbage collectors. Your mom should have been more worried about who she was becoming rather than who you were becoming.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I feel so bad for you, those were good grades! And there's nothing wrong with garbage collectors. Your mom should have been more worried about who she was becoming rather than who you were becoming.

The most hilarious part is that they think the only reason I'm depressed and suicidal is because I majored in English in college. They said, "If you majored in premed instead and became a doctor like we told you to, you wouldn't be a failure, and you wouldn't be depressed."

 

[FauxEmotions]

They are sick people. I know these words won't don't much to help but I'm so sorry you were dealt those cards.

 

[TAW122]

I don't think so. Many people have only found meaning in life because of arbitrary, subjective value, even societal values and what society deems to be important are of course, subjective to the society in which one exists in. I believe that life has no inherent meaning and that we 'humans' have assigned meaning to a otherwise, blank canvas that is called 'life'. Also, morality is subjective and based on the society and culture in which one is brought up in. I suppose you could call me a nihilist in terms of philosophical terms.

 

[DeepMind]

The most hilarious part is that they think the only reason I'm depressed and suicidal is because I majored in English in college. They said, "If you majored in premed instead and became a doctor like we told you to, you wouldn't be a failure, and you wouldn't be depressed."

The behavior of parents towards you is inexcusable. However, you're an adult now and you can do whatever you want. If you feel that your parents are bad for your health state, you should increase the distance between them and you.

On the positive side, like you said, you are bodily healthy and you have a good job. This is something many people don't have. You said that you are on meds and that you went to therapy but both don't work. You may talk to your physician about the meds not working. I wouldn't take something that doesn't help but probably causes side effects. Moreover, you may concentrate on your biochemical side. Have you tried different diets? Food intolerances/allergies can have very detrimental effects on your body but this is just a guess of course.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

The behavior of parents towards you is inexcusable. However, you're an adult now and you can do whatever you want. If you feel that your parents are bad for your health state, you should increase the distance between them and you.

On the positive side, like you said, you are bodily healthy and you have a good job. This is something many people don't have. You said that you are on meds and that you went to therapy but both don't work. You may talk to your physician about the meds not working. I wouldn't take something that doesn't help but probably causes side effects. Moreover, you may concentrate on your biochemical side. Have you tried different diets? Food intolerances/allergies can have very detrimental effects on your body but this is just a guess of course.

I cut off contact with them 2 years ago. I still feel the pain everyday, even though I no longer see them. There are little everyday reminders the trigger the memories.
For instance, today, I went to grab lunch at a coffee shop, and I saw a mother and daughter eating together. They looked happy. Simple everyday moment, but it just reminded me of what I'll never have.
Another time, my supervisor told me I don't have to be so nervous when I talk on the phone with clients. I know she meant well, but that comment just triggered memories of my mom screaming at me over the phone.

The behavior of parents towards you is inexcusable. However, you're an adult now and you can do whatever you want. If you feel that your parents are bad for your health state, you should increase the distance between them and you.

On the positive side, like you said, you are bodily healthy and you have a good job. This is something many people don't have. You said that you are on meds and that you went to therapy but both don't work. You may talk to your physician about the meds not working. I wouldn't take something that doesn't help but probably causes side effects. Moreover, you may concentrate on your biochemical side. Have you tried different diets? Food intolerances/allergies can have very detrimental effects on your body but this is just a guess of course.

It's just an endless loop of memories.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

The behavior of parents towards you is inexcusable. However, you're an adult now and you can do whatever you want. If you feel that your parents are bad for your health state, you should increase the distance between them and you.

On the positive side, like you said, you are bodily healthy and you have a good job. This is something many people don't have. You said that you are on meds and that you went to therapy but both don't work. You may talk to your physician about the meds not working. I wouldn't take something that doesn't help but probably causes side effects. Moreover, you may concentrate on your biochemical side. Have you tried different diets? Food intolerances/allergies can have very detrimental effects on your body but this is just a guess of course.

The worst part is knowing that all the money and success in the world isn't going to take away the pain away. I feel like I'm living in an invisible prison. Most people don't think I have a reason to be depressed and suicidal because I'm "successful."

 

[Amber1974]

No.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

Did you get a chance to listen to Thich Nhat Hanh? I only mention this because I would be delighted to be as young as you are with a good education and decent career opportunities. I have external material problems (lack of money). I would describe yours as internal mental problems. I have learned, over the years, how to tame my mind to free it from torturous internal thoughts. That doesn't pay my bills but I guess it's made me happier and a clearer thinker. I learned this "way of thinking" mostly by listening to good spiritual teachers. The Dalai Lama is a good teacher too but you may get lost in Tibetan mysticism if you dive top deeply into his tradition. Other than Thich Nhat Hanh, I also recommend Eckhart Tolle. I suspect, even if you commit suicide, you may still be forced to face your mind one day. When you are ready you will know what I'm saying is true.

 

[Livinginhell]

There is absolutely no point to living.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

Taking this question literally, it could only be answered by providing a concrete subject or object. So if I said, "the point of living is gummy bears" or "the point of living is sex" it would eventually be discovered as absurd. There is no singular point, object, or thing that could ever suffice because "living" in itself is a verb. "Living" is a fluid, changing, process. So it would make sense to counter that we don't live for a "point" or even a "reason", but rather what we're seeking is the quality of how we do the act of living.

 

[ForestLove]

For me, life is pointless. We are all born to suffer. Jus want this existence to end and be a tree.