Butterfly65

Butterfly65

One step closer
Oct 28, 2020
157
I am a 56 year old female from California. I am chronically ill and disabled bedridden in terrible pain daily both emotional and physical. I am CTB within the next few months. I am feeling very alone, sad and scared. I am suffering horribly. This life has not been kind to me at all. Is there anyone else out there like me that can relate?
 
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shelbywelby02

shelbywelby02

Member
Nov 30, 2020
37
I can't relate, however my DM's are always open! you're not alone :)
 
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whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,908
Yes. HI @Butterfly65 , I can relate. 1st off I am so sorry for your situation. I am 65 years young and I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash, car crash NOT my fault, and massive depression and BPD. I take pain meds and they help some through the day. You are a fantastic global family member and I love and care for you greatly. My wish for you is a day with alot less pain both emotional and physical so you can have so time for yourself without any distractions and enjoy the day. I totally agree with @shelby02 that you are not alone. Sending you lots of love and caring thoughts and vibes to you!!! Walter :happy::hug::heart:
 
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alittlehuman_

alittlehuman_

It is always darkest before the dawn
Mar 26, 2021
35
I am a 56 year old female from California. I am chronically ill and disabled bedridden in terrible pain daily both emotional and physical. I am CTB within the next few months. I am feeling very alone, sad and scared. I am suffering horribly. This life has not been kind to me at all. Is there anyone else out there like me that can relate?
elder brain just tried to reach out. I am here and I can help
 
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Desdemona

Desdemona

Member
Oct 14, 2020
88
Same but I'm in my twenties. Lots of pain, I see no future like this.
 
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usernameforhere

Student
Nov 15, 2020
147
Not 50 yet but it's awful.
 
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NormaJeane

NormaJeane

Member
Mar 24, 2021
648
I am a 56 year old female from California. I am chronically ill and disabled bedridden in terrible pain daily both emotional and physical. I am CTB within the next few months. I am feeling very alone, sad and scared. I am suffering horribly. This life has not been kind to me at all. Is there anyone else out there like me that can relate?
Hello, I believe many of us here on Sanctioned suicide are alone, or alone with our thoughts about suicide and our health because it is diffucult or maybee impossible to talk about death and suicide with people in our society. I hope that will change in the future. I understand your situation completely.
 
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wanttodie

wanttodie

Enlightened
Apr 19, 2018
1,801
im 58

sick in pain and disabled​

 
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fred farkle

fred farkle

Specialist
Dec 17, 2020
346
i m very sorry for all our friends in pain! i hope you find some way to make it more bearable.
the guy in the car accident:there are so many dumbshits out there drunk driving,speeding,drag racing et al. they can fuck up some innocent persons life! it sucks.
 
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killedbypsychiatry

killedbypsychiatry

drugging kids is abuse
Jan 27, 2021
797
Im so sorry you're in that position :( I know how hard it is. I'm also chronically ill, bedridden and in constant physical and mental pain, tho I'm 18 but I feel like 80. My 89 year old grandma is literally more functional than I am. I send you all my compassion back <3
 
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Kyrok

Kyrok

Paragon
Nov 6, 2018
970
I'm 55 and have lived with increasingly severe chronic pain since my 30s. I have a number of issues, but the worst pain is due to my scoliosis.

30 minutes at my desk and it becomes a struggle to continue. I often can't make it through dinner without lying down and some nights can't hold my tablet to surf the internet or chat on SS.

I take about 60mg of oxycodone daily (split between ER and IR), but rarely get adequate relief.

Thankfully, I can work mostly from home (100% during covid), but am unsure if I'll make it to retirement. Mostly, I just want to be well enough to write, which I used to do 10-14hrs/day, 7 days a week. I used to write 10-20 pages of publishable material daily, now, I'm luck to do that much in a month. I have a long list of commissioned writing projects, but I don't think I'll ever be able to write another book.

What gets me through the day is my dog, Lily, pain meds, and a very flexible (though demanding) job.
 
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WaterHemlock

WaterHemlock

Student
Dec 18, 2019
112
I'm 52, I'm not in physical pain but I have multiple sclerosis and lots of mental illness and cognitive disability. I find it difficult to engage emotionally or socially. I've been trying many years to change, improve, ease the pain and I have just accepted that it's not really likely. I don't know how long until I give up completely.
I'm so sorry for your pain and trouble. I can't relate to the physical pain, but I do relate to the emotional pain and sense of helplessness. I've found some hope and distraction in watching near death experience videos.
You can message me if you feel like it.
Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts.











I
 
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whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,908
i m very sorry for all our friends in pain! i hope you find some way to make it more bearable.
the guy in the car accident:there are so many dumbshits out there drunk driving,speeding,drag racing et al. they can fuck up some innocent persons life! it sucks.
THANK YOU so much! I was driving south on a hiway going 50mph and a young lad had jsut picked up his girlfriend and he was drving east. This was around 7:20pm, I know this from the cops, and he blew through the stop sign and the only thing I remember is something dark in front of me and waking up on Saturday afternoon in icu with alot of needles and tubes in me. The other driver could care less about me as he told the cops that there was a "mystery driver" behind him that forced him out into my lane of traffic. There is a walking path right there and there were ALOT of people out that night that saw everything. The crash tore part of my spinal column out of the base of my brain and I lost the hearing in my right ear for good. There is no medical technology that can repair any of the damage. So I have 24/7 chronic pain, loss of the right side of my body sometimes and deaf in my right ear. Oh, neither him or his girlfriend got a scratch, go figure. Again, THANK YOU and you are a great family member to me! Walter
 
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fred farkle

fred farkle

Specialist
Dec 17, 2020
346
Im so sorry you're in that position :( I know how hard it is. I'm also chronically ill, bedridden and in constant physical and mental pain, tho I'm 18 but I feel like 80. My 89 year old grandma is literally more functional than I am. I send you all my compassion back <3
thats so sad,you are extremely young! may i ask what happened??
 
Butterfly65

Butterfly65

One step closer
Oct 28, 2020
157
I'm 55 and have lived with increasingly severe chronic pain since my 30s. I have a number of issues, but the worst pain is due to my scoliosis.

30 minutes at my desk and it becomes a struggle to continue. I often can't make it through dinner without lying down and some nights can't hold my tablet to surf the internet or chat on SS.

I take about 60mg of oxycodone daily (split between ER and IR), but rarely get adequate relief.

Thankfully, I can work mostly from home (100% during covid), but am unsure if I'll make it to retirement. Mostly, I just want to be well enough to write, which I used to do 10-14hrs/day, 7 days a week. I used to write 10-20 pages of publishable material daily, now, I'm luck to do that much in a month. I have a long list of commissioned writing projects, but I don't think I'll ever be able to write another book.

What gets me through the day is my dog, Lily, pain meds, and a very flexible (though demanding) job.
@Kyrok I'm sorry for your condition. I too take oxycodone and have a small Maltese dog named Snow. I have no way to continue on in this life in the condition I am in. Do you have any plans to CTB? If not can I ask why are you on a site like this?
THANK YOU so much! I was driving south on a hiway going 50mph and a young lad had jsut picked up his girlfriend and he was drving east. This was around 7:20pm, I know this from the cops, and he blew through the stop sign and the only thing I remember is something dark in front of me and waking up on Saturday afternoon in icu with alot of needles and tubes in me. The other driver could care less about me as he told the cops that there was a "mystery driver" behind him that forced him out into my lane of traffic. There is a walking path right there and there were ALOT of people out that night that saw everything. The crash tore part of my spinal column out of the base of my brain and I lost the hearing in my right ear for good. There is no medical technology that can repair any of the damage. So I have 24/7 chronic pain, loss of the right side of my body sometimes and deaf in my right ear. Oh, neither him or his girlfriend got a scratch, go figure. Again, THANK YOU and you are a great family member to me! Walter
I am so sorry this happened to you. Do you have any plans to CTB? I am alone and have no real family left or any friends in real life. I just have my dog and can no longer cope and my financial situation is changing and I'm just not able to go on.
 
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DEATH IS FREEDOM

DEATH IS FREEDOM

Death is the solution to unsolvable problems.
Sep 13, 2023
608
To me it seems that Sanctioned Suicide is dominated by depressed people in their 20s. But I am not one of these people. I do not suffer from depression and I do not have problems with school - that part of my life is over. I just do not want to die of old age.
 

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