hello soul2realm. just want to know who is out there, I feel so empty right now, lonely. meds don't work, seems the only thing that kind of calms me are bezos but then again, those are the same things that caused most of my problems.
I was planning in CTB via SN, I had no way out, it al started in September, I mean the real deal, I've thought of death and embraced suicide since I was 12 probably.
but since June I had been taking benzes on a regular basis, here in mexico where I live ou can't get them really easy, and that really fucked up my life, lost my family, I was already divorced but now I can't see my kids since im a threat. got in trouble at work.and its been a down spiral ever since
Hey, sorry about your circumstances. Life is messed up like that. May I ask do you ever contemplate, how'd it all started. I mean i do and trust me after years of doing so...its clear and yet confusing.
it started out probably in my 20s I got prescribed with clonazepam, but for me that was like paradise , I got high on that shit, I also started drinking while on benzes, I eventually went to rehab at 28, and you could say I had what someone would call a successful life, a good job, enough money to buy a house, I mean I had everything that would seem would make someone happy, but I always found a way to fuck myself up. I could've been a rockstar and still would have been miserable and benzos came back in the equation during the pandemic. I got divorced but I managed my way out of the dark again, I got engaged with a girl I was in love since junior high and fucked it up, once again when things were going good, clonazepam did the trick. I always get in trouble, in risky situations specially in risky sex. she found out and it all ended. but I managed to get back on track, the last stupid thing I did was I threw a couple of clonzepam pills in my exwifes drink. I know its fucke up, but my intention was not to kill hr as she says, I mean , I took 6 weeks ago 80 pills and just lost 4 days of my life, the thing is she claims I tried to kill here, told hat to my kids, even made up a little extra telling them I killed their cat which is a lie, and my kids hate me and haven't seen them since sept 20th
Sorry to hear that! But how did you managed to go to your exwife from your girlfriend.
my ex wife is also crazy, she isBPD so she basically wanted me to get back together wit her. even though she knew the tons of times I chatedades and found tons of sexvideos with other girls . I mean im a shity person, Im NPD, BPD AND diagnosed with mayor depression. Ithink if I had another chance I would fuck it again. I don't deserve this life. Ive hurt so many people , told so many lies, manipulated people. I don't belong here I just cause pain to anyone who has contact with me.
Let's put the life part on the back burner. Did you have something to eat? A hot meal perhaps.
I actually started eating again since Thursday, I hadn't eaten properly for the past couple of months, I dint ate ata all for some days. I just had a gyro and chocolate cookies :)
Don't stop eating, its one thing i look up to in these dark days. What's your fav dish? There can be more than one and also can you urself prepare any of them.
I feel very alone too today. I have no one. I can't even connect with people emotionally even if I wanted to because I'm so depersonalized. But the pain of loneliness still exists.
I used to love bbq every weekend, love meat. and loved to cook. nowadays my fridge is empty. ive actually eaten a lot since Thursday, I have a sweet tooth and have enjoyed cookie and chocolate.
I get you, most people will just say, everything will be ok, be strong or some shit like that, they don't actually know what's going trough our heads. its good to talk, in not saying I feel great but, chatting with you guys right now made me feel better. I can understand how you feel, feel free to talk to me whenever you feel like it
Last edited:
Hey guys, tell you the truth we are all lonely on this planet, at least we are lucky enough to recognize it.
