Help Is there a way to become permanently, physically mute?

[YeesMcHaw]

I am genuinely so fed up with talking to people. It's not particularly their fault (though sometimes it varies), but it's how impulsively and thoughtlessly I respond. Every day I feel like my brain is gradually melting away along with my communication skills. I genuinely cannot think during conversation and end up saying something so horrifically humiliating that I want to stop being perceived. I can't just "take a vow of silence", nor something as grotesque as cutting out my tongue, but is there some method of achieving legitimate, medical mutism?
Someone said cutting the vocal chords, but I have no idea how I'd even go about that without also slicing an artery.
My social incompetence is literally driving me to suicide and this could be my only solution.

I am very desperate, please help.
(I have spoken to a plethora psychologists, by the way. I even tried to get ahold of a psychiatrist, but they are all booked out. I cannot afford $3,000 for a private one.)

 

[Abyssal]

Uh, no. I doubt anyone here is well versed in the art of forcing mutism. If you can't find it on google, then you are probably out of luck. You mention cutting out your own tongue as a no-go, so that rules out bloodshed, and they don't exactly make no-talking pills.

I don't mean this to be judgmental and I know you are at your complete limit here, but perhaps forcing yourself to go mute isn't a good idea. I recognize that you cannot afford a therapist, yet I feel your outlook on wanting to recover (I mean if you are willing to go mute in order to live that's really saying something) is a level of proof that you have what it takes to get better. If you'd like to explain more in detail what you are going through in the recovery section, I'd be happy to help.

 

[TheShadowKing]

Sorry but what you asking for is kinda impossible with you not willing to hurt yourself. Like the other commenter said maybe going mute isn't the best idea anyway.

 

[puella]

I completely understand wishing to be mute, I often do too. But it isn't healthy or productive. Please keep your body safe.

I have selective mutism. You can have selective mutism for any variety of reasons. It is often perceived as only an absolute inability to talk at certain times, but it's actually on a spectrum. You can have it for any variety of reasons at varying intensities.

I think you would benefit from researching selective mutism. Coping mechanisms like using sign language have greatly helped my social anxiety. I can either briefly communicate what I need to without speaking, or people will just apologize and stop interacting with me if they don't know sign language.

It's different from taking a "vow of silence". Sometimes I'm unable to speak, sometimes I don't want to, and other times I'm fine with speaking. And if people judge you, scr*w them. Selective mutism is real and valid. You don't have to speak to people.

 

[Kit1]

I am genuinely so fed up with talking to people. It's not particularly their fault (though sometimes it varies), but it's how impulsively and thoughtlessly I respond. Every day I feel like my brain is gradually melting away along with my communication skills. I genuinely cannot think during conversation and end up saying something so horrifically humiliating that I want to stop being perceived. I can't just "take a vow of silence", nor something as grotesque as cutting out my tongue, but is there some method of achieving legitimate, medical mutism?
Someone said cutting the vocal chords, but I have no idea how I'd even go about that without also slicing an artery.
My social incompetence is literally driving me to suicide and this could be my only solution.

I am very desperate, please help.
(I have spoken to a plethora psychologists, by the way. I even tried to get ahold of a psychiatrist, but they are all booked out. I cannot afford $3,000 for a private one.)

I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain and lookingvfor a constructive way to survive and look after yourself (in a sense) by going mute. That is an extreme decision and I think perhaps there might be other viable options to explore.

I agree with Abyssal that perhaps posting on the Recovery section might result in perhaps more options and suggestions. Best wishes.

 

[YeesMcHaw]

Uh, no. I doubt anyone here is well versed in the art of forcing mutism. If you can't find it on google, then you are probably out of luck. You mention cutting out your own tongue as a no-go, so that rules out bloodshed, and they don't exactly make no-talking pills.

I don't mean this to be judgmental and I know you are at your complete limit here, but perhaps forcing yourself to go mute isn't a good idea. I recognize that you cannot afford a therapist, yet I feel your outlook on wanting to recover (I mean if you are willing to go mute in order to live that's really saying something) is a level of proof that you have what it takes to get better. If you'd like to explain more in detail what you are going through in the recovery section, I'd be happy to help.

I don't completely rule it out, but cutting out my tongue just seems unbelievably painful, not to mention I'd still be able to talk to an extent. I need a legitimate reason to isolate from people. I have somewhat severe autism, but I cannot suddenly stop talking one day because it isn't in line with my previous behaviours.
There are other issues, learning disorders and the likes, that have completely eliminated my aspirations in life, but being able to just cut out this one would be a great improvement.
It seems silly, but this has been a desire of mine for the longest time.

I completely understand wishing to be mute, I often do too. But it isn't healthy or productive. Please keep your body safe.

I have selective mutism. You can have selective mutism for any variety of reasons. It is often perceived as only an absolute inability to talk at certain times, but it's actually on a spectrum. You can have it for any variety of reasons at varying intensities.

I think you would benefit from researching selective mutism. Coping mechanisms like using sign language have greatly helped my social anxiety. I can either briefly communicate what I need to without speaking, or people will just apologize and stop interacting with me if they don't know sign language.

It's different from taking a "vow of silence". Sometimes I'm unable to speak, sometimes I don't want to, and other times I'm fine with speaking. And if people judge you, scr*w them. Selective mutism is real and valid. You don't have to speak to people.

I have looked into it, but like I have said to the other person, it wouldn't be in line with the way I've previously presented myself. I would just get too many questions and complaints from relatives/peers.
I've tried it before and I took up Auslan for a while, but having some coordination issues made it hard to get the signs right. I could always try again, but with such a small Auslan community where I live, it would be useless.

 

[puella]

it wouldn't be in line with the way I've previously presented myself. I would just get too many questions and complaints from relatives/peers.

This isn't fair to yourself.

I didn't know what selective mutism was until a couple years ago. But before that, I had the same problems with speaking I do now. The only difference was I had no healthy ways of managing it. I would just try to force myself to talk to others, like they thought was normal, until I would have emotional breakdowns.

You deserve to do what you need to, regardless of other people's opinion. The inconvenience they face by you not being able to speak to them at a moment is a thousand times less important than the pain forcing yourself to speak is obviously causing.

You'll always have to deal with neurotypicals asking dumb questions and being selfish. But you should still choose to be yourself, and try to spend time with people who care about you.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I am genuinely so fed up with talking to people. It's not particularly their fault (though sometimes it varies), but it's how impulsively and thoughtlessly I respond. Every day I feel like my brain is gradually melting away along with my communication skills. I genuinely cannot think during conversation and end up saying something so horrifically humiliating that I want to stop being perceived. I can't just "take a vow of silence", nor something as grotesque as cutting out my tongue, but is there some method of achieving legitimate, medical mutism?
My social incompetence is literally driving me to suicide and this could be my only solution.
I am very desperate, please help.

Instead of permanently rendering yourself mute, you could reversibly mute yourself in another fashion, while giving yourself time to feel better or get better at responding. Have you considered self-isolating?

I don't think it's impossible for people to improve their communication, it can just take time. Sometimes you need a break. If you think you're hurting yourself and others with communication, you could choose isolation. Most people would consider irreversibly, physically rendering yourself mute to be a drastic action and isolation seems much simpler to achieve the same effect. There are no qualified medical personnel that would acquiesce to a request to render someone permanently mute, it's a medieval punishment.

The previous poster's message caught my eye and I skimmed the thread and I suppose someone already suggested isolation and I believe puella is correct. I think you're going to face questions & complaints from people that don't understand, either way. It doesn't mean that those people are correct or that they shouldn't bother you. As for a reason for isolating, I think needing a break, from people or in general, is a good enough reason. If people can't understand that then it may simply be that most humans aren't very understanding whether they care or not about someone.

Re: communication, check whether you can develop an instinct for when you might say something you shouldn't. That might be the easy part, the hard part would be following that instinct in every circumstance. Communication isn't easy for everyone and I wish that was understood too. I hope that you are fair to yourself, since sometimes we think we're worse than we are.

Best of wishes.

 

[tunnelV]

This can only happen with brain trauma.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I'm also sick of the useless chit-chat.

I have ED, and when people speak loudly or quickly, my heart rhythm begins to match the pitch and speed of their voices. My heart starts racing, and it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack or faint.

-Wearing sunglasses and AirPods will make people not approach you. (This is what I do.)

-Pretend you don't understand the language.

-Learn sign language.

-Pretend you are deaf. If someone speaks to you, look them in the eyes, point to your ears, and shake your head no, signifying you can't hear.

-People would believe me if I "practiced silence," as in starting a vow of silence, given my extreme New Age leanings. Tell relatives and friends you'll not speak for 30 days. This is a respectable spiritual practice, so it's not weird. lol

 

[Covalite]

I was semi mute for about 6 months. Basically I only talked with one person, my social worker. I had gone through some major trauma right before it (mental not physical). Basically i was taken away from my home as a wellness check and I was forced into a mental hospital at the age of 16 (I'm 20 now). I hated every one there, the staff the patients, and my family who tried calling me but i would always just hang up on (staff would grab me to answer the phone). I did talk to my self at night cause i felt the need to talk to someone but i didn't want anyone else hearing me due to my immense malice. I was very manic at the time so i was not exactly all there. At one point i got jumped by like 6 other patients all cause they wanted to hear me make a noise, I refused to give them more then a few grunts. It took staff over 10 minutes to react and get all of them off me so I was given some medical care. A week or two after I stopped my silence when i got the news i was being transferred. Again i wasn't mute completely but i probably said less than 100 words to another human (my social worker and only cause i wanted me to be placed somewhere else preferably with a foster family). So if you are unstable enough and have the dedication you can be mute but its very hard to do so.

 

[Ah.ow]

This can only happen with brain trauma.

can you elaborate?

I'm also sick of the useless chit-chat.

I have ED, and when people speak loudly or quickly, my heart rhythm begins to match the pitch and speed of their voices. My heart starts racing, and it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack or faint.

-Wearing sunglasses and AirPods will make people not approach you. (This is what I do.)

-Pretend you don't understand the language.

-Learn sign language.

-Pretend you are deaf. If someone speaks to you, look them in the eyes, point to your ears, and shake your head no, signifying you can't hear.

-People would believe me if I "practiced silence," as in starting a vow of silence, given my extreme New Age leanings. Tell relatives and friends you'll not speak for 30 days. This is a respectable spiritual practice, so it's not weird. lol

do you mean emotional dysregulation? and did your suggestions lead to harm, or impossibilities for some people? for example I panic and have reflexes and your tips weren't my reflexes, and as long as psych wards or drugging institutions or isolation rooms exist, I feel the panic and do the reflexes?

 

[Superdeterminist]

Damaging your body is extremely ill-advised. Just decide not to respond if you don't want to.

 

[Ah.ow]

I was semi mute for about 6 months. Basically I only talked with one person, my social worker. I had gone through some major trauma right before it (mental not physical). Basically i was taken away from my home as a wellness check and I was forced into a mental hospital at the age of 16 (I'm 20 now). I hated every one there, the staff the patients, and my family who tried calling me but i would always just hang up on (staff would grab me to answer the phone). I did talk to my self at night cause i felt the need to talk to someone but i didn't want anyone else hearing me due to my immense malice. I was very manic at the time so i was not exactly all there. At one point i got jumped by like 6 other patients all cause they wanted to hear me make a noise, I refused to give them more then a few grunts. It took staff over 10 minutes to react and get all of them off me so I was given some medical care. A week or two after I stopped my silence when i got the news i was being transferred. Again i wasn't mute completely but i probably said less than 100 words to another human (my social worker and only cause i wanted me to be placed somewhere else preferably with a foster family). So if you are unstable enough and have the dedication you can be mute but its very hard to do so.

can I ask, did you stay semi mute since then?

 

[Covalite]

can I ask, did you stay semi mute since then?

I didn't, I started talking regularly again after I got transferred. It took a few weeks though for me to talk more than a brief sentence or phrase for a while though. It didn't help at the place I was transferred to that the staff were highly abusive so i was so scared of them that I made it vocal that I would hurt them really bad if they tried SAing me like the other "patients".

 

[thankyouforthis]

I am genuinely so fed up with talking to people. It's not particularly their fault (though sometimes it varies), but it's how impulsively and thoughtlessly I respond. Every day I feel like my brain is gradually melting away along with my communication skills. I genuinely cannot think during conversation and end up saying something so horrifically humiliating that I want to stop being perceived. I can't just "take a vow of silence", nor something as grotesque as cutting out my tongue, but is there some method of achieving legitimate, medical mutism?
Someone said cutting the vocal chords, but I have no idea how I'd even go about that without also slicing an artery.
My social incompetence is literally driving me to suicide and this could be my only solution.

I am very desperate, please help.
(I have spoken to a plethora psychologists, by the way. I even tried to get ahold of a psychiatrist, but they are all booked out. I cannot afford $3,000 for a private one.)

Why not stop talking?I've been thinking about this myself. The primary complication I run into is with respect to my employment; my job requires me to talk a fair bit. But I have seriously considered becoming selectively mute and just choosing not to speak anymore. I find that communicating often doesn't work for me and works best when it is *written*-- when I can edit myself, take my time to think carefully about how to phrase things, etc. When caught up in a real-time, verbal conversation, I often say the wrong thing or just don't know what to say...Anyway, I'm just curious about why you seem so certain that you have to cut your vocal chords or something rather than simply deciding, "I don't wanna talk anymore" and letting that be that. At least that way seems less painful and if you ever change your mind, you can go back to talking whenever you want!

This isn't fair to yourself.

I didn't know what selective mutism was until a couple years ago. But before that, I had the same problems with speaking I do now. The only difference was I had no healthy ways of managing it. I would just try to force myself to talk to others, like they thought was normal, until I would have emotional breakdowns.

You deserve to do what you need to, regardless of other people's opinion. The inconvenience they face by you not being able to speak to them at a moment is a thousand times less important than the pain forcing yourself to speak is obviously causing.

You'll always have to deal with neurotypicals asking dumb questions and being selfish. But you should still choose to be yourself, and try to spend time with people who care about you.

I feel this 100%. I just wonder whether or not I'd still be able to earn enough to support myself if I were to stop speaking entirely. But at least maybe I/we can limit how much we talk and yes, fuck others very much who decide it's inconvenient or annoying to them. Other people talking annoys me, too. I still respect their right to do it.