I was wondering if anyone here knows someone who killed themselves and how their family reacted. Is it worse than other deaths?
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
I don't know anyone who killed themselves, but I'm assuming that the devastation would be bad because they would constantly think what could they have done to "save" the person and would constantly miss the person
NeCkDeEp
Experienced
- Nov 30, 2019
- 285
I don't know anyone who ctb but the only reason I could think of is not knowing why someone choose to ctb and the hopelessness of questioning yourself whether you could have done more or not to help the person to find his/her way through life.
I personally think that the most devasting 'death' for families is when someone is missing for years without being ever found, nobody really knows what exact happened to that person and the family will probably keep dreaming about the missing person showing up one day.
I personally think that the most devasting 'death' for families is when someone is missing for years without being ever found, nobody really knows what exact happened to that person and the family will probably keep dreaming about the missing person showing up one day.
I have a friend that attempted suicide but that was before I met him. He was 18 when he attempted I think.
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Yes. My husband ctb. Now I'm wanting to follow. So for me it was very devastating.
This was/is my biggest deterrent but sometimes the brain flares up and these messages get quieter. From the primary sources themselves..
_milo
Member
- Mar 16, 2019
- 65
I lost both parents and a significant other. My dad's death uprooted my life on a practical level as he took care of our family. My mom was utterly devastated and made constant attempts for 3 years until she was able to successfully follow my dad. With my mom's I understood and so I didn't let it get to me much. My s/o who ctb really messed with me, I didn't eat for weeks.
Time
Looking to leave.
- Nov 10, 2019
- 264
I've known one person that ctb but I wasn't close to them so I don't know about the aftermath. But, as far as devastation: I think it depends on the person's situation.
From what I've gathered (here & elsewhere), it can be (although still painful) a relief knowing that someone you love is no longer suffering (wishful thinking that this is the reality after I ctb). On the other hand, I think that it can destroy the lives of those around us (especially if you're loved & appreciated & are an important part of other people lives). Unfortunately, I'm thinking that the latter will be the reality after I ctb.
I also can't rule out the possibility that there could be a potential "Domino effect"...
It's something that I've wrestled with/anguished over since I've committed to the decision...
But... I still think that it's the best decision for everyone...
From what I've gathered (here & elsewhere), it can be (although still painful) a relief knowing that someone you love is no longer suffering (wishful thinking that this is the reality after I ctb). On the other hand, I think that it can destroy the lives of those around us (especially if you're loved & appreciated & are an important part of other people lives). Unfortunately, I'm thinking that the latter will be the reality after I ctb.
I also can't rule out the possibility that there could be a potential "Domino effect"...
It's something that I've wrestled with/anguished over since I've committed to the decision...
But... I still think that it's the best decision for everyone...
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
My mum died by legal assisted suicide (MAID) in 2017. It was peaceful, and she was surrounded by loved ones. This is why I am an advocate for MAID for all adults. Mental illness is as terminal as physical illness. Indubitably.
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
I guess this is why people leave detailed notes explaining to people why & really emphasising there was absolutely nothing they could have done & how much they loved everyone & treasured their time together, but they couldn't battle their own personal demons etc. I guess that would offer atleast some small comfort.
blivogade
Member
- Nov 7, 2019
- 88
My friend killed herself, she didn't have family left, only her dad.. it hit him hard and he stopped speaking to anyone, he lost everyone and then his only child.
Although not what the question asked it affected everyone around her massively too, including myself.
Although not what the question asked it affected everyone around her massively too, including myself.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
He CTB 11 days ago. The pain is beyond anything I have experienced. However, his pain was greater than this to leave. I will deal with the pain so he can be at peace.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/can-anyone-hear-frank-sinatra.27430/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/
Farmmaa
Specialist
- Dec 4, 2019
- 343
The question is Jean, would it be any less of a loss - any less painful and heartbreaking if it had been an accidental death ?
I can't answer that question because I have only lost loved ones to a terrible accident ( besides the losses to old age, which are difficult, but expected ) ... and I can't imagine that the circumstances could possibly have made this past two years any less heart wrenching and painful.
It has destroyed our family. It turned my positive, crazy, outgoing, sociable sister in law into a suicidal mess who spends her days in bed crying. She is only still here because she still has one daughter alive who needs her.
Suicide or accident... any unexpected, sudden death is extremely difficult to process.
I am worried about my kids and how they will be affected. My oldest will be angry and bitter... but she already feels that way. My middle daughter will feel like she should have done more, helped more or known how bad I really was doing because she is an ER nurse. My son and my youngest will be devastated.
I don't want to do this to them, I really don't... but I just can't continue to live in hell to save them from hurt any more.
I also want to go before my grandkids are old enough to remember me and feel the loss.
I personally know three people who ctb once their kids were older teens/young adults and their kids all turned out OK in the end... so it gives me some hope that mine will be alright too
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
For me, accidental would have been worse.
Knowing it would happen, I prepared. Got to say goodbye, and surround myself with people here for support.
Being as fragile as I am, if it was an accident, it would have pushed me over the edge and I wouldn't be here right now.
When he decided on the date, he ghosted me for a week. Thinking, I could see what it was like without him. I know what he was doing and why, but it almost pushed me over the edge.
Honestly, it depends on the person.
My uncle came back from Vietnam and couldn't adjust. He shot himself in the head. My mother had to clean up after his body was removed from his apartment. It seriously fucked her up. I am not joking when I say she blamed me for his suicide even though I wouldn't be born for another nine years.
Moral of the story: Don't leave a bloody mess for your love ones to clean up. If you use a gun there is always clean up.
Moral of the story: Don't leave a bloody mess for your love ones to clean up. If you use a gun there is always clean up.
LetThereBeLight
I’d sacrifice myself if I could save everyone else
- Jun 29, 2019
- 5
My Dad killed himself in 1999... still to date the single most devastating event in my life... and I've experienced a lot of deaths in my family/friend base...
Accidental death is hard but more "acceptable to our minds" something with a reason or explainarioj persay .. I had a friend who was shot and killed by his own dad, it sucked but there was some explanation that could be understood and someone took his life so there was nothing anyone could do, family die of heart attacks suddenly— still there was a reason for heart failure ... my brother in law and my nephew (9years old) killed in car accident— an explanation—head on collision... all these deaths combined couldn't even begin to touch the pain I felt when my dad committed suicide... depression is something our minds can't accept... survivors minds can never get past the "why? What could I have done? I was never enough. I will never be enough. And the guilt for the rest of our days for not being able to save them... even if we couldn't save them.. the guilt typically can lead into them committing suicide themselves as their own punishment for not being able to save someone else.. survivors guilt... domino effect...
I would much rather my dad have made his look like an accident.. something I could explain... something I could blame it on... besides myself... so that guilt alone— is what brought me to SS... 20 years later...
Accidental death is hard but more "acceptable to our minds" something with a reason or explainarioj persay .. I had a friend who was shot and killed by his own dad, it sucked but there was some explanation that could be understood and someone took his life so there was nothing anyone could do, family die of heart attacks suddenly— still there was a reason for heart failure ... my brother in law and my nephew (9years old) killed in car accident— an explanation—head on collision... all these deaths combined couldn't even begin to touch the pain I felt when my dad committed suicide... depression is something our minds can't accept... survivors minds can never get past the "why? What could I have done? I was never enough. I will never be enough. And the guilt for the rest of our days for not being able to save them... even if we couldn't save them.. the guilt typically can lead into them committing suicide themselves as their own punishment for not being able to save someone else.. survivors guilt... domino effect...
I would much rather my dad have made his look like an accident.. something I could explain... something I could blame it on... besides myself... so that guilt alone— is what brought me to SS... 20 years later...
mathieu
Enlightened
- Jun 5, 2019
- 1,090
My best friend killed herself. It has been devastating for me but I don't know how it affected her family. I feel kind of haunted by it and the world feels empty without her. I often think about what I could have done differently and maybe been able to help her.
Farmmaa
Specialist
- Dec 4, 2019
- 343
I'm sorry for your pain.
Accidental deaths don't always make any more sense to those left behind than death by suicide.
Nor do they leave any less guilt, pain and devastation in their wake.
We have no real explanation or reason for the accident that took my brother and 15 year old niece. Sure, accidents happen... but the hows and the whys are still as real as they were for you with your dad's death.
They were 500 yards from their own back yard. Driving the atv like they did several times a week, down a path they knew like the back of their hands. They were somehow swept into a sudden torrent of water while crossing what is basically a small creek... one that you can usually walk across. WHY ?? How ???
A heavy snowfall in the mountains they day before, but hours away from them. A sudden flash flood? A backlog of branches that let go around the corner ? We will never have answers. Ever.
Survivors guilt.. yep, we have that too.
My sister in law blames herself every minute of every day because she was supposed to be on that atv with my brother that day.
I feel guilt every day because I am still here and he's not. It should have been me.
He was, without doubt, the most incredible human that I've ever known. Everyone who met him, loved him. He had a wife and two teenaged daughters who needed him. He was successful, he was brilliant.
And here I am.. alive. Useless, depressed, so far in debt that I'll never get out, probably about two weeks away from losing my house because I won't have rent money.
Survivors guilt is not reserved for those who lose a loved one to suicide.
For me it was. When the closest person to me shot himself my world crumbled. I have immense guilt and i miss him terribly. But im sure id feel the same had he died any other way.
Ive also met people that just dont deal with their loss. So depends on the person, their mindset, their relationship..
Ive also met people that just dont deal with their loss. So depends on the person, their mindset, their relationship..
LetThereBeLight
I’d sacrifice myself if I could save everyone else
- Jun 29, 2019
- 5
I am also sorry for your loss and your pain. I can't imagine the devastation of such and accident... however I was not reserving the survivors guilt only for the suicidal losses...
my sister had survivors guilt from her husband and sons wreck— every time someone close to me dies I feel both relief and guilt that I'm still ok this side of the soil..
I'm was merely speaking for myself with my response... how it affected me.. sorry I must have offended you. And that— was never my intent.
Hope things get better for you.
Passersby
Trapped in space and time
- Aug 29, 2019
- 1,640
Suicide is a terrible thing. It is a last resort for me. Sometimes there aren't any other options though. If there is something that you just know for sure that you cannot live with for the rest of your life and you cannot improve or fix the situation then it is an option for sure. Some people can't see this though and that is probably because they are not in a hopeless situation that steals life from them. My dad for example thinks that it's always better to be alive in ANY situation or circumstance than it is to be dead. I strongly disagree with this. He is also living his life and isn't in a hopeless situation or being torchured so that make him think like that.
Yes I have known 2 people personally that ctb. Witness some goodby threads on here live as they were doing it too but I didn't personally know them though. One guy I knew jumped off a bridge. The other one hung himself in his dads house. I'm sure the families were devastated I mean it's suicide right? Of course it's going to suck and they will miss the person forever. I do agree with whoever said that just going missing forever is worse though. There are just some majors problems in life that aren't fixable and people are going to choose to ctb. It's sucks and is sad but it happens and has been happening throughout history. Now it's happening more than ever. If we have a right to live then we should also have a right to die.
Yes I have known 2 people personally that ctb. Witness some goodby threads on here live as they were doing it too but I didn't personally know them though. One guy I knew jumped off a bridge. The other one hung himself in his dads house. I'm sure the families were devastated I mean it's suicide right? Of course it's going to suck and they will miss the person forever. I do agree with whoever said that just going missing forever is worse though. There are just some majors problems in life that aren't fixable and people are going to choose to ctb. It's sucks and is sad but it happens and has been happening throughout history. Now it's happening more than ever. If we have a right to live then we should also have a right to die.
Farmmaa
Specialist
- Dec 4, 2019
- 343
Sorry... You didn't offend me.
It's just emotional for me... I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not going to destroy my kid's lives
Crimsonskye
Member
- Aug 28, 2018
- 71
My mom hanged herself in 2017 and it still haunts me
my brother and yeah it's bad. My parents and I took it out on each other. My brother I know for a fact he blamed himself. 2 of his friends "went off the rails" for a while (drinking too much etc). Then recovered. His girlfriend told me she was having panic attacks at the grocery store 4 years later. Intensifies family conflict (duh). Influences the way people raise their children afterwards.
For me it took the taboo away from suicide. I've always known it's an option.
For me it took the taboo away from suicide. I've always known it's an option.
Last edited:
Hi I'm new here. I actually found my best friend hanging almost a whole 8months ago. It's one of the biggest reasons I feel obsessed with suicide now. It haunts me to my core but I'm so infatuated with it at the same time. I can't get his image out of my head and it hurts to know he was hurting so bad that he chose that route, I guess I should add that he also sent me his location right before he did so I found him about 10 min later. And was alone until authorities arrived.
Farmmaa
Specialist
- Dec 4, 2019
- 343
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.
Of course that image haunts you.
I watched my mother die a very slow and agonizing death and I will never forget that either.
This is exactly why I am so against ctb where your friends/family/loved ones will be the ones to find your body.
It's completely unfair to put them through that.
I will be going out of my way, quite literally, to ensure that no one that knows me finds me.
