Is recovery possible?

[lucretiareverie]

I think that discussions of mental health have been abundantly watered down by simply telling someone they will get better. For me, suicidal thoughts did not happen due to a sudden event. I have been thinking this way since elementary school. I have attempted medication and therapy but it hasn't worked. It's almost comedic, my first therapist switched me because he wasn't able to help me, then my new therapist retired after the first session. I recently had a fallout with my friend where she basically said we were in different places and for me to work on myself. In truth, I don't blame her, but I don't think working on myself is that simple. I have tried for all of my life to work towards being genuinely happy and it hasn't happened.

I'm sorry to dump this– my main question is if any of you have recovered, if so, to what length and how?

 

[derpyderpins]

Yes.

I am working on a big recovery journal that has my full life story (probably want to cut down on that part) and things I've learned dealing with suicidal thoughts and mental health issues for the past 20 years.

A lot of it is taken from threads I've posted here.

My recovery is not full in any way, but I've gotten to a point where my highs make it worth it and my lows are not as terrible. I can't say I am "happy," but I want my life to continue, even if a voice in the back of my head points out the cons outweigh the pros most of the time. I have love, and a life that is mine, that I made. I'm no longer bound by other's whims. Yes, I'm small in the grand scheme of things, and reliant on work that feels like grueling torment in my brain, but I am a person all my own and living for someone wonderful.

Basic logical outline for why I can tell you recovery is possible even if I haven't fully recovered.

1. I learned to admit that if you're wanting to kill yourself something is wrong. It is not the natural human way to be. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, inherently, but something about situation, upbringing, outlook, health, circumstances, influences, etc. and in combination has caused you to get to this point. You probably won't be able to answer exactly what it is, but it is something.
2. Things can get better. This can be as small as going from a -99/100 mood to a -98/100 mood. Just evidence that some type of improvement is possible. None of the typical exercise, outdoors, diet, therapy, cognitive practices, 'go do charity' type of advice did nearly enough for me, but in sum after years of trying I realized I wasn't quite as bad.
3. There will be setbacks on the path to recovery, and you can get through them. Again, it only takes one. If you work up from a -99 to -92, then slip back to -105, and just one time in the future claw back to -92, you've proven you can overcome a setback.

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[platypus77]

The main issue with mental health is that when we're depressed the chemicals in our brain change, and our perception of the world/problems changes with it leading to that feeling that makes us feel like the world is end.

Of course, everyone experience pain differently.
What can affect me, maybe is a minor thing to you and you'll even bother with it.
Depends on the situation and how much you still have in you to fight it.
I recovered multiple times for from multiple challenges I had throughout my life.
No sure how much you know about mental health care, but if I'm to recommend a therapy to anyone willing to try is DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy).
I must say I only lasted this long (I'm in my late 30s) is because what I learned there, It's not like those suicidal preventionist bullshit you'd usually see everywhere.
They will give you tools and teach you how and when to use them, and basically see what happens as the author of the program herself says.
It's one of the few treatments that are actually backed by real science.
Masha herself was suicidal.
I'm impressed how little people knows about this kind of therapy, I have he biography e-book if you'd like.

 

[lucretiareverie]

Yes.

I am working on a big recovery journal that has my full life story (probably want to cut down on that part) and things I've learned dealing with suicidal thoughts and mental health issues for the past 20 years.

A lot of it is taken from threads I've posted here.

My recovery is not full in any way, but I've gotten to a point where my highs make it worth it and my lows are not as terrible. I can't say I am "happy," but I want my life to continue, even if a voice in the back of my head points out the cons outweigh the pros most of the time. I have love, and a life that is mine, that I made. I'm no longer bound by other's whims. Yes, I'm small in the grand scheme of things, and reliant on work that feels like grueling torment in my brain, but I am a person all my own and living for someone wonderful.

Basic logical outline for why I can tell you recovery is possible even if I haven't fully recovered.

1. I learned to admit that if you're wanting to kill yourself something is wrong. It is not the natural human way to be. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, inherently, but something about situation, upbringing, outlook, health, circumstances, influences, etc. and in combination has caused you to get to this point. You probably won't be able to answer exactly what it is, but it is something.
2. Things can get better. This can be as small as going from a -99/100 mood to a -98/100 mood. Just evidence that some type of improvement is possible. None of the typical exercise, outdoors, diet, therapy, cognitive practices, 'go do charity' type of advice did nearly enough for me, but in sum after years of trying I realized I wasn't quite as bad.
3. There will be setbacks on the path to recovery, and you can get through them. Again, it only takes one. If you work up from a -99 to -92, then slip back to -105, and just one time in the future claw back to -92, you've proven you can overcome a setback.

Hope that helps a bit.

Thank you for this. It gave me a lot to think about.

The main issue with mental health is that when we're depressed the chemicals in our brain change, and our perception of the world/problems changes with it leading to that feeling that makes us feel like the world is end.

Of course, everyone experience pain differently.
What can affect me, maybe is a minor thing to you and you'll even bother with it.
Depends on the situation and how much you still have in you to fight it.
I recovered multiple times for from multiple challenges I had throughout my life.
No sure how much you know about mental health care, but if I'm to recommend a therapy to anyone willing to try is DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy).
I must say I only lasted this long (I'm in my late 30s) is because what I learned there, It's not like those suicidal preventionist bullshit you'd usually see everywhere.
They will give you tools and teach you how and when to use them, and basically see what happens as the author of the program herself says.
It's one of the few treatments that are actually backed by real science.
Masha herself was suicidal.
I'm impressed how little people knows about this kind of therapy, I have he biography e-book if you'd like.

This looks really interesting to me. Usually conversations on mental health and suicide psychiatric hospitals are constantly brought up or even forced, which is why I avoided speaking of it at all when I went to therapy. Therapy is not something I'm against, I just want something that works, so I'm willing to look more into this. Thank you.

 

[nogods4me]

Most people in a recovery section are going to want to believe it is possible.

 

[Well_Its_Time]

YES! It is very possible. I just don't want it for me

 

[Mukuro Ikusaba]

No.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Well, "recovery" is possible but it is more of a question how much effort we want to put into it and whether the "problem" that causes suicidal thoughts can be fixed or not.

First of all you would have to know why you became suicidal in elementary school - that's a very early stage of life and nobody should think about death in that age - specifically not their own death!

The major question is - why did you become suicidal in that young age? That is the key and the base for a possible recovery.

I my case, I never wanted to die, I never thought about death - I became suicidal bc of a big failure in life and after I went through about 50% of an avg life span. I know the reason why I am suicidal but It can't be fixed ==> there's no satisfying recovery possible.

If you find out the reason why you became suicidal and what triggers you and all the factors that make you feel bad and if you have the energy, the support and the opportunities to fix that then a wholesome recovery is possible - the younger you are the better it is!

 

[alltoomuch2]

The main issue with mental health is that when we're depressed the chemicals in our brain change, and our perception of the world/problems changes with it leading to that feeling that makes us feel like the world is end.

Of course, everyone experience pain differently.
What can affect me, maybe is a minor thing to you and you'll even bother with it.
Depends on the situation and how much you still have in you to fight it.
I recovered multiple times for from multiple challenges I had throughout my life.
No sure how much you know about mental health care, but if I'm to recommend a therapy to anyone willing to try is DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy).
I must say I only lasted this long (I'm in my late 30s) is because what I learned there, It's not like those suicidal preventionist bullshit you'd usually see everywhere.
They will give you tools and teach you how and when to use them, and basically see what happens as the author of the program herself says.
It's one of the few treatments that are actually backed by real science.
Masha herself was suicidal.
I'm impressed how little people knows about this kind of therapy, I have he biography e-book if you'd like.

I have ASD, GAD, BPD, CPTSD and as a result a fragmented personality. I did DBT distress tolerance skills including TIPP, distraction, self soothe, IMPROVE, opposite action, radical acceptance, wise mind as an Emotional First Aid course before starting Janina Fisher, all with a psychiatric nurse. Can I ask how long roughly did it take practising the distress tolerance before they become effective for you. Last night I battled overwhelm for two hours. Each of the skills (not RA, or WM cos I still find them impossible to use unless I'm already calmer) helped briefly but the overwhelm came back until after two hours I gave in and called a helpline. I really try hard to improve but I'm just getting worse. I think about ctb all day, in the late afternoon (or any time there's a challenge) overwhelm strikes and nothing works until I'm just mentally exhausted enough to go to sleep. I'm having to call a helpline almost every night now. It happens like that every day and ive started all sorts of unhealthy coping techniques including risky pill taking, because I can't cope. And it's getting worse. So I'm wondering if I'm never going to rely on the DBT distress tolerance or if it takes much longer. I did the EFA for about 10 sessions (1every 2 weeks) until December. I practice every day. I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time. Sorry for waffling on. But I'm despairing right now

 

[Kibby]

For me no but for others perhaps so.

 

[platypus77]

Can I ask how long roughly did it take practising the distress tolerance before they become effective for you.

Truth is, it was never effective for me. I've just switched my focus. (Maybe it's my way of distress tolerance)

Something most people here might not see in them selves on this site is that we're all extremely resilient.

Meaning if you're are still around is because you're a strong warrior, and for that I praise you all.

See how much people already endured by their stories here, suffering is inherent of being human. The only moment you'll ever stop suffering is when you stop existing.

It's a long road and requires much reflection, I came to realize that there's no way to scape suffering, but you do have control of some of the things that make it worse. Like the pursuit of happiness and self indulgence.

DBT showed me that while I can't avoid to suffer, there's things that I can do about it, because some of our pains are self inflicted.

First thing I did was analyzing the people that I surrounded me with and why I gave them the privilege of my attention, being a people pleaser made me do unwise choices by giving my energy for people who didn't deserved it. I basically cut out everyone that fitted this group. Deleted my social media profiles. The result was that there was almost anyone left, I can attribute my drug addiction recovery to it.

It's a path for solitude, notice "solitude" not "loneliness". Being able to enjoy your own company alone is trancendent. Not easy, I had to become a misanthrope before becoming a compassionate human being during my efforts to understand solitude.

From that I started being more thoughtful of my relationships, chosing more wisely, I have less relationships to maintain, but the ones I still have are meaningful.

One of the privileges that was given to me was my resourcefulness, that gave me skills to develop my craft which is deemed valuable from society and by consequence a somewhat form of financial success. This was one of the traps I've fallen into, being able to accumulate made me sick, the sickness of consumerism.

I now live a frugal life which most people do not understand, the more you get the more you want, it's a vicious cycle. To breakout this trap, I stopped giving a fuck from what people think of me, my 15 year old car, my not so stylish clothes, and so on... I only have a single pair of shoes and sleepers, it's all I need. Living this way made me free to quit and choose where and if I want to work at all.
I'm still easily overwhelmed by life, but I started searching for these patterns I put myself into. And started removing people, beliefs, habits, one by one.

My way of radical acceptance, is to accept that I can never live the "happy" life as portrait by the lies society tell us.

It's not a straight line, for sure it isn't quick, took me years to achieve some sense of progress. It didn't solved my issues, the pain is still feels unbearable from time to time, but it gets more manageable.

It's easier to look for ways to remove the things that increase my suffering than looking to not suffer at all. It's a compounded effect.
Not sure if my words are of any help at all, it's just my experience. It takes time, and blindly following the teachings of the program didn't worked for me.

I'm always revisiting and perfecting the skills while I'm still here, the alternative is to always get hit by the same punch, better if it's a new one.

Hope it helps.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I think that will help a lot but there's much to unpack there. I'm very appreciative of your answer. Tbh on first scan, some of what you say is on the lines of what my psychiatric nurse says, who I trust absolutely. But there is a lot to think about in what you say. And thank you for being so open and honest. xxxx

 

[platypus77]

I think that will help a lot but there's much to unpack there. I'm very appreciative of your answer. Tbh on first scan, some of what you say is on the lines of what my psychiatric nurse says, who I trust absolutely. But there is a lot to think about in what you say. And thank you for being so open and honest. xxxx

Well, my view is there's no pride in embracing suffering like a badge of achievement. But we can choose, to suffer, to fight or to go.