Help Is my story worthy of suicide consideration?

[awfullife]

Hi there. I never thought this would be possible. I was always an overachieving, popular guy who excelled in most things I was passionate about. 4 years ago I was making 40k per month, I had a beautiful custom home, and a wife and 2 children. Since the divorce, my:

1. Child/Spousal support was set at 6k per month
2. Business Tanked
3. I wasted all my money on Lawyers / Trial / Custody battles
4. I became obsessed with Qanon
5. Lost my house and sold my car
6. Am not hirable in my specialized field due to market downturn
7. I live with my elderly father and drive a semi truck for 400/ week after child support.
8. I don't see my children as I don't have the resources to be with them.
9. Owe the Feds about 300k in back taxes

My loving friends have been so supportive and offerred me jobs but I was a dumb fuck and wouldn't take them as "I couldn't bear to be away from my kids"
Now I live in another state and never see them anyway. BTW, I stopped drinking alcohol in 2013 and life went to shit. I did have some problems with Adderall. I've made too many poor decisions to come back from. I'm thinking my kids will be young enough to not be too fucked up from me CTB plus I have seen them once in last year anyways.

Probably hanging since I can't CTB via SN as my dad whom I live with would be very suspicious about packages arriving. Dad and kids are only thing keeping me from trying right now.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm so sorry man. So sorry about your situation. Not seeing your children growing up must be a torture. But ctb is your decision. Consider if you can come out of this situation.

 

[awfullife]

I have TimeToBiteTheDust. I had some pretty bad delusions about a year ago re: Qanon and spooked all my normie friends. I already committed career suicide by becoming a truck driver. How do you live independently off of 1600 per month? Sadly, I have always been obsessed with money and God has taught me a brutal lesson here. My elderly father takes me back and forth to my semi truck. Fucking Pathetic. I drove a porsche 911 10 years ago. I'm an asshole and deserve this.
thank you for your kind words though.

 

[justwhy?]

I know this will be an unpopular take, but I honestly think you should tell your ex that unless she agrees to less (so you have the resources to actually take care of them yourself) then you're going to top yourself. If you're in one of those messed up situations in the US where your obligations don't scale with your income then a) she's a nasty piece of work for not agreeing to less and b) If she's taking 6k/month, knowing it leaves you unable to be present for your children, then she's a neglectful parent putting her own material desires before her childrens' needs: all of the evidence shows that children need input (ideally intensive input) from their fathers to attain well being and are (psychologically) far better off with a present, low income father than absent high income one.
If you kill yourself then (life insurance notwithstanding) she gets nothing. Even if she doesn't care about you or them then it would at least play to her self interest. If she wanted to drag you into the dirt then she should expect to get covered in it herself.

 

[noaccount]

A lot of us living independently off half that mate

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm about to be in a similar situation minus the money parts. I've seen a bunch of other fathers on here lately as well. I definitely feel your pain and I'm not gona stick around for a divorce to really screw me over. For what it's worth though too you can petition the court to lower the support payments.

Any reason to die is as good as any other as well. We all have different things that keep us going, and when we lose them it's not always worth it anymore.

 

[awfullife]

good to know noaccount. I can't find an apartment for less than 650 plus utilities and shit. Justwhy: To clarify, now that my life is ruined and biz tanked, the courts have lowered support to 1500 per month but it is still crippling on an already modest income.
Fucked up thing about all this is my dad was absent when I was a kid and I always tried to be super dad (coach soccer, visit school, etc)
You know you are close to CTB when you don't have an emotional response anymore to how shit your life is. Kinda just numb. No more tears.

 

[justwhy?]

Would bankruptcy clear the tax obligation? How much does your ex hold in assets? I'm not after these answers but forcing more compromise on her part might be part of your solution, even if the threat of your suicide is required, since you're on that precipice already.

 

[LMLN]

I have TimeToBiteTheDust. I had some pretty bad delusions about a year ago re: Qanon and spooked all my normie friends. I already committed career suicide by becoming a truck driver. How do you live independently off of 1600 per month? Sadly, I have always been obsessed with money and God has taught me a brutal lesson here. My elderly father takes me back and forth to my semi truck. Fucking Pathetic. I drove a porsche 911 10 years ago. I'm an asshole and deserve this.
thank you for your kind words though.

When you say you were always obsessed with money and that God has taught you a lesson. I have thought the same since I loved my husband so much and that God took him away to teach me a lesson. This is not really true, I dont believe God did these things. You are not an asshole. You did not deserve this anymore than I deserved to have my husband die.
I could tell you not to cbt but I'd be a hypocrite since I want to cbt. All I can say is I'm just trying to get through each day alive. No guarantees I'll be alive tomorrow.
I'm so sorry for the rug being pulled out from under you. It sucks. I know. Just know there are people who understand here. Nobody wants to feel like this.

 

[awfullife]

Thanks LMLN.
Justwhy: BK doesn't discharge debt to the IRS. Sadly, school loans, child support, and taxes are all immune from BK relief.
It will be sad in the end, but its kind of like alot of things in life. Loved ones and friends will be upset for a while......and then they will start to think about what they are going to have for dinner:)
I do worry about my 7 y/o autistic son's response. He is already super anxious when talking to me on the phone and I can tell that he's stressed. Hopefully kids are young enough to kind of not remember dad as much as if they were older. Plus I have been away for over a year from their lives.
CTB is a real motherfucker, man...I want to do a modified/full suspension in my semi truck so my dad doesn't have to see me but I worry if I fail that I will have marks on my neck and everyone will know what I'm up to.

 

[justwhy?]

"BK doesn't discharge debt to the IRS"
Okay... I understand why you feel so trapped then. You really do have my sympathies.
"7 y/o autistic son"
This though... Even with you around, he's likely to struggle. If you want to understand what will become of him without your input then please PM me - if you really were "always an overachieving, popular guy who excelled in most things" then I don't think you can grasp what awaits him in adolescence and beyond.

 

[awfullife]

i would like to PM you justwhy but not sure how to

 

[justwhy?]

you've hit 5 posts so admins will grant full permissions shortly

 

[Wayfaerer]

The whole alimony thing is outdated now. It served it's purposes in the past but now it's just an excuse for theft on behalf of the ex-wife.

I don't even know why people even get married anymore, marriage has become a mockery these days.

 

[SinisterKid]

Hover your cursor over a members name and a box pops up. Look for Start a Conversation and click on it to open. Write your message and send.

 

[awfullife]

People like me get married because they think that having a loving family will bring them peace and contentment. This turns out to be a fools errand as they learn over time that they hate themselves and are incapable of finding happiness and peace through others; Let alone being capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with a spouse. And yes I agree with you, the courts are drunk with power and do have the ability to ruin one's life.

 

[woxihuanni]

The whole alimony thing is outdated now. It served it's purposes in the past but now it's just an excuse for theft on behalf of the ex-wife.

I don't even know why people even get married anymore, marriage has become a mockery these days.

Indeed it's become a mockery in its modern implementation. Just go to any reddit thread (seen one even here), and you think: Those men should've cut their dicks off rather than marry, it is a disgrace.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

As long as you have your health you have options.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

As long as you have your health you have options.

So basically, nobody should kill themselves if they are physically fine?

 

[JoeFailure]

As long as you have your health you have options.

"Health" can be subjective. Sometimes mental health isn't as measurable.

 

[cowbain]

So basically, nobody should kill themselves if they are physically fine?

"Health" can be subjective. Sometimes mental health isn't as measurable.

Health includes physical and mental.

 

[Reyki6667]

You sound brilliant.
1)are you still able and functional physically and mentally (no debilitating mental illness which can t be treated after treatment)?
If yes, then you can make plan to change things if these are possible..
2)how long can your father provide for you? Has he any financial problem?
If no can and you can stay for an indefinite amount of time, then you have also time before you to also make plan to find some solution.
3)can you form yourself towards another job occupation or find some part time jobs until your current job occupation gets better?
If yes then you can then contribute afterwards towards you livelihood with your father to ease the burden and guilt.
4)concerning your child, and more precisely the child support you have to pay, can you see a lawyer /social worker to see if the amount you have to pay is now can be changed due to your new financial situation that don't enable you to provide for what was fixed and to provide yourself?
If yes, your situation has still the chance to get better.
5)concerning your daughter, you may be able to see her afterward, once everything fixed or free from any legal constraint, since our life expectancy is great , there is still hope.
Lastly you are lucky to have a caring father and friends to support you for the moment.


If it is worthy of suicide or not, I don't think that anyone can tell you, since we are not living your life....

 

[awfullife]

BruceLeeLives: Imagine working 14 hours a day hauling steel. Throwing heavy chains, binders, tarps in the snow and ice. Living in a truck for 5 nights a week. Freezing your ass off. For 400 dollars a week - for the next 10 years (Until child support is done)
All my lifelong friends are like I used to be: Highly successful business professionals and or entrepreneurs. They don't get what I'm going through. I sold all my clothing household furniture and goods for $1000 during an episode last year as I couldn't afford to store it anymore. I made my own bed here buddy. I want to be permanently eradicated from the earth.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

How can you know what the future holds?

 

[TAW122]

It is certainly a really tough situation and so many things has happened in your life that makes it a living hell. While I can't tell you whether you should or shouldn't CTB as that is solely and ultimately your decision, I can say that if there is still a reasonable chance of making it out successfully, then I would strive in that direction and exhaust every possible option before arriving at the final option, which is CTB. Your reasons are also perfectly valid and people have CTB'd for even less too (no judgment on them as everyone is entitled to their own decision over their lives). I would only suggest that you explore ALL your options first before immediately going straight to CTB'ing.

 

[Sweet emotion]

A lot of us living independently off half that mate

But you're not in America. You have no idea how much rent and housing costs in America.

So basically, nobody should kill themselves if they are physically fine?

I know what you mean. You can have excellent physical health but awful mental health. I think the person that said this is just trying to be supportive and give him some hope. Don't take it personally. We all know there are all kinds of reasons why people kill themselves.

 

[k75]

Thanks LMLN.
Justwhy: BK doesn't discharge debt to the IRS. Sadly, school loans, child support, and taxes are all immune from BK relief.

Actually, it does if you meet other requirements. Double check that.

Anyway I'm very sorry you're in this position. I'm not going to judge you and say if it's valid reasons or not. That's very personal and not for anyone else to say. But it does suck a lot. I don't really see anything that's truly hopeless, though. A lot of your problems can be renegotiated somehow. The big question is, is it worth the time and effort and work that's involved?

 

[awfullife]

Thx k75. I've never been a strugglers before. I've always been a dominator and a winner. The thought of struggling for the next 35 years is garbage.
Almost like a vegetarian having to eat meat every day.

 

[TowerUpright]

Hi there. I never thought this would be possible. I was always an overachieving, popular guy who excelled in most things I was passionate about. 4 years ago I was making 40k per month, I had a beautiful custom home, and a wife and 2 children. Since the divorce, my:

1. Child/Spousal support was set at 6k per month
2. Business Tanked
3. I wasted all my money on Lawyers / Trial / Custody battles
4. I became obsessed with Qanon
5. Lost my house and sold my car
6. Am not hirable in my specialized field due to market downturn
7. I live with my elderly father and drive a semi truck for 400/ week after child support.
8. I don't see my children as I don't have the resources to be with them.
9. Owe the Feds about 300k in back taxes

My loving friends have been so supportive and offerred me jobs but I was a dumb fuck and wouldn't take them as "I couldn't bear to be away from my kids"
Now I live in another state and never see them anyway. BTW, I stopped drinking alcohol in 2013 and life went to shit. I did have some problems with Adderall. I've made too many poor decisions to come back from. I'm thinking my kids will be young enough to not be too fucked up from me CTB plus I have seen them once in last year anyways.

Probably hanging since I can't CTB via SN as my dad whom I live with would be very suspicious about packages arriving. Dad and kids are only thing keeping me from trying right now.

Suggestion for obtaining SN, if you live in the US. Would your dad get suspicious of an Amazon box? Or a Wal-Mart mail order?? You can order SN from Walmart. The package was not marked weird in any way. The box inside the box was, though.

HTH

 

[Partial-Elf]

Thanks LMLN.
Justwhy: BK doesn't discharge debt to the IRS. Sadly, school loans, child support, and taxes are all immune from BK relief.
It will be sad in the end, but its kind of like alot of things in life. Loved ones and friends will be upset for a while......and then they will start to think about what they are going to have for dinner:)
I do worry about my 7 y/o autistic son's response. He is already super anxious when talking to me on the phone and I can tell that he's stressed. Hopefully kids are young enough to kind of not remember dad as much as if they were older. Plus I have been away for over a year from their lives.
CTB is a real motherfucker, man...I want to do a modified/full suspension in my semi truck so my dad doesn't have to see me but I worry if I fail that I will have marks on my neck and everyone will know what I'm up to.

Tbh if you fail that's the least of your worries. More like "if I fail I will have irreversible and severe brain damage." The situation you're envisioning is one where you test out hanging to determine whether it's a suitable option. In that case, if you wear a sweatshirt or something, you don't need to be worried

Also, as per the thread title: no one can tell you whether your situation qualifies you for suicide. That's exactly what we're trying to get away from. If you want to stop living and are willing to take the steps to make that happen, the decision is yours and yours alone