Is love and need the same thing or not?

[Onomatopoeia]

I've read all these stupid blogs and social media threads about this. I loved and needed my husband equally. I loved his smile, his hair, his chest, his shoulders, his goofiness, his responsibility, his sense of defending our household. I needed his touch, his eyes, his vulnerability that he would never show to anyone else except for me, his lips and hands on my toes, his scratchy face when he hasn't shaved in a few days, rubbing against my face, etc. I really, really miss my husband, the love of my life. And I hate the US government for killing him. His worst crime in his life was a speeding ticket when he was in high school at age 16.

I love him. I need him. I think both words mean the same thing. Do you? I will be gone when all my SCUBA/inert gas equipment arrives in a week or so. I want to be with him. I need to be with him. I want nothing else in this world. I love him. I need him.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I'm sorry, for your loss, I have never been fortunate enough to have a companion or experience love in my life, no one has ever wanted to protect me, I never deserved love, so I cannot really answer your your question. Just wanted to say you have been very fortunate not just to have loved deeply but also to have someone who loved you, always there and waiting for you on the other side, must be a comfort that i cannot possibly imagine. I have no one waiting and will be just as lonely in death as I have been in life.

I learned to survive without love, some don't even want love so to me it is priviledge, a blessing and not a need required for survival. If have loved and been loved in return then no one can take that away, you can cherish it and share it with others, it is a beautiful thing, a blessing but not a need. Thats just my opinion from someone who does not know what love is.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

wow, i cannot even imagine loving some1 this much. it seems like u found the thing ppl spend their whole lives searching for & never find. i'm truly sorry for the loss of ur love</3 i wish i had more to offer than cliche sentiments, but i truly am.

as for my thoughts on love & need, i think they can both be used in the same context, but they're not the same bc they're not synonymous/interchangeable. they're separate feelings on their own. just like hate & disgust are not the same. i can be disgusted by some1 but not hate them, just like i can feel need for some1 but not love them.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I'm sorry, for your loss, I have never been fortunate enough to have a companion or experience love in my life, no one has ever wanted to protect me, I never deserved love, so I cannot really answer your your question. Just wanted to say you have been very fortunate not just to have loved deeply but also to have someone who loved you in return, always there and waiting for you on the other side, must be a comfort that I cannot possibly imagine. I have no one waiting and will be just as lonely in death as I have been in life.

I learned to survive without love, some don't even want love so to me it is priviledge, a blessing and not a need required for survival. If have loved and been loved in return then no one can take that away, you can cherish it and share it with others, it is a beautiful thing, a blessing but not a need. Thats just my opinion from someone who does not know what love is.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yes, love is a need. Clearly your husband was a universe unto himself...

 

[Onomatopoeia]

Just wanted to say you have been very fortunate not just to have loved deeply but also to have someone who loved you, always there and waiting for you on the other side

My third toe on my right foot is ugly. I'm weird and I know that. But he convinced me that my toe is cute and he kissed it all the time, and made me laugh! He painted my toe nails sometimes so I would feel good. He did this because he loved me. And I believe he needed me, so I did everything for him. We needed each other. And now he's gone.

So happy I'll be gone before St. Patty's Day.

Yes, love is a need. Clearly your husband was a universe unto himself...

That hurts so much because, yes, he was my whole universe.

 

[ObscureSunshine]

I've read all these stupid blogs and social media threads about this. I loved and needed my husband equally. I loved his smile, his hair, his chest, his shoulders, his goofiness, his responsibility, his sense of defending our household. I needed his touch, his eyes, his vulnerability that he would never show to anyone else except for me, his lips and hands on my toes, his scratchy face when he hasn't shaved in a few days, rubbing against my face, etc. I really, really miss my husband, the love of my life. And I hate the US government for killing him. His worst crime in his life was a speeding ticket when he was in high school at age 16.

I love him. I need him. I think both words mean the same thing. Do you? I will be gone when all my SCUBA/inert gas equipment arrives in a week or so. I want to be with him. I need to be with him. I want nothing else in this world. I love him. I need him.

Love & Need are notably different for me. The person that truly loved me & I him died decades ago.

There are still moments where I will experience withdrawl/need for him out of nowhere.

Like, I will develop a headache/muscle aches missing the way he would trail his finger from my ear to my jaw and tip my face up to his, or missing the smell of his sweat/cologne makes my nose burn like when tonic/soda gets caught in there... the ebb & flow of those physical memories are needs to me.

I am the last one of us who gets to have the physical memories because I am still in this body.

Knowing each day that I somehow persevered to remain here/the obsurd/inexplicable scenarios that caused me to survive my ctb attempts, the patience/grace I abundantly extend to others, the way I was able to appreciate/enjoy one particular relationship that came the closest to ours many years after his passing, etc that all directly results from the love that he instilled & continues to grow in me. I can honestly say I love him more now than 30+ years ago.

There are things he said that are clicking into place for the first time now, & I am still realizing/appreciating new ways in which he is amazing.

Let me be clear- the first 15ish years were unbearable & I have minimal memory(multiple people in my life transitioned) of many of those years. I had to be supervised when visiting because I tried to dig up his space multiple times, slept out there countless times & attempted ctb... I was

Also, ctb is never completely off the table for me, so please don't mistake this for a recovery/success story.

I just deeply relate to/remember much of what you described, even if I understand it differently now & wanted to share.

I forgot the question, however I'm not deleting any of this

Sending Energy
Be Well

 

[Onomatopoeia]

Let me be clear- the first 15ish years were unbearable & I have minimal memory(multiple people in my life transitioned) of many of those years. I had to be supervised when visiting because I tried to dig up his space multiple times, slept out there countless times & attempted ctb... I was

Sorry, but as a former English teacher for adolescent kids, this sounds so much like artificial intelligence/TikTok interference. If it's not, great. But I do not want to communicate with you.

EDIT: and I'm sorry, but a big part of your response came from a Psychology Today article. Again, I'm an English teacher. I have to do real research.

 

[ObscureSunshine]

Sorry, but as a former English teacher for adolescent kids, this sounds so much like artificial intelligence/TikTok interference. If it's not, great. But I do not want to communicate with you.

Consider not replying & continuing to scroll going forward

 

[druggedonsurvival]

Yes, love is a need, and like any inherent need it causes our minds distress when that need goes unfulfilled. I have experienced this myself, although I have never had mutual love. I've often thought if I had "true" love I would feel better. I don't know how true that is, but it sounds like you were truly happy with your husband, so I can't blame you for wanting to ctb. Although I am distressed because I have not found love, I can't imagine how much worse it would be to be in possession of it only to have it ripped away. I'm very sorry that happened to you.

 

[Onomatopoeia]

I've often thought if I had "true" love I would feel better.

When you know someone else loves you, even when everyone else disagrees, it is the greatest human feeling. I'm small for a woman. 5'0, 110 pounds. My husband sacrificed his manhood, and was about to hurt a large woman trying to fight me. She was larger than him. When he did that, I knew he was my one and only. And now he's gone. He would have done anything for me. And I would have done anything for him. Nobody did that for me, ever. I hate this world.

 

[Dot]

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says 'I need you because I love you."
- Erich Fromm

 

[Meteora]

I'm so sorry for your loss . I agree, if we love someone we get dependend in a good way and therefore we need that person.