Discussion Is it wrong to die because you can't have a social life and meet your social/sexual needs?

[quiet.rabbit]

I'm really confused where this particular issue falls in people's ranking of problems.

Many times when I have mentioned my lack of friends and meaningful relationships I get scoffed at and told others have it worse and still manage to carry on. My first (and so far only) therapist told me some people wish they could have my life (????)
But prolonged isolation has messed up my memory and ability to learn, carry conversations. Those are essential skills for life, which is why I was thinking this might actually be a debatable topic.

What do you think?

 

[tiger b]

I think the person themselves, assuming reasonable mental capacity, has to be the ultimate judge of what is right or wrong to do with their own lives.

I'm not entirely sure what angle your therapist was attempting to work with you, though.

 

[Rockman]

I think that a good solution to the problem is whether the factors that encourage you to commit suicide are variable. If they are changeable it means you can improve or repair them. Everything you wrote is subject to change. You have to answer yourself whether it's worth it.

 

[dinosavr]

If your life is objectively good but for you an essential part is missing, fuck the objectivity.
You know what you need and as long you have hope to find it in the future and be happy, good for you.
But if you don't have hope anymore, it's valid and it doesn't matter what others think. You're the one who decides whether your life is worth living or not.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I think the person themselves, assuming reasonable mental capacity, has to be the ultimate judge of what is right or wrong to do with their own lives.

I'm not entirely sure what angle your therapist was attempting to work with you, though.

My therapist was using the "starving African children" argument but instead of African kids it was sexual trafficking victims.

She also brought up one of her clients who self harms and told me she has it worse because of her neglectful parents (which is literally the problem I have but ok.) I stopped seeing her because that was a breach of confidentiality and she didn't like me at all. But that's a topic for another thread haha.

 

[tiger b]

The argument that 'someone has more valid problems than oneself' is nearly always moronic to the max.

 

[ThroughTheLight]

The argument that 'someone has more valid problems than oneself' is nearly always moronic to the max.

Exactly, because by that logic of "someone else has it worse" the only person with valid problems is the one who's suffering the most in the world.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My therapist was using the "starving African children" argument but instead of African kids it was sexual trafficking victims.

She also brought up one of her clients who self harms and told me she has it worse because of her neglectful parents (which is literally the problem I have but ok.) I stopped seeing her because that was a breach of confidentiality and she didn't like me at all. But that's a topic for another thread haha.

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I think that a good solution to the problem is whether the factors that encourage you to commit suicide are variable. If they are changeable it means you can improve or repair them. Everything you wrote is subject to change. You have to answer yourself whether it's worth it.

Unfortunately my physical appearance makes people avoid me and I can't change it. It's impossible to improve social skills and move on from your past if people aren't willing to give you a chance.

 

[HighFlight]

I don't feel it's right for a therapist to use other patients' issues to invalidate yours. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say maybe their workload is too much. But you should find a new therapist.

As far as your original question, the answer lies within you, for only you can decide what is "right or wrong" for your situation. Generally speaking, humans are social creatures and sex is a necessary part to propagate the species. We're hard-wired to seek both.

Your feelings of social isolation are just as valid as the any other's issues. I know what it feels like, and is part of the reason I'm here as well. We are part of a large, and growing number of people who are losing connection with others, and the related social skills.

It's important for you to realize that you are not alone in this feeling. Skills can be relearning, connections rebuilt. But these take time and effort. And only you can decide if you have the strength and determination to recover.

Edit: physical appearance doesn't change anything I previously mentioned. It can make things more challenging if you don't feel comfortable about yourself. This is where a good therapist should be helpful.

 

[BornByGhosts]

nobody should need to justify wanting to die, ever, regardless of age or circumstance

 

[lament.]

I think that how high it would rank on mine or others scales in a ranking of problems doesn't really matter, it's just about your personal experience and how you feel about your situation. If it feels like it's something you can't fix and you have exhausted all your other options then fair enough. However, it is very much worth trying to take the time and effort to improve your situation though if its something you desire. If you do feel like you have the will to try and improve your social skills then:

I'm also a NEET and have been able to improve/maintain my social skills by having regular calls with friends over discord. If you don't have anyone you can call there are discord servers where there are many open VCs, which can seem a bit daunting at first but I honestly think it's a good resource for people like us who don't really communicate with others IRL since there's no strings attached, you can leave at any time and you might even be able to make some friends out of it. Also if you don't want to actually use your voice text chat can still be a good way to maintain conversations, it's obviously not the same but it definitley helps and is a good starting point.

It's worth noting that this obviously isn't a replacement for in person human interaction but for me at least it really does help and I know a few other chronically online people who do the same.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I'm really confused where this particular issue falls in people's ranking of problems.

Many times when I have mentioned my lack of friends and meaningful relationships I get scoffed at and told others have it worse and still manage to carry on. My first (and so far only) therapist told me some people wish they could have my life (????)
But prolonged isolation has messed up my memory and ability to learn, carry conversations. Those are essential skills for life, which is why I was thinking this might actually be a debatable topic.

What do you think?

I think if you're an adult then you don't need 'a reason'. The reason is because you choose it, whatever it is. Why do you need to enter into debates with anyone? You shouldn't have to, should you? It pisses me off that people want me to try and over rule the wishes of others about their own lives/deaths. It's your choice, obviously consider anyone dependent on you for care like a child, but it's your call.

 

[haibane]

Theres is no such things as a suffering competition. There is no need to compare ure self/ suffering to anyone else. We all suffer differently from different things and imo nobody should need validation for any kind of suffering. Its all about ure own feelings about ure own situation.

 

[Golden Slumbers]

Loneliness is the driver of all my suffering. It's actually kind of funny because there's basically nothing wrong with me or my situation. A lot of people would kill to be in my situation, but I just can't help but have a fucked up anxiety brain.

 

[UKscotty]

Everyone makes their own choices.

Don't look for people to validate your reason, especially not on a suicide forum.

If its what you want thats enough.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

My therapist was using the "starving African children" argument but instead of African kids it was sexual trafficking victims.

She also brought up one of her clients who self harms and told me she has it worse because of her neglectful parents (which is literally the problem I have but ok.) I stopped seeing her because that was a breach of confidentiality and she didn't like me at all. But that's a topic for another thread haha.

What the hell?

That's so messed up of a therapist to do something like that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree with others that your therapist doesn't sound all that helpful. How is being shamed that you have it better than others supposed to make you feel better about tackling your own problems?

Still- there's that whole thing of 'I can't.' Is it truly that it's impossible or is it that you find yourself at a huge disadvantage? You're not sure whether any effort you put in will be enough and even if you do, you're not sure the effort will be worth it? So- it's maybe not impossible but you have to decide yourself whether you want to try that hard. Whether you can do without it or whether it truly does all feel like too much.

I think a lot of us are actually at a similar crossroads. So- we do have a goal in mind that we think would make us happier but- for our own individual reasons, it feels near impossible to reach or- we don't think the reward will be worth the effort. Really though- it has to be down to each of us on whether we are willing to try or not.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Theres is no such things as a suffering competition. There is no need to compare ure self/ suffering to anyone else. We all suffer differently from different things and imo nobody should need validation for any kind of suffering. Its all about ure own feelings about ure own situation.

Problem is that people think there is, that since your problems aren't comparatively as bad as someone else's, that shouldn't give you reason to want to ctb.

 

[raindrops]

I understand, I really do. Meaningful relationships/friendships are so important. Being alone & feeling alone are a killer, apparently it is a fact that loneliness affects the body just as much as a smoker, who smokes 20 a day. A Social Prescriber said to me "some people have never had the life you've had" I don't understand what she meant by it because the life I did have I am not living that life now. I am lucky, I know, I have my grandmother here. I'm warm, I have food and a beautiful cat. I feel like she was asking me to accept my life now as it is and rebuild myself, because other people live and deal with the misery I also feel. I don't know where to begin, I haven't socialised properly in 2 years it will be 3 years soon, I don't know where to begin. I just wish a peaceful exit was legal. So far I've been recommended to just live in mental agony forever and deal with it.

 

[IWishToDie]

I'm really confused where this particular issue falls in people's ranking of problems.

Many times when I have mentioned my lack of friends and meaningful relationships I get scoffed at and told others have it worse and still manage to carry on. My first (and so far only) therapist told me some people wish they could have my life (????)
But prolonged isolation has messed up my memory and ability to learn, carry conversations. Those are essential skills for life, which is why I was thinking this might actually be a debatable topic.

What do you think?

I've been there before but let me say, you can always find outcasts to befriend. Making friends is an adventure and you will meet many more adversaries before you find true friends. It is not worth CTB simply because you haven't found the right people or person yet. There is much more that can be done to improve your chances. Best of luck.

It's funny, just as I posted this the people upstairs started to have sex. Here I am crippled and alone trying to sleep. Such is life.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I've been there before but let me say, you can always find outcasts to befriend. Making friends is an adventure and you will meet many more adversaries before you find true friends. It is not worth CTB simply because you haven't found the right people or person yet. There is much more that can be done to improve your chances. Best of luck.

It's funny, just as I posted this the people upstairs started to have sex. Here I am crippled and alone trying to sleep. Such is life.

The last line..I cant even..

But going back to the OP, for me, the older I got, the more it solidified the feeling of independence from the need for a lot of relationships/social interactions. I'm not saying im truly independent of them, i'm saying it mattered less to me. Sure, ive been labelled a cranky old b*strd, but hey, im okay with that, and I havent been featured in a youtube video yet sooo.. win, i guess?

@IWishToDie is right though. You can try and find some people that meet your criteria and who you want to befriend. it's a big world, statistically speaking there's bound to be someone that's able to help.

I won't judge your therapist, I don't know his or her story.