Help is it worth going back to therapy

[strawberrydino]

i want to preface this by saying i am almost 100% certain that i have extreme mood swings because of my period. but basically my therapist went on a month long vacation and I really hate online appointments. i think i like her a person, im not sure shes a good therapist. i want to try therapy again(mostly bc i wish it would just fix me but thats a delulu belief)
but a) im lgbtq and my current therapist just doesnt really understand nonbinary gender identities and im having a hard time trying to get my body dysphoria understood. generally a topic i also dont get.(side tangent i think im more nb, but i have constant thoughts about wishing to be a boy thinking of how better it would be to be a boy- that one might be internalized misogyny. i hate having a gender. i dont like my more fem name so i kinda split up my name into a nickname thats pretty androgynous. i hate my body- only time i appreciate having a nice body is when i think about myself in the third person as another person. have a repulsive feeling when referred to as woman or girl. had the greatest moment when a stranger said to my mom she should be proud to have a smart son. its just. i cant associate myself with male either. long tangent. i also wouldnt mind advice about my suddenly acute but constant gender confusion)
b) i feel like i dont really connect with my therapist and she doesnt with me.
c) once a status quo is set i have a hard time changing it. i want to ask her what shes looking for/is writing(if she can even disclose) but i feel like ive set a mental boundary of her being an authority
c) my mom is paying for therapy and i think she doesnt understand why i go. shes always asking me when im going to be done and since i havent gone for two months i dont want to ask her again. plus i would have to take the car and its just. idk. this is made worse bc i would likely want to change therapists and shes going to be like why, to who, its just not good
d) time is an issue sometimes. maybe i should just limit to one month

pros
a) i think i need therapist. i have anxiety its evident in my everyday life and i fear its getting worse and worse. i feel a constant impending sense of doom of the next day my whole life coming in general and grades
b) i cant keep venting on here its not healthy or fair
c) i need help from my meltdowns its not good. everything feels like its spiraling out of control
d) suicidal ideation

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How can a therapist solve a genetic issue?

Either you want to cope with the facts how you are and you search a therapist who is able to help you in this case or you don't wanna cope then therapy won't have any chance. That's my honest opinion on that.

b) i cant keep venting on here its not healthy or fair

You can vent here as much as you wish!

c) i need help from my meltdowns its not good. everything feels like its spiraling out of control

You need a solution at the core problem.

d) suicidal ideation

If the core problem is solved suicidal ideation most likely will disappear.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

Therapy can help with gender dysphoria, but if you don't have a good read on it yourself than they can only do so much that wouldn't be outright convincing you of things that might not be true. You're clearly not happy about being female, but you're also not sure if you fit as a male. That's logical within the realm of gender dysphoria, so what you need to figure out next is what exactly are you looking for in yourself? I'm pretty satisfied being a transwoman even though I would never accept the label of "female" (the reasons behind such are beyond the scope of this reply). So, do you like anything about masculinity specifically, or is it more a general discomfort with femininity?

It's perfectly valid to be somewhere in the middle. Androgyny is something a lot of people find themselves most comfortable in even if they don't exactly ID as NB. It's also fine to not like, or still like your femininity despite any hang-ups you feel about it. Experimenting is your right if your social surroundings allow for it safely, so if possible, don't be afraid to. It doesn't have to be anything radical, just enough to help you feel out what does and does not work for you.

 

[Scythe]

For me it's more can the problems be solved by talking. Something like gender dysphoria is not to me, because it requires physical change, I suggest getting some kind of HRT, at least hormone suppersants. Hormone suppersants have no lasting effects and is safe for trying things out. Therapy can help with general anxiety, paranoia and the likes that's purely in your head. You need to find the right therapist but it can help.