Is it weird to be Normal?

[Avisagia]

I'm not mentally ill and i never met with a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm physically totally healthy.
my parents are resilient people and also are very kind to me and my brothers, so all of my life i always got what i needed.
i got a good education, i have many friends , im smart , thin, also looking not bad (relatively). Im good at sports, games, communicating with people. i have a great job with very good money. people likes and respect me. so i have anything to complain of. Im just a Normal guy. BUT, im bored of this life. every time im having a great meal with my family and everything looks perfect; i look at everyone and feel emptiness. when I'm in a party with friends and everyone having fun dancing and laughing i feel bored and ask myself what is it all for?
its been almost two years since i thought about catching the bus for the first time. the only thing i can think of and not get bored is death, I'm curious about being dead.
if my relatives and friends will find me dead one day they will be in shock, i never talked about this desire with anyone, and i don't want to cause i don't want people to bother me.
is there anyone here who sympathizes with me? or is it sounds crazy to you?

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I'm not mentally ill and i never met with a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm physically totally healthy.
my parents are resilient people and also are very kind to me and my brothers, so all of my life i always got what i needed.
i got a good education, i have many friends , im smart , thin, also looking not bad (relatively). Im good at sports, games, communicating with people. i have a great job with very good money. people likes and respect me. so i have anything to complain of. Im just a Normal guy. BUT, im bored of this life. every time im having a great meal with my family and everything looks perfect; i look at everyone and feel emptiness. when I'm in a party with friends and everyone having fun dancing and laughing i feel bored and ask myself what is it all for?
its been almost two years since i thought about catching the bus for the first time. the only thing i can think of and not get bored is death, I'm curious about being dead.
if my relatives and friends will find me dead one day they will be in shock, i never talked about this desire with anyone, and i don't want to cause i don't want people to bother me.
is there anyone here who sympathizes with me? or is it sounds crazy to you?

No it doesn't sound crazy. it sounds like what I WISH I was. I wish to GOD I was normal. I wish I went to school and got a job like everyone else for literally no reason at all. I wish I just did that to save myself all the stress I went through.

Oh how I wish I had your life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it's very much understandable feeling bored of existing, in my case I could never wish to exist under any circumstances and I could never see a point or appeal to existing, all that humans do is distract themselves from the fact that death is inevitable, I certainly see existing as being tedious and dull in general.

 

[Death is my goal]

i assume you're not religious?

 

[アホペンギン]

Just because your life is normal and you're healthy and well off, doesn't mean your reasoning for wanting to ctb is invalid or crazy, nor will it ever invalidate your reasons of wanting to ctb. It is understandable to be bored of this life, the people are horrible, the world itself is horrible and it only makes sense to want to have peace and relief from everything here. The world itself makes existence so unappealing and death is truly the only thing that i'd want, in my case. I hope you find solace from all of this and I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can understand your desire to die as death is the final relief from all suffering in this world. But if it's just because you think your life is boring then have you tried to change your life? Traveling? Visiting other countries? Doing sth what you've not done yet? Obviously you'd have the financial means to do that. They're just my thoughts and CTB is always an option but it should be the very last one in any case.

 

[dialogos]

That feeling of emptiness happens to even normal people just ask them.
You know its a good thing at times because it makes you question if there is something better fit you.
Just like what PraestatMori said.change things up. Go travel the world, seek, explore, discover.
Maybe do charitable work as a mission?
I envy you

 

[jar-baby]

the only thing i can think of and not get bored is death, I'm curious about being dead.

fwiw, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Like Dumbledore said— To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. But I agree with others that there are other potential solutions to your boredom. If you feel as though there's an emptiness in your life, maybe you could consider incorporating some kind of spirituality into it?

 

[carac]

I might be being presumptions but it sounds like you have love missing from your life, be it somebody to love or something to love

 

[Avisagia]

i assume you're not religious?

i was. i mean my family and close friends are all religious people (and very strict too). they dont know about me breaking the rules of our religion.

 

[Avisagia]

fwiw, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Like Dumbledore said— To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. But I agree with others that there are other potential solutions to your boredom. If you feel as though there's an emptiness in your life, maybe you could consider incorporating some kind of spirituality into it?

in the last two years, i have done many new things. i started to learn to play piano. i finished first year of mathematics studies at the university. i visited like 4 or 5 different countries. so i don't think that will change my feeling. i also volunteered with people who have ASD.
Maybe carac is right. maybe i need to find love.. but i don't have the courage to be in a relationship, though i have the courage to kill myself so i think i would take the easy path...

 

[jar-baby]

in the last two years, i have done many new things. i started to learn to play piano. i finished first year of mathematics studies at the university. i visited like 4 or 5 different countries. so i don't think that will change my feeling. i also volunteered with people who have ASD.
Maybe carac is right. maybe i need to find love.. but i don't have the courage to be in a relationship, though i have the courage to kill myself so i think i would take the easy path...

I'm no expert but have you explored spiritual philosophy? Maybe engaging with the material world by travelling, etc. may not help, but I think that if you're non-religious you might gain something from exploring spirituality.

I agree with carac that forging meaningful relationships may help. Whether they're romantic or platonic. I understand wanting to take the easy way out, but if it helps— you're going to die anyway, one day, whether you like it or not. If the next few decades are all you've got and you're not in pain per se— maybe consider trying. Maybe it'll be worth the effort. Course, it's up to you in the end.

 

[Dot]

I'm not mentally ill and i never met with a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm physically totally healthy.
my parents are resilient people and also are very kind to me and my brothers, so all of my life i always got what i needed.
i got a good education, i have many friends , im smart , thin, also looking not bad (relatively). Im good at sports, games, communicating with people. i have a great job with very good money. people likes and respect me. so i have anything to complain of. Im just a Normal guy. BUT, im bored of this life. every time im having a great meal with my family and everything looks perfect; i look at everyone and feel emptiness. when I'm in a party with friends and everyone having fun dancing and laughing i feel bored and ask myself what is it all for?
its been almost two years since i thought about catching the bus for the first time. the only thing i can think of and not get bored is death, I'm curious about being dead.
if my relatives and friends will find me dead one day they will be in shock, i never talked about this desire with anyone, and i don't want to cause i don't want people to bother me.
is there anyone here who sympathizes with me? or is it sounds crazy to you?

U sy tht u hve nevr spokn 2 psychlgst/therpst

Am wondrng whthr thre = sme undiagnosd deprssn happnng tht a decnt humanistc or Jngian psychothrpst cn tlk thru wth u

Mght nt d/ n.ethng bt cld b wrth lookng in2 if th/ altrn8tve = deth

 

[whitherrvbound]

As dot said an undiagnosed illness of somesorts ? Cause human brain is in its typical chemical structure cant be tired of living cept for obvious material struggles/traumas without being divergent in the first place. Since you dont struggle with everyday life odds are favoring you i dont know if you have any secret trauma or whatnot but you should get checked before giving everything up my guess is depression but you never know. Hope you find whats wrong, cheers.

 

[Avisagia]

I'm no expert but have you explored spiritual philosophy? Maybe engaging with the material world by travelling, etc. may not help, but I think that if you're non-religious you might gain something from exploring spirituality.

I agree with carac that forging meaningful relationships may help. Whether they're romantic or platonic. I understand wanting to take the easy way out, but if it helps— you're going to die anyway, one day, whether you like it or not. If the next few decades are all you've got and you're not in pain per se— maybe consider trying. Maybe it'll be worth the effort. Course, it's up to you in the end.

thank you for trying to help me, i grew up in a religious education (family, school...) so i do have some experience with spiritual things...
also, i have meaningful relationships (with friends and relatives) but lately, i feel like its importance and meaning kind of 'fade out' (while they still think im their best friend or something like that...)
about the fact that im going to die anyway and that i have just a few more decades without any predictable pain. well i dont have something wise to say, you are right. but it seems to me like a big mountain graduating uni, getting married have children and raising them, listening to all the people around me, making them listen to me, etc. its all looks so boring and meaningless to me. but in principle, i totally understand your point. its just im so bored that i wanna do something else...like dying

U sy tht u hve nevr spokn 2 psychlgst/therpst

Am wondrng whthr thre = sme undiagnosd deprssn happnng tht a decnt humanistc or Jngian psychothrpst cn tlk thru wth u

Mght nt d/ n.ethng bt cld b wrth lookng in2 if th/ altrn8tve = deth

dot! i tried to understand your comment, but sorry my English isn't so good and not using the a,e,i,o,u letters (for any reason?) is a bit confusing to me.

As dot said an undiagnosed illness of somesorts ? Cause human brain is in its typical chemical structure cant be tired of living cept for obvious material struggles/traumas without being divergent in the first place. Since you dont struggle with everyday life odds are favoring you i dont know if you have any secret trauma or whatnot but you should get checked before giving everything up my guess is depression but you never know. Hope you find whats wrong, cheers.

im pretty sure i don't have an illness that I'm not aware of...
Another point is that i don't find death as "giving up on life" Maybe the opposite, i find that living people afraid of death for some reason?! im friends with death since i was a kid, i never understood when my teachers said we should love and be grateful for being alive, im was always curious about death and i think about it all the time (but in a very positive way and 'normal' way, so i dont think i have depression for example..)

 

[jar-baby]

thank you for trying to help me, i grew up in a religious education (family, school...) so i do have some experience with spiritual things...
also, i have meaningful relationships (with friends and relatives) but lately, i feel like its importance and meaning kind of 'fade out' (while they still think im their best friend or something like that...)
about the fact that im going to die anyway and that i have just a few more decades without any predictable pain. well i dont have something wise to say, you are right. but it seems to me like a big mountain graduating uni, getting married have children and raising them, listening to all the people around me, making them listen to me, etc. its all looks so boring and meaningless to me. but in principle, i totally understand your point. its just im so bored that i wanna do something else...like dying

I see where you're coming from. Unfortunately some of the exchanges we had were lost recently but to reiterate what I'd said, I'm not a fan of religion either; however, spirituality can also be practiced by the non-religious. But I understand that that might not work for everyone (it wouldn't for me, either, tbf— just thought it was worth mentioning).

I relate to you. Though I have definitive reasons for wanting to ctb, I realise that if I put in the effort I could possibly recover, and maybe create a life that I'd feel was worthwhile. I just don't really want to try, though, because like you say— it does seem like a big mountain, and it does seem boring and meaningless.

Dot explains her typing style on her profile page. I agree with her that you should consider seeing a psychologist/psychotherapist because you might have an undiagnosed mental illness that's giving rise to your suicidal ideation. Personally, I see where you're coming from when you express wanting to ctb but most people reach that point because of psychological pain (which could have arisen because of illness, or personal circumstances). One's survival instinct typically keeps one from wanting to die even if one is suffering so the fact that you're feeling this way (especially at a young age) means that there is potentially something anomalous about your psychology (and so it could be worth getting evaluated by a professional).

 

[Avisagia]

I see where you're coming from. Unfortunately some of the exchanges we had were lost recently but to reiterate what I'd said, I'm not a fan of religion either; however, spirituality can also be practiced by the non-religious. But I understand that that might not work for everyone (it wouldn't for me, either, tbf— just thought it was worth mentioning).

I relate to you. Though I have definitive reasons for wanting to ctb, I realise that if I put in the effort I could possibly recover, and maybe create a life that I'd feel was worthwhile. I just don't really want to try, though, because like you say— it does seem like a big mountain, and it does seem boring and meaningless.

Dot explains her typing style on her profile page. I agree with her that you should consider seeing a psychologist/psychotherapist because you might have an undiagnosed mental illness that's giving rise to your suicidal ideation. Personally, I see where you're coming from when you express wanting to ctb but most people reach that point because of psychological pain (which could have arisen because of illness, or personal circumstances). One's survival instinct typically keeps one from wanting to die even if one is suffering so the fact that you're feeling this way (especially at a young age) means that there is potentially something anomalous about your psychology (and so it could be worth getting evaluated by a professional).

ok i got you ! thanks a lot!

 

[Specific_Milk]

Avisagia
Dot said:
'You say that you have never spoken to (a) psychologist/therapist

Im wondering whether there is some undiagnosed depression happening that a decent humanistic or Jungian psychotherapist can talk through with you

Might not do anything but could be worth looking into if the alternative is death'

 

[Richard67]

I'm not mentally ill and i never met with a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm physically totally healthy.
my parents are resilient people and also are very kind to me and my brothers, so all of my life i always got what i needed.
i got a good education, i have many friends , im smart , thin, also looking not bad (relatively). Im good at sports, games, communicating with people. i have a great job with very good money. people likes and respect me. so i have anything to complain of. Im just a Normal guy. BUT, im bored of this life. every time im having a great meal with my family and everything looks perfect; i look at everyone and feel emptiness. when I'm in a party with friends and everyone having fun dancing and laughing i feel bored and ask myself what is it all for?
its been almost two years since i thought about catching the bus for the first time. the only thing i can think of and not get bored is death, I'm curious about being dead.
if my relatives and friends will find me dead one day they will be in shock, i never talked about this desire with anyone, and i don't want to cause i don't want people to bother me.
is there anyone here who sympathizes with me? or is it sounds crazy to you?

I bet your feelings are not all that unusual, actually. For someone whose life doesn't have, how to put it?: "strong ongoing negative experiences"