Help Is It Too Early To Report

[berd]

My younger sisters friend, 16, thinks that she is getting groomed by her uncle who's 50. She called me last night ranting about it and it's really freaking her out. He's always texting her and telling her unwanted secrets. One time, she watched black swan with my younger sister and she texted him after the movie because he was badgering her about it. He ended up watching it and texting her how he related to this one scene, the scene was the main character masterbating and getting caught by a family member. She showed me a text on call about him begging if they could roleplay, the scenarios weren't sexual at all it was just very strange. Her aunt got married to him a few years ago and she doesn't know what to do because she doesn't want to mess with the family. She asked me to post this because she wanted better advice btw.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

It's never too early report.

You want them to start records, a paper trail. Even if nothing is done right now, there will be that record to look back on if he escalates.

 

[greencondo]

It is never too early to report or comment on boundaries being crossed. Sexual or not, but yes it's already sexual.
He is a middle aged man calling a 16yr old about masturbating scenes...it's sexual by any standards. He's getting off on this.
But, he crossed boundaries even before that to groom and test her.

It's common to feel guilty that family might be messed up from saying something, it's very scary.
But that is his fault, not her's. As a 50 yr old man, I promise that he knows better. He's not worrying about the welfare of anyone one bit, in fact he is choosing to torment her. She probably wont be the only one he has done this to, or the last.

Go to people you trust and keep going until someone listens. (speaking from someone who had wished she had said something sooner and louder) Find a female detective if you have to.

Again..this is not her fault. He, a grown middle age man, is who put them all in this situation...not her. She has every single right to make it stop. Hold her head up high.

 

[Red Scare]

Your younger sisters friend knows you are part of a suicide discussion forum and asked you to post it... here?

 

[berd]

Your younger sisters friend knows you are part of a suicide discussion forum and asked you to post it... here?

She didn't know what forum it was, she saw me on it one time and thought it was something like reddit

 

[greencondo]

Just want to comment again because it's important and the self blame talk bothers me. (it's so common)

He messed with the family the second he decided to text (torment) her. He changed everything the moment he did that. He KNEW better, and went ahead with it. Then he keeps making that same shitty choice again and again.

Trying to Ignore it will not change the fact that a predator and delinquent married her aunt. (aunt should be filled in at some point. I'd want to know)
Trying to ignore it will
1. enable him
2. undermine her sense of self and safety in ways she might not even realize right now.
It's like a cancer.

If it was me she would have my full support. If by chance her family struggles with giving that support, then it's also not her doing. That's caused by unhealthy habits from way back. There are people and resources out there that will offer support.

 

[Someone123]

My younger sisters friend, 16, thinks that she is getting groomed by her uncle who's 50. She called me last night ranting about it and it's really freaking her out. He's always texting her and telling her unwanted secrets. One time, she watched black swan with my younger sister and she texted him after the movie because he was badgering her about it. He ended up watching it and texting her how he related to this one scene, the scene was the main character masterbating and getting caught by a family member. She showed me a text on call about him begging if they could roleplay, the scenarios weren't sexual at all it was just very strange. Her aunt got married to him a few years ago and she doesn't know what to do because she doesn't want to mess with the family. She asked me to post this because she wanted better advice btw.

You're lucky you have a warning, most people don't find out about things like this until after the abuse happens. I would treat it like it is an emergency to prevent this- people will get upset, but I would make an effort now while you still have a chance- I would tell other family members who can help or who will help- he has crossed the line for sure and he is a big danger to these girls. Still, you don't seem to have enough to go to the police or CPS, you probably need to handle this within the family.

 

[greencondo]

Putting this here for OP or anyone else who hasn't read it yet. (it's a must read IMO)

Grooming: Know the Warning Signs | RAINN

One tool common to those who sexually abuse kids and teens is grooming: manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. Though grooming can take many different forms, it often follows a...

www.rainn.org

another possible resource

Home - Childhelp

Since 1959 Childhelp has existed to meet the physical, emotional, educational and spiritual needs of abused, neglected and at-risk children.

www.childhelp.org

 

[GentleJerk]

Get that girl a can of mace and a taser, stat.

As for reporting, I don't see the harm, but usually not much can be done until after an offense has occurred. The main benefit would be the extra info for when/if something happens in the future.

If it was me, I'd put the lurch on blast immediately. Let him and everybody know that shit is creepy, inappropriate, and it's making the girl very uncomfortable. Who cares if people don't appreciate the fuss, they'll get over it. Abuse always happens when people don't want to rock the boat.

Creepy old fucc face.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

That is fucking sick. What the hell is wrong with people? Your own underage niece, jfc. It doesn't surprise me in the least that he's been caught choking the chicken by a family member. Hopefully she is able to tell her aunt about it. I think it should be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.

 

[Someone123]

Your younger sisters friend knows you are part of a suicide discussion forum and asked you to post it... here?

This is the Offtopic area where people can discuass other things that are on their mind.

 

[pikku.tiikeri]

She has confided in you because she trusts you and your sister. You have to do something to put a stop to the perverted scoundrel's actions before he takes it further.

You must advise her to firmly cut the pervert off. Ask her to tell him directly that he's making her very uncomfortable with his behaviour and that she does not want any more of it! Ask her to tell him firmly that she prefers to hang out with friends her age. Ask her to put an end to all communication with him, through calls, texts or otherwise. And ask her to avoid being in his presence at all costs.

You have to somehow bring in her aunt on this as well. Maybe talk to the girl's mum or dad or sibling. If her aunt is not alarmed by it and tries to brush it off, then it's time to get the cops or others involved.

 

[DPJ187]

Agree, report it to her parents, in a I'm uncomfortable about this kind of approach. Hopefully just that getting back to him will make him stop, sure it will mean he will ne excluded from some family events but it sounds like he should be. Anyone talking to you about masturbation, your underwear or how attractive you are is not someone you should be around. Unless your a grown up and it's entirely wanted.

 

[rationaltake]

As for reporting, I don't see the harm, but usually not much can be done until after an offense has occurred. The main benefit would be the extra info for when/if something happens in the future.

I had safeguarding training.

In my country the authorities will investigate even a suspicion of improper conduct. They encourage people to come forward as early as possible.

Abuse always happens when people don't want to rock the boat.

Exactly. Well put.