Is it stupid to only live for someone else?

[pinkywinkydinky]

I'm not sure if I'm doing this post properly, and I think the title isn't exactly what I mean, but this community seems to be the one place that feels like they'd understand me.

I have a solid plan. It's been years in the making, and the deadline I've given myself ages ago is coming up. However, I've decided that the only thing that's going to stop me is if someone ends up choosing me, platonically or romantically, because I've never been first in someone's life and it's all I've ever wanted to be.

Every time I try to explain that this is how I feel, I get called stupid and that my priority shouldn't be another person.

I don't think they understand that I've been trying to live for myself for so long that I've run out of reasons to. I am so lonely. I need another experience in my life, another person, if I want anything to be different. If someone actually prioritises me for once, I feel like I would have a reason to stay because they would be the reason. The thought that someone willingly chose me over anyone else would make me believe I have some purpose here.

Does anyone get me on this?

 

[Neon Grave]

I think anyone who calls you stupid for that is someone who's had the luxury of never feeling true loneliness.

We are innately social creatures. We NEED connection to other people to survive. There is no such thing as "living for yourself." It means jack shit if you're completely isolated.

These are completely valid thoughts, and I promise you're not alone in having them.

 

[sugarh1gh]

Definitely.
My last string was dog until she passed, because you know, dogs prioritize me over them. And I was world to her. That stopped me for awhile.

Now I have no one prioritizing me, or I would even call loving me, and that give me no barrier to ctb. It's sad, but if there was a person like that, I would live. That's why I have been alive until now, but since break up, no one can really stop me.

 

[ferrie]

I don't think it's stupid at all. I largely feel the same way, though that's probably due to my BPD. The only reason I made it through the last couple years was bc I cared really strongly abt ppl, but then I dated two of them & they broke up with me. Now I've lost all of my friends too & genuinely have no one. If I had someone that cared fully about me I think that would be enough to stay, like you said. That's unlikely to happen for me in the timeline that I feel I need to CTB by though. Regardless, I get you. However, I hope that you can find someone that cares about you in the way you want. No one deserves to be lonely

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's stupid asuch. Like others have said, we are supposed to be social creatures- we come from a species that lives in groups and forms tight bonds. So- it's surely natural to want that.

I suppose where I think the 'problem' lies is how risky it is. You might get lucky. You might find that special someone- your soul mate or whatever that sticks with you through thick and thin. Still- from my experience- the moment you start becoming attached to people in life, the moment you open yourself up to the possibility of loss and that can be incredibly painful. So, whether it's a long-term solution and whether it's sustainable at all really depends on a lot of factors.

Plus, there's the whole codependency thing. Not to criticise you. I think I can be needy too but in a way- is it even all that fair to put such a great amount of responsibility on someone else? Basically, we're saying- I can't and won't live without you. I suspect, not everyone can handle that level of commitment and responsibility. Maybe some can though.

I think I probably do want the same as you. I expect a lot of people do. Why wouldn't we yearn for someone to really care about us? I suppose I realise for me though that, it might not be sustainable and I've had my fingers burnt so often with estranged friendships. I don't entirely learn though. It's hard to go through life without making any connections and then, not feeling sad when they fade.