Venting Is it selfish for me to be alive?

[YouHaveBeenHeard]

I don't know if this will resonate with anyone, but I am disabled and also disowned by my parents. This causes me to be in a perpetual state of not knowing if I will ever be out of poverty. I need to do a regular job and sell myself in the work marketplace but I just can't because I'm not worth anyone's time. I also feel that since I'm of no value to society, maybe it is just selfish for me to continue living. I'm a net negative. I can't afford rent and I don't have any prospects. Nobody wants to rent to someone like me anyway. So isn't CTB the polite thing to do? Everything about our society says that people like me shouldn't be alive. I used to disagree but now I agree.

I always wanted to be a mother and a homemaker but the current economic situation means that wouldn't be possible even if I wasn't disabled. All of my "skills" are in creative areas that are done by AI now. I will never be able to afford a home and that's a mathematical fact.

I'm convinved that it would be morally correct for me to CTB. The only problem is that I am a coward and SI takes over every time I have tried, which is many times. My chosen method has been partial hanging.

This is my first post on here. I'm probably not adding much but I wanted to spell out my position and hopefully I can find a way to overcome my SI.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it says more about our uncaring society that you feel morally obliged to remove yourself. It's terrible to my view that you should feel like this.

It's not you're fault that you can't contribute- so- no, personally I feel like you shouldn't feel like this. To my view, it's initially the parents responsibility to care for the child they chose to bring into this world. They ought to have taken into account that it might not turn out to be some huge financial success and be able to fend for itself. That's my antinatilism coming out there.

Still- if they can't provide or, won't then- it's up to society to step in. We can find the money to go to war! If we're going to pretend to be some highly developed, caring society- we ought to live up to that.

Plus, simply the fact that it's made difficult for us to leave. Assisted suicide is only available in a handful of countries, illegal most other places. Peaceful methods are highly restricted. Why should you put yourself at risk of maiming yourself further to try and be less of an inconvienience to others?!!

I think you should just lap up all the welfare you can get. If you're disabled then, you're more deserving of it than some people who are lying and defrauding the system. I don't think anyone should feel obliged to kill themselves!

I'm creative too by the way and I sympathise. Computers have decimated a lot of our industries. Have you considered things like selling on Etsy? I did it for a while. Not that it's likely to generate a big income but it's more about giving you an outlet. I guess posting stuff could be difficult for you but people do pretty well selling digital downloads I believe- if your work can be adapted to that. Maybe not workable but thought I'd mention it.

Welcome to the forum by the way. I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you.