Discussion Is it really worth it?

[Kmp99]

So to start this off, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 16. I am now 21 and still haven't found the right medication cocktail that helped in any way shape or form. I was rushed to the hospital yesterday as I had a HUGE breakdown due to being in a manic state which I can normally sort of control. I was discharged with my doctor giving me some diazepam to calm me down and saying they are going to keep a very close eye on me and see me every week while I wait for my psychiatrist to contact me and they are going to put me on quetiapine or lithium. I am no longer allowed to have my own medication so my partner has to be in control over them as I am a suicide risk and I don't have access to my own money as I am reckless with spending. I don't want to have to go through the rest of my life struggling to control my mood and hurting the people around me. I also have TERRIBLE anxiety which stops me from even being able to go to the supermarket without having a panic attack. I want to die so badly but I don't want to hurt everyone more than I already am. All I want to know right now is...

Is this life worth living or is it worth hanging on for a little while longer.

 

[randomz]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. As for your question - life is always worth living in my opinion. There is always the chance for something to appear that will give you the will to carry on and face life's hardhips - something that will give you strength and purpose.
That being said, I am currently in a not so good situation and I am kinda wondering myself is everything worth it for me?
Maybe the new meds will help you with your pain, that's worth a shot. If I were you, I'd wait and see how things go.

 

[so tired or manic]

lithium was the only mood stabilizer to do much of anything for me. made a huge difference in my earlier years.

 

[Kmp99]

lithium was the only mood stabilizer to do much of anything for me. made a huge difference in my earlier years.

How long have you been on lithium and what are the side effects like if you don't mind me asking?

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. As for your question - life is always worth living in my opinion. There is always the chance for something to appear that will give you the will to carry on and face life's hardhips - something that will give you strength and purpose.
That being said, I am currently in a not so good situation and I am kinda wondering myself is everything worth it for me?
Maybe the new meds will help you with your pain, that's worth a shot. If I were you, I'd wait and see how things go.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling too. I want to stick this out to see if there is some hope in this life but as you probably already know... it's SO hard! Thank you for your reply, it has really given me a little bit of hope. I really hope you find the happiness you need to keep going!

 

[so tired or manic]

How long have you been on lithium and what are the side effects like if you don't mind me asking?

I was on it in high school for about 4 years, but I had horrible side effects then. the tremors were so bad someone leaned on me and said I was like a massage chair. constantly thirsty, but that's easy enough to learn to live with. I stopped because of the side effects and had gone back to it a couple years ago since it really was the only thing that worked. apparently the levels they want have changed or the prescriber I was seeing before just didn't give a fuck because all the side effects I was getting were signs of it being toxic, which is why they want blood levels every so often. my second go round the thirst was still there (since it's pretty much a salt pill), but not nearly as bad and all the other side effects were gone.

I stopped at the beginning of the year because I couldn't find anyone who would agree to give it to me so I figured I'd just go without. Been manageable so far.

 

[Kmp99]

I was on it in high school for about 4 years, but I had horrible side effects then. the tremors were so bad someone leaned on me and said I was like a massage chair. constantly thirsty, but that's easy enough to learn to live with. I stopped because of the side effects and had gone back to it a couple years ago since it really was the only thing that worked. apparently the levels they want have changed or the prescriber I was seeing before just didn't give a fuck because all the side effects I was getting were signs of it being toxic, which is why they want blood levels every so often. my second go round the thirst was still there (since it's pretty much a salt pill), but not nearly as bad and all the other side effects were gone.

I stopped at the beginning of the year because I couldn't find anyone who would agree to give it to me so I figured I'd just go without. Been manageable so far.

Thank you for your help, I think I might see about quetiapine since lithium seems to be worse for side effects.

 

[Bluesummers]

I'm on lithium and it gives me no side effects. I'm also on quetiapine and amisulpride. I'm not a true bipolar but I have mixed depression which basically has the same treatment, or better, it's even harder to treat than bipolar 1 or 2. I think that if this your main problem you should insist, they must find the right drug (or combo) for you. There is also lamotrigine, valproate and so on.
I didn't understand if you also suffer from panic attacks but in that case the situation is not easy because as a bipolar you woudn't take antidepressants (the main treatment for anxiety disorders). I have a panic disorder and at the moment they're treating me with alprazolam, but there are other possibilities.
.

 

[TAW122]

I think that would be something only you can decide and no one can determine whether life is worth living for another as each individual's situation is different from one another. With that said, I would recommend trying everything you can and then think about whether you want to continue living or find peace. Keep in mind that once you decide to CTB, there is no turning back so you must be 100% sure before making that decision. I wish you the best in whatever decision you choose.

 

[Kmp99]

I think that would be something only you can decide and no one can determine whether life is worth living for another as each individual's situation is different from one another. With that said, I would recommend trying everything you can and then think about whether you want to continue living or find peace. Keep in mind that once you decide to CTB, there is no turning back so you must be 100% sure before making that decision. I wish you the best in whatever decision you choose.

I'm sorry but I'm fairly new to this site, what does CTB mean?