My ex and I were together for two years before we broke up last August. I loved him with my entire heart, and he made living more bearable. He's with someone else now, and it's slowly killing me. I reached out to him yesterday, and he told me to move on and accept that it's over. But how can I? Is it possible to stop loving someone? Or does it just get easier?
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WretchedDreams
Quiet hopelessness
- Feb 20, 2023
- 37
It is possible, although it requires time. Been lovesick it's similar to a wound:
At first it hurts and it is a constant ache, but, as time goes by, it closes and no longer hurts like it did at the beginning. It is itchy and annoying, and if you scratch it can reopen again, causing pain.
After a time the wound will have closed, and a scar remains. It doesn't hurt anymore or as much, you don't feel anything but it reminds you how much it hurt at the start.
I just went through something similar and what worked was avoiding contact in person and on social media (I had to block him from everywhere). I also avoid frequenting places that bring back memories or where I could potentially find him. It is very difficult to see an end to all this now but give yourself some time. Seek something to do and occupy the brain because the ruminant thougts can eat you alive. This is what works in my experience, it does not mean that it is a panacea -- fix for everything.
Im truly sorry, dear. I hope things get better soon for you.
At first it hurts and it is a constant ache, but, as time goes by, it closes and no longer hurts like it did at the beginning. It is itchy and annoying, and if you scratch it can reopen again, causing pain.
After a time the wound will have closed, and a scar remains. It doesn't hurt anymore or as much, you don't feel anything but it reminds you how much it hurt at the start.
I just went through something similar and what worked was avoiding contact in person and on social media (I had to block him from everywhere). I also avoid frequenting places that bring back memories or where I could potentially find him. It is very difficult to see an end to all this now but give yourself some time. Seek something to do and occupy the brain because the ruminant thougts can eat you alive. This is what works in my experience, it does not mean that it is a panacea -- fix for everything.
Im truly sorry, dear. I hope things get better soon for you.
1012512
wound-up
- Jan 20, 2024
- 18
i'm going through a very, very similar thing right now; i sympathize with you, and offer myself to you if you ever need a listening ear.
in terms of advice, what i can say is that for love as strong as what you're describing, it's possible that you'll always love the other person just a little, but the key thing is that as time passes it won't be the painful, longing type of love. it'll grow more passive, less intense, less overwhelming. find ways to indulge yourself with happier thoughts and experiences. if you can't do that, then simply distract yourself. things will get easier and these emotions will loosen their grip on you with time. it can be hard when it's someone that means that much to you, it's almost like losing a piece of yourself, but with time and nurture that piece will grow back.
i can't say for certain you'll absolutely stop loving this person (i just don't know you), but i can assure you it will get easier.
in terms of advice, what i can say is that for love as strong as what you're describing, it's possible that you'll always love the other person just a little, but the key thing is that as time passes it won't be the painful, longing type of love. it'll grow more passive, less intense, less overwhelming. find ways to indulge yourself with happier thoughts and experiences. if you can't do that, then simply distract yourself. things will get easier and these emotions will loosen their grip on you with time. it can be hard when it's someone that means that much to you, it's almost like losing a piece of yourself, but with time and nurture that piece will grow back.
i can't say for certain you'll absolutely stop loving this person (i just don't know you), but i can assure you it will get easier.
You're so right. I'm happy that he's happy, but I can't help but feel easily replaceable. Thanks for the best wishes!
I love this analogy! It's very comforting. Yeah, we are still friends on social media, so it'd be a good idea to block him. I'll also try to put more time and focus on my studies. Thanks
Sorry to hear that. The same offer goes to you too! It's good to know that it gets easier. I hope things look up for you soon
carnivalforone
Experienced
- Sep 29, 2023
- 244
love is a very hard emotion, it happens deep and sadly u can never be sure both parties love the same amount or feel it the same, you loved this person genuinely for a long time so losing them is obviously gonna hurt and youre gonna miss the happy times you enjoyed over that time and the feeling that love gave you. im sorry this happened to you from the bottom of my heart i know how it feels but it does get better over time, like someone else said the wound heals and scars over, sometimes youll look at it and remember and think of them but it wont hurt as much. we must move on, ill admit i wasnt able to and only was able to after i found someone else who loved me harder and helped me forget . im sorry i hope u feel better
mortuarymary
Enlightened
- Jan 17, 2024
- 1,367
It can and it will get easier.
But you need to work on YOU. You're worth more than this.
Block him and please get on with a life without him.
But you need to work on YOU. You're worth more than this.
Block him and please get on with a life without him.
I feel very sorry, this is so painful .
Let s say, time heals at least some wounds. If he was your first love, then he ll probably always stay in your mind, not so much in your heart though.
I wish for you to slowly move on, to meeting new people maybe. I know it hurts
.
.Let s say, time heals at least some wounds. If he was your first love, then he ll probably always stay in your mind, not so much in your heart though.
I wish for you to slowly move on, to meeting new people maybe. I know it hurts
.
SexyIncél
đźŤmy lollipop brings the feminists to my candyshop
- Aug 16, 2022
- 1,485
It depends. It is certainly possible (as people do it), but may require changes in your mindset
In the short-term, you may consider his flaws & find new people. You probably want to be careful about getting a "rebound guy" — that tends to be a temporary relationship, especially if you vent to him about your ex (guys are typically territorial)... but you can nevertheless make it fun & worthwhile for him. So you don't traumatize him too
In the long term... Many guys retrain their minds to resist emotional attachment until the gal's appropriately vetted; and accept impermanence as buddhists do. If you don't accept that she's generally replaceable (before she demonstrates herself trustworthy with your 1 heart), then she'll wield massive bargaining power over you — and you'll be forever at the mercy of her whims. Then your only hope is to find a unicorn that you'll remain attracted to
How to accept that someone's impermanent? Always having other options is useful
Of course, that's not enough. If you get someone trustworthy with your heart, then you need game to keep him
I'll try to work up the courage to block him today. I feel bad about having to resort to this, but yeah, I do need to work on myself.
ThanksI feel very sorry, this is so painful
Let s say, time heals at least some wounds. If he was your first love, then he ll probably always stay in your mind, not so much in your heart though.
I wish for you to slowly move on, to meeting new people maybe. I know it hurts
He was my first love. Yeah, he'll probably always stay in my mind.Thankfully, I'm not in a state of mind to even consider a rebound right now. I'll check out the resources. Thanks!
Slow_Farewell
Warlock
- Dec 19, 2023
- 710
Let me know please what works for you. It's been a couple of years since the person I was in love with(and honestly, still am) went ahead and married another dude, and for the life of me, I cant seem to move on.
I'm at the stage where I havent spoken to her in years, blocked her on social media, (one thing I can say about FB is if you block someone, even if in a moment of weakness you search them to stalk them, it doesnt display the results).
But honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.
I looked into it and I figured out (with the help of science) that it's not actually her I am in love with, it's how she loved me. The little things that added up over time: the way she teased me, made me feel wanted, what she cooked, how she got mad at me, etc.
Granted, it is possible to find them in other people, but statistically, the probably is very low to find the exact characteristics or even close to them.
Even if I know that, it still doen't help much. When I go out, literally anything can remind me of her.
Grocery? I recall the times we went to get groceries. She's into Mcdonald's vanilla sundae so every mcdonald's i see, im fucked. Other cars driving? I'm screwed if the plates of the other cars contains either the same numbers or letters of her plate. I never realized the number of cars with the same sequence of letters/numbers before.
I skip/block facebook reels and youtube shorts with clips of "Friends" or Big Bang theory because she used to watch the two shows on her downtimes.
Does it get better, some say it does, i sincerely hope so, but im not at that stage yet. Honestly right now I think the best one can do is function without breaking down and trying not to take it out on anyone else.
I'm at the stage where I havent spoken to her in years, blocked her on social media, (one thing I can say about FB is if you block someone, even if in a moment of weakness you search them to stalk them, it doesnt display the results).
But honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.
I looked into it and I figured out (with the help of science) that it's not actually her I am in love with, it's how she loved me. The little things that added up over time: the way she teased me, made me feel wanted, what she cooked, how she got mad at me, etc.
Granted, it is possible to find them in other people, but statistically, the probably is very low to find the exact characteristics or even close to them.
Even if I know that, it still doen't help much. When I go out, literally anything can remind me of her.
Grocery? I recall the times we went to get groceries. She's into Mcdonald's vanilla sundae so every mcdonald's i see, im fucked. Other cars driving? I'm screwed if the plates of the other cars contains either the same numbers or letters of her plate. I never realized the number of cars with the same sequence of letters/numbers before.
I skip/block facebook reels and youtube shorts with clips of "Friends" or Big Bang theory because she used to watch the two shows on her downtimes.
Does it get better, some say it does, i sincerely hope so, but im not at that stage yet. Honestly right now I think the best one can do is function without breaking down and trying not to take it out on anyone else.
mortuarymary
Enlightened
- Jan 17, 2024
- 1,367
I've been there. He broke my heart so badly and i let him back again and again. I had to be strong and walk. I still think of him. I remember 2 years ago him be-friending me on FB. I couldn't resist. His life turned shit. You know what I was so happy. The person he left me for left him for someone else. He suffered so much. I was left happy. There are things I did with him that was just for us. But I'm here and I'm alive. I can't do costa anymore it was our thing. Same with fancy dress parties.
so let me hold your hand and show you it's ok out there. This big sCary world ain't so bad with the right friends in it.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how painful that must be. I have actually been trying to find him in other people, but you're right, we're all different. Everything reminds me of him, too. I suppose we have no choice but to take it one day at a time. I'm here if you'd like to chat
cosmic_traveler
Eternal Spirit Experiencing a Human Moment
- Dec 23, 2023
- 311
I still love my wife very much, as a human person. I don't love her as my wife anymore. Your mind and your body always keep score of all your trauma. It's up to you to free yourself from it. You are not this body, you are not even this mind. You are the love, the pain, and the anger. Your energy is consumed by the vacuum of emotions you have for him. Stop feeding the vacuum.
We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.
casual_existence
Student
- Jul 29, 2023
- 195
Sometimes I can't believe that people break up. I understand why it happens but I can't seem to wrap my head around it.
I'm sorry re your loss. I've had a lot of heartache over the years, I give a lot and I love hard and despite what is recommended, going cold turkey has never been the best approach for me. I've been friends with several of my exes for many years and love them like a brother now, but that doesn't happen very often and in your case, it doesn't appear you have any option. Other people I loved, time eventually released me of them. The memory of them faded with the passing time and I was able to see them from a different perspective. While time is a big healer, as someone else has said - finding a replacement is what did it for them. You don't seem angry and that is the main thing. Keep working on yourself, refuse to give into self talk, pity or blame, keep an open heart and mind, be patient and remain open to meeting someone new, they may not be the same, but they may end up being better and as you spend time with them and share new experiences together, the memory of the other will eventually fade.
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Mirrory Me
"Life's a mirror, but 'whose' mirror?"
- Mar 23, 2023
- 782
Love can chain and make you dependent. You should try to let go of it, focus on finding your happiness somewhere outside of it. Maybe it will come back into your life in some form later when you feel better.
BrainShower
Tiny storm
- Nov 7, 2023
- 243
Yeah, i actually got past this mostly (13 yr marriage, they left for someone else)
But it took years.
And at this point I won't do it again. The pain was so much worse than the love was good or whatever, the equation does not equate, and I'd much rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel that again.
But I have to see and interact with that person regularly and I feel nothing for them except a kind of weak disgust and revulsion. It is possible, and I didn't even have to go to the psych ward (almost a few times tho, no lie)
But it took years.
And at this point I won't do it again. The pain was so much worse than the love was good or whatever, the equation does not equate, and I'd much rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel that again.
But I have to see and interact with that person regularly and I feel nothing for them except a kind of weak disgust and revulsion. It is possible, and I didn't even have to go to the psych ward (almost a few times tho, no lie)
Very similar situation to you. It has been years for me too, and I still haven't got over her. People say "with time, you'll get over it" or "time heals all wounds," yadayada, but it hasn't gone away after all this time. She has probably gone and married another guy, even had a kid or two (no idea), and I am tortured by the thought of it. I think of her every single day and I can't stop.
