qualityOV3Rquantity
Student
- Jul 27, 2024
- 191
I have IBS, irritable bowel syndrome. it's far from the worst chronic illness, but it affects my life every day and has changed my entire life since I was diagnosed. It's greatly worsened my depression too. The thing is, about a year after first being diagnosed, my IBS is quite 'under control'. I still have pain and discomfort every day, but I'm able to function - I work an online job, I go out with friends sometimes, I play piano, I read books, I live at home with my parents (although I'm in my mid-20s...) I eat as diverse a diet as I can tolerate. I'm on two medications - one for IBS and one for depression, and I think both of them help. I meditate and do breathing exercises that help reduce my anxiety. I go to church every week and do a biweekly Bible study. I could probably travel, so long as I plan in advance with my restrictive diet and medications.
And yet, it still feels like my life is over. I can't get rid of this horrible feeling that my life is forever worse than it was, that I'll never again be as healthy or feel as good as I did in the past (and I was passively suicidal even before my illness!). It feels so empty, like it's all pointless now that I'm chronically ill. And I feel like I have no certainty about the future - any day, my illness could just get worse for no reason and stay bad. So I feel like I can never get married or have kids, because I can't depend on my health to stay at this level and for me to remain functional. I know to a degree, this is true for everyone - even a perfectly healthy person could get cancer or get paralyzed in a car accident without warning, and their life would be forever changed too. But for me it feels much closer, much more likely - like I am slowly dying, rotting away, like I'm already living in a sort of 'palliative care', just maximizing my quality of life before my inevitable demise?
What can I do in my situation? What can I do to improve my health, mental or physical, and just to live a better life? I'm open to any suggestions really, no matter how crazy. I've even tried a carnivore diet for a few months previously, although I eventually went off it because it seemed to cause me fatigue and constipation. Just saying that to illustrate how open-minded I am about suggestions to improve my situation lol.
And yet, it still feels like my life is over. I can't get rid of this horrible feeling that my life is forever worse than it was, that I'll never again be as healthy or feel as good as I did in the past (and I was passively suicidal even before my illness!). It feels so empty, like it's all pointless now that I'm chronically ill. And I feel like I have no certainty about the future - any day, my illness could just get worse for no reason and stay bad. So I feel like I can never get married or have kids, because I can't depend on my health to stay at this level and for me to remain functional. I know to a degree, this is true for everyone - even a perfectly healthy person could get cancer or get paralyzed in a car accident without warning, and their life would be forever changed too. But for me it feels much closer, much more likely - like I am slowly dying, rotting away, like I'm already living in a sort of 'palliative care', just maximizing my quality of life before my inevitable demise?
What can I do in my situation? What can I do to improve my health, mental or physical, and just to live a better life? I'm open to any suggestions really, no matter how crazy. I've even tried a carnivore diet for a few months previously, although I eventually went off it because it seemed to cause me fatigue and constipation. Just saying that to illustrate how open-minded I am about suggestions to improve my situation lol.