Discussion Is it possible to be mentally healthy but also suicidal?

[Volomori83]

I've been active on this site for quite a while now and it has been a truly eye-opening experience. I've read many posts of people sharing their stories of what has brought them to this crossroads in their lives, and it got me to thinking just about why I've decided to end my life.

Most stories from others on here tend to involve a combination of physical or mental torment, upended lives, broken hearts etc. and it occurred to me that I don't seem to fit in to any of those brackets, but still my determination is still there; I want to die and I want to be the one to do it.

I've had a good life in my three (and some) decades. I've always been surrounded by loving family and friends. I enjoyed the surprises life had to throw at me (and still do) and I've never been particularly unhappy. Yes there've been downs in my life, tragedies and losses, but not any more than the average person. So what is it in me that has followed this path? Why am I so determined to die? The truth is, I don't know.

My waking day is consumed by my plans to self-terminate. I drive past wooded areas on my way to work and think "that looks like a good place to hang myself". I hear of people who have passed at their own doing and instead of feeling sad for them, I feel envious, I wonder how they did and whether their is something I could emulate.

I don't consider myself mentally ill but wanting to die can't be the will of someone who isn't surely? I don't feel depressed or eternally sad, but still suicide is always at the top of my mind. I read stories of people who delay death in order to try to attain something, aspire to something. For me there is nothing I want. I don't feel I've been dealt a bad hand in life but the idea of the continuation of my life is still near abhorrent to me.

So I put it to you good people I've come to know on here, why do you think someone like me could be so hellbent on dying? I don't feel irrational or unhinged. In fact I've always prided myself on being completely rational and pragmatic in every other aspect of my life. Can it be that I am being irrational on this? Am I being selfish in my desire to die? Is it actually possible to be healthy mentally and still be suicidal?

Nothing said following this is going to deter me from my goal, I'm simply curious what you all think about the points I've raised. If nothing else it may stir up a healthy discussion which may help others in a similar mindset to mine moving forward.

 

[Redt2go]

I didn't read your whole post but not all mental illness is debilitating... If everything is good in your life and you still want to ctb you likely have some mental illness

 

[Watcher]

I've been active on this site for quite a while now and it has been a truly eye-opening experience. I've read many posts of people sharing their stories of what has brought them to this crossroads in their lives, and it got me to thinking just about why I've decided to end my life.

Most stories from others on here tend to involve a combination of physical or mental torment, upended lives, broken hearts etc. and it occurred to me that I don't seem to fit in to any of those brackets, but still my determination is still there; I want to die and I want to be the one to do it.

I've had a good life in my three (and some) decades. I've always been surrounded by loving family and friends. I enjoyed the surprises life had to throw at me (and still do) and I've never been particularly unhappy. Yes there've been downs in my life, tragedies and losses, but not any more than the average person. So what is it in me that has followed this path? Why am I so determined to die? The truth is, I don't know.

My waking day is consumed by my plans to self-terminate. I drive past wooded areas on my way to work and think "that looks like a good place to hang myself". I hear of people who have passed at their own doing and instead of feeling sad for them, I feel envious, I wonder how they did and whether their is something I could emulate.

I don't consider myself mentally ill but wanting to die can't be the will of someone who isn't surely? I don't feel depressed or eternally sad, but still suicide is always at the top of my mind. I read stories of people who delay death in order to try to attain something, aspire to something. For me there is nothing I want. I don't feel I've been dealt a bad hand in life but the idea of the continuation of my life is still near abhorrent to me.

So I put it to you good people I've come to know on here, why do you think someone like me could be so hellbent on dying? I don't feel irrational or unhinged. In fact I've always prided myself on being completely rational and pragmatic in every other aspect of my life. Can it be that I am being irrational on this? Am I being selfish in my desire to die? Is it actually possible to be healthy mentally and still be suicidal?

Nothing said following this is going to deter me from my goal, I'm simply curious what you all think about the points I've raised. If nothing else it may stir up a healthy discussion which may help others in a similar mindset to mine moving forward.

I don't know men, but it could happen. I've heard of people like you in a documentary, they were just tired of life or they were feeling like their purpose here was already done... But you could try to go with a psychiatrist before you ctb, there's a therapy called logotherapy. It's a mix between psychology and philosophy. Maybe, you could try to read whatever book of philosophy, I think you're not as far as you think. Maybe you just need to force yourself to take another step in a different way.

 

[Volomori83]

I don't know men, but it could happen. I've heard of people like you in a documentary, they were just tired of life or they were feeling like their purpose here was already done... But you could try to go with a psychiatrist before you ctb, there's a therapy called logotherapy. It's a mix between psychology and philosophy. Maybe, you could try to read whatever book of philosophy, I think you're not as far as you think. Maybe you just need to force yourself to take another step in a different way.

Hey thanks for that.

I get what you're saying about taking a step in a different direction, but that would require a will or desire to want to do so. I have been reading a lot of philosophy as of late and to be honest, doing so has helped me to accept my death and helped frame my mind for accepting to carry out the act of suicide. Philosophy has taught me that I am a unique entity in this universe, with a will of my own and an ability to control my own destiny. I feel as though that is exactly what I'm doing.

I do feel that my time is nearing an end, that life holds nothing more for me to want to experience. I know that that sounds like such a downer, but to my mind it isn't, it just feels natural.

 

[Edrudd]

You can be mentally healthy but life fucked you over like me

 

[Taylor]

I've been active on this site for quite a while now and it has been a truly eye-opening experience. I've read many posts of people sharing their stories of what has brought them to this crossroads in their lives, and it got me to thinking just about why I've decided to end my life.

Most stories from others on here tend to involve a combination of physical or mental torment, upended lives, broken hearts etc. and it occurred to me that I don't seem to fit in to any of those brackets, but still my determination is still there; I want to die and I want to be the one to do it.

I've had a good life in my three (and some) decades. I've always been surrounded by loving family and friends. I enjoyed the surprises life had to throw at me (and still do) and I've never been particularly unhappy. Yes there've been downs in my life, tragedies and losses, but not any more than the average person. So what is it in me that has followed this path? Why am I so determined to die? The truth is, I don't know.

My waking day is consumed by my plans to self-terminate. I drive past wooded areas on my way to work and think "that looks like a good place to hang myself". I hear of people who have passed at their own doing and instead of feeling sad for them, I feel envious, I wonder how they did and whether their is something I could emulate.

I don't consider myself mentally ill but wanting to die can't be the will of someone who isn't surely? I don't feel depressed or eternally sad, but still suicide is always at the top of my mind. I read stories of people who delay death in order to try to attain something, aspire to something. For me there is nothing I want. I don't feel I've been dealt a bad hand in life but the idea of the continuation of my life is still near abhorrent to me.

So I put it to you good people I've come to know on here, why do you think someone like me could be so hellbent on dying? I don't feel irrational or unhinged. In fact I've always prided myself on being completely rational and pragmatic in every other aspect of my life. Can it be that I am being irrational on this? Am I being selfish in my desire to die? Is it actually possible to be healthy mentally and still be suicidal?

Nothing said following this is going to deter me from my goal, I'm simply curious what you all think about the points I've raised. If nothing else it may stir up a healthy discussion which may help others in a similar mindset to mine moving forward.

I know I'm mentally ill and not the same person I used to be, as it hinders my ability to be the happy and successful person I used to be in life. However, I don't feel that that is what's driving me to suicide, I feel that my rational true self is governing that decision, as I realize that my mental illness and my true self are two entirely separate entities. I hope I'm making sense lol. So yes, I believe a completely stable, mentally healthy person can make a rational and justified decision to end their own life. I have many reasons for wanting to end mine, and another example of the rational mindset of my true self making this decision, is the thought that even if I could erase the trauma from my mind that caused me to become mentally ill in the first place, and I felt like my normal self again, I'd still want to end it due to the overwhelming amount of chronic pain I'm in. So in a nutshell, I feel like all of my "illnesses", reasons, and desires to ctb are just branches off of my true self, who's contemplating it from a completely logical standpoint.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

Society considers being suicidal a mental illness, no matter what the reason is. I have a chronic disease, no family, no way to support myself and will be homeless soon. To me, this is a rational and logical reason to ctb, but if I fail, I will surely be sent for psychiatric treatment.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I think about this a lot. I'm also someone who doesn't have an obvious and compelling reason to want to die, yet it crosses my mind dozens, if not hundreds of times per day.

When comparing the complete non being of death to anything I can foresee my life becoming–even the realistic best case scenarios–I still prefer death. I don't think that's irrational, I just think it goes against the grain in our radically pro life culture.

This video may be valuable to you:

 

[Prénom Surnom]

Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. Suicide is not socially acceptable and even in the few places that allow euthanasia; you have to be "approved:" for it.

 

[JWL]

I know I'm mentally ill and not the same person I used to be, as it hinders my ability to be the happy and successful person I used to be in life. However, I don't feel that that is what's driving me to suicide, I feel that my rational true self is governing that decision, as I realize that my mental illness and my true self are two entirely separate entities. I hope I'm making sense lol. So yes, I believe a completely stable, mentally healthy person can make a rational and justified decision to end their own life. I have many reasons for wanting to end mine, and another example of the rational mindset of my true self making this decision, is the thought that even if I could erase the trauma from my mind that caused me to become mentally ill in the first place, and I felt like my normal self again, I'd still want to end it due to the overwhelming amount of chronic pain I'm in. So in a nutshell, I feel like all of my "illnesses", reasons, and desires to ctb are just branches off of my true self, who's contemplating it from a completely logical standpoint.

Your situation has some similarities with mine. Mine is a purely rational decision based on various circumstances which make continuing with this life not an option. I regret that it's come to this, as there are still many things in life I would like to try, and I'm not in the 'I hate life' category, which seems quite common here. So, a long-thought out and rational decision (although of course not to say without its share of deep emotions. It's a rational decision, but hardly an easy one.). I actually love life, if that doesn't sound too weird, and look forward to coming back and trying again.

 

[Roberto]

Psychic illness/health sometimes isn't a true or false matter, but something with more lectures.
In my case I would say there is nothing that attachs me to the life. No job no family, no love, no religion.
Going to psychologist would help I think to know why

 

[Taylor]

Your situation has some similarities with mine. Mine is a purely rational decision based on various circumstances which make continuing with this life not an option. I regret that it's come to this, as there are still many things in life I would like to try, and I'm not in the 'I hate life' category, which seems quite common here. So, a long-thought out and rational decision (although of course not to say without its share of deep emotions. It's a rational decision, but hardly an easy one.). I actually love life, if that doesn't sound too weird, and look forward to coming back and trying again.

Everything you just said here perfectly describes my stance as well, I absolutely loved my life and still do. I've just reached a point where I've become so trapped, in my mind, and in my body, that this is the only logical thing left I can do for myself. I also regret very deeply that it's come to this, but I'm a true believer in Christ and am excited for my eternal fate. (Not to press religion on anyone but I see so many atheists here and it saddens me). I love myself and would never want to come back and be anyone else.

 

[JWL]

Psychic illness/health sometimes isn't a true or false matter, but something with more lectures.
In my case I would say there is nothing that attachs me to the life. No job no family, no love, no religion.
Going to psychologist would help I think to know why

I'm very sceptical about psychologists. I can't see how trying to squeeze into this or that theory the mindblowing complexity of (troubled) minds can possibly work. Some of the issues I have in my situation I can hardly articulate to myself, so I can't imagine what I could do with shrink.

 

[JWL]

I love myself and would never want to come back and be anyone else.

Ha ha, that's what you said the last time you were here....

 

[JWL]

but if I fail, I will surely be sent for psychiatric treatment.

Look on the bright side, though - at least you won't be homeless any more...:-)

 

[Prénom Surnom]

Look on the bright side, though - at least you won't be homeless any more...:-)

I don't think it's funny to make jokes about someone's misery. Best of luck to you.

 

[deflagrat]

Look on the bright side, though - at least you won't be homeless any more...:-)

Oh great, because being in a psych ward is very fun: stripped from your freedom, with hospital clothes, barely any food, and nothing to do.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Is it actually possible to be healthy mentally and still be suicidal?

It is possible. Because everyone even the mentally good/healthy bears problems that they try to solve or hide even from the majority of people. Sometimes, mentally healthy people are prone to defense mechanisms and this is where they begin to change and be, well, the opposite of healthy. Now, are you sure that you are not using any defense mechanism?

 

[Maomao]

I love life, I think there is so much to live for and beautiful things in this world my problem is myself- I've gone against morals and values I held very important and I'm struggling to be ...myself , that's what's killing me inside and makes me want to end it...

 

[Volomori83]

It is possible. Because everyone even the mentally good/healthy bears problems that they try to solve or hide even from the majority of people. Sometimes, mentally healthy people are prone to defense mechanisms and this is where they begin to change and be, well, the opposite of healthy. Now, are you sure that you are not using any defense mechanism?

Thanks for that. I don't suppose I could answer definitively except to say that suicide wouldn't really be a defence mechanism. I'm not knowingly trying to hide anything in my life, I'm not sad or angry about anything that I can think of. A defence mechanism tends to be about protecting yourself from something. Suicide would work contrary to that I'd have thought.

 

[Roberto]

There are illness & disorders, also. Disorders aren't considered an illness. Obsesive - Compulsive disorder is not an illness.

"Psychologists define a psychological disorder broadly as psychological dysfunction in an individual that is associated with distress or impairment and a reaction that is not culturally expected."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/what-is-psychological-disorder

 

[Gray Wounds]

Thanks for that. I don't suppose I could answer definitively except to say that suicide wouldn't really be a defence mechanism. I'm not knowingly trying to hide anything in my life, I'm not sad or angry about anything that I can think of. A defence mechanism tends to be about protecting yourself from something. Suicide would work contrary to that I'd have thought.

Indeed. Suicide is not a defence mechanism. What I mean to say by asking you about your defence mechanism is that perhaps, you're trying to suppress something, or deny something. I'm not talking about your suicidal tendency, I am talking about how you could've possibly gotten it.

 

[Lonely Twin Angel]

I agree with Redt2Go. Not every mental illness is gonna keep you in bed or make you want to isolate yourself. Mental illness can be sneaky. You can still go out and enjoy things and be really high functioning and still be suicidal. You dont have to fall perfectly in line to be a part of the line.
Do you know if mental illness runs in your family? Or is there something in particular now or in the past that you want to escape from?
In my opinion, nothing has to specifically wrong or have gone wrong in your life to feel pushed to the edge and reaching your limits....

 

[Volomori83]

Indeed. Suicide is not a defence mechanism. What I mean to say by asking you about your defence mechanism is that perhaps, you're trying to suppress something, or deny something. I'm not talking about your suicidal tendency, I am talking about how you could've possibly gotten it.

If there is something I'm trying to suppress then it is hidden deep, deep down. It's an interesting thought to consider all the same. Generally I'm content with how my life has panned out, yes I have regrets but nothing, I know of, that is suppressive.

 

[Volomori83]

I agree with Redt2Go. Not every mental illness is gonna keep you in bed or make you want to isolate yourself. Mental illness can be sneaky. You can still go out and enjoy things and be really high functioning and still be suicidal. You dont have to fall perfectly in line to be a part of the line.
Do you know if mental illness runs in your family? Or is there something in particular now or in the past that you want to escape from?
In my opinion, nothing has to specifically wrong or have gone wrong in your life to feel pushed to the edge and reaching your limits....

The thing is I don't feel I've been pushed to my limits. My decision to die has come about as naturally as deciding what to have for dinner. Life holds no interest for me whatsoever, through no specific event or confluence of events. Mental illness doesn't run in my family that I know of, of course I don't know all strands of my family so it's likely there is somewhere, but I'm sure the same could be said for almost anybody, if they look deep enough.

 

[Rollo]

For me there is nothing I want. I don't feel I've been dealt a bad hand in life but the idea of the continuation of my life is still near abhorrent to me.

So I put it to you good people I've come to know on here, why do you think someone like me could be so hellbent on dying? I don't feel irrational or unhinged. In fact I've always prided myself on being completely rational and pragmatic in every other aspect of my life. Can it be that I am being irrational on this? Am I being selfish in my desire to die? Is it actually possible to be healthy mentally and still be suicidal?

I don't think you can be trully mentally healthy and consider suicide for non-physical reasons. This apathetic state you describe as existing in - it's hardly mentally healthy. Not necessarily by official standards, but definitely by mine. Since you're saying continuation of your life is abhorrent to you, then you basically saying your current life is abhorrent to you. To the point of you wishing to end it. Nothing particullary irrational about it unless you believe by suicide you will end up in a more exciting place. Whether or not you're being selfish is only up to you to decide.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

@Volomori83 very interesting question OP.
I find myself in a similar boat to you. I couldn't give you a reason or describe something bad that's happened in my life to push me to this point. I have generally just lost interest / the will and energy to put effort into life.
I generally don't see a point in it. Naturally people have goals / life plans they want to achieve but I've enjoyed my life up to a point and have always done as I pleased so now I'm content in ending it.

It's hard convincing the people around you when they don't see things the same way you do, but they know I have a pre determined date in mind and hopefully they will grow in time to accept it.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

@Volomori83 very interesting question OP.
I find myself in a similar boat to you. I couldn't give you a reason or describe something bad that's happened in my life to push me to this point. I have generally just lost interest / the will and energy to put effort into life.
I generally don't see a point in it. Naturally people have goals / life plans they want to achieve but I've enjoyed my life up to a point and have always done as I pleased so now I'm content in ending it.

It's hard convincing the people around you when they don't see things the same way you do, but they know I have a pre determined date in mind and hopefully they will grow in time to accept it.

I think that's the real problem; not everybody sees things the same way. Just because some people think suicide is wrong, doesn't mean that it's wrong for everyone.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

I think that's the real problem; not everybody sees things the same way. Just because some people think suicide is wrong, doesn't mean that it's wrong for everyone.

Well said, although people seeing things differently is not necessarily a problem as that's what makes them unique. It's just the vast majority are not as open minded to take on board people's opinions and try to understand them. They believe that things should be a certain way and that's it.

 

[DivorceIsMyWhy]

Society considers being suicidal a mental illness, no matter what the reason is. I have a chronic disease, no family, no way to support myself and will be homeless soon. To me, this is a rational and logical reason to ctb, but if I fail, I will surely be sent for psychiatric treatment.

And then you would have a home and "family"?! Funny how life always works out for the best.