Is it inevitable for a porn addict to never enjoy real sex?

[Ambivalent1]

I've had sex before and I was attracted to them.
It was always disappointing. I didn't know porn moaning is mostly fake. It's one of the best things about porn.

 

[Againstthewind]

The answer that question is yes, when you watch pornographic material, you're essentially rewiring your brain to expect sex in the same type of way of the scenes that you see in Porn. The body types, the situations, and as you mentioned the moaning which is unrealistic. Porn essentially ruins your intimacy because you have come to expect sex in the way that porn presents to you, but the only person that affects is you. If you are someone who doesn't like to be intimate or is maybe alone it can be something that can help in releasing tension and stress and other things lol. But in the long run you are affecting your level of intimacy and what you expect from sex because of the connotations of pornography.

I can't just tell you to quit because one you got to want to and two, who am I to tell you what to do. You must think about what intimacy for you is what is it you like, what is it you want from sex. I'm not coming from an all pornography is bad blah blah blah, but especially in men, what you have to consider is, it's not about what's real and what isn't real, of course we know their actors, it's in a studio, they start and stop, it seems quite frankly a very difficult business. But it affects your expectations from women and your expectations of what the sex is going to be.

Giving up or at least reducing your consumption of pornography will at least help you to figure out enjoying sex for what it is, which is the connection between two people not someone picking you up and having sex with you upside down while I don't know an aeroplane flies by I don't know weird shit like that.

 

[Ambivalent1]

The answer that question is yes, when you watch pornographic material, you're essentially rewiring your brain to expect sex in the same type of way of the scenes that you see in Porn. The body types, the situations, and as you mentioned the moaning which is unrealistic. Porn essentially ruins your intimacy because you have come to expect sex in the way that porn presents to you, but the only person that affects is you. If you are someone who doesn't like to be intimate or is maybe alone it can be something that can help in releasing tension and stress and other things lol. But in the long run you are affecting your level of intimacy and what you expect from sex because of the connotations of pornography.

I can't just tell you to quit because one you got to want to and two, who am I to tell you what to do. You must think about what intimacy for you is what is it you like, what is it you want from sex. I'm not coming from an all pornography is bad blah blah blah, but especially in men, what you have to consider is, it's not about what's real and what isn't real, of course we know their actors, it's in a studio, they start and stop, it seems quite frankly a very difficult business. But it affects your expectations from women and your expectations of what the sex is going to be.

Giving up or at least reducing your consumption of pornography will at least help you to figure out enjoying sex for what it is, which is the connection between two people not someone picking you up and having sex with you upside down while I don't know an aeroplane flies by I don't know weird shit like that.

I don't care for "connection" or lasting bonds that lead to the production of a family. Child abuse ruined that for me. I just want hot sex.

 

[Bobbylobby]

I don't care for "connection" or lasting bonds that lead to the production of a family. Child abuse ruined that for me. I just want hot sex.

Intimacy is half the enjoyment, doing it with someone you truly love and someone who you don't is radically different my friend

 

[Ambivalent1]

Intimacy is half the enjoyment, doing it with someone you truly love and someone who you don't is radically different my friend

Ive never been capable of loving anyone but my childhood pet. So I'll never enjoy sex even if I'm really turned on?

 

[Bobbylobby]

Ive never been capable of loving anyone but my childhood pet. So I'll never enjoy sex even if I'm really turned on?

I mean you might, I hope you do in fact, I'm just saying your not gonna enjoy it to its fullest and it'll only make you feel even lonelier afterwards

 

[Ambivalent1]

I mean you might, I hope you do in fact, I'm just saying your not gonna enjoy it to its fullest and it'll only make you feel even lonelier afterwards

I wish prostitution were legal, not the street kind. I'd exhaust my craving for sex and be free from it. St Augustine said something like "I want to be chaste but not yet" lol

 

[never mind me]

Maybe travel to a country (or even live there) where prostitution is legal, if you have the means to do so.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

It's a very slippery slope. Porn addiction escalates and you seek out more extreme forms of it to get off. It creates unrealistic expectations and is nowhere near an accurate representation of what most women want out of a sexual encounter.

For me, it became vanilla and boring because they weren't into the same shit as me. It made me infinitely more isolated in the long run. It's something I'm working on.

 

[foreverfalling]

Maybe sex was never as good as you thought it was to begin with, porn or not. If porn can rewire your brain and put unrealistic expectations of what sex actually is, then movies can do the same for things like love and intimacy. Sex is just one way of stimulating the reward centre of the brain. Watching too much tv and youtube, eating too much junk food, playing video games will do the same thing. Too much sex and sex itself will be boring too. Our brains are fucked one way or another. Perhaps then the only way to enjoy sex is to have a pristine virgin brain that isn't fucked by anything.

 

[SexyIncél]

I've had sex before and I was attracted to them.
It was always disappointing. I didn't know porn moaning is mostly fake. It's one of the best things about porn.

There's useful aspects of porn, but porn necessarily gets it all wrong in the biological department. Because it's for the audience's pleasure — not the performers'. When I learn from porn, I just account for the differences

When with a girl, might be useful to look for her subtle moaning/gasping. Like it's a secret passionate prayer to your dark god you unleashed into her. Her orgasms are subtle; you may not think she came on you — even if she in fact did 3 times. You may discover it more by noticing that her tension's released. You need to see the invisible

Porn actor Stirling Cooper's a good source on such matters

 

[Ambivalent1]

There's useful aspects of porn, but porn necessarily gets it all wrong in the biological department. Because it's for the audience's pleasure — not the performers'. When I learn from porn, I just account for the differences

When with a girl, might be useful to look for her subtle moaning/gasping. Like it's a secret passionate prayer to your dark god you unleashed into her. Her orgasms are subtle; you may not think she came on you — even if she in fact did 3 times. You may discover it more by noticing that her tension's released. You need to see the invisible

Porn actor Stirling Cooper's a good source on such matters

Subtle sex sounds terrible.

 

[SexyIncél]

Subtle sex sounds terrible.

Oh well

 

[Ambivalent1]

Oh well

But that's the norm?

 

[SexyIncél]

But that's the norm?

Isn't that the premise of this thread? That girls you're boinking aren't yelling like your hair's on fire?

But I suppose you could induce loudness in quieter gals. By getting her to rather subconsciously reciprocate your loudness... maybe do a sort of call-and-response. A hotel room might incentivize her to be loud for others to hear. Which often triggers neighboring couples to reciprocate

Could be a fun science experiment. I suppose you could also ask someone like Stirling Cooper for tips

 

[Ambivalent1]

Isn't that the premise of this thread? That girls you're boinking aren't yelling like your hair's on fire?

But I suppose you could induce loudness in quieter gals. By getting her to rather subconsciously reciprocate your loudness... maybe do a sort of call-and-response. A hotel room might incentivize her to be loud for others to hear. Which often then triggers neighboring couples to reciprocate

Could be a fun science experiment. I suppose you could also ask someone like Stirling Cooper for tips

Others say their partners were loud. Are those the more outgoing women? I always ended up with the shy, quiet ones.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe they're being quiet because they don't want to disturb others. I'm presuming you live alone. If you don't though- or, the walls to the neighbours are thin- maybe they're holding back. . Not that I want to insult you but- they are reaching orgasm I presume? Prudish I know but I've only done the one player version and I can't help but yelp at the end. Lol. I don't know, maybe you could ask them to be a bit more vocal. Still- I guess you might worry they were faking it then. I think lots of women do fake it.

 

[SexyIncél]

I don't know, maybe you could ask them to be a bit more vocal.

Yeah, explicit communication is probably better than my indirect ideas :P

 

[Amelie]

Plenty of women are loud having sex, I feel like letting out your feelings vocally while fucking is such a release.. it's a primal thing.
I watch a lot of porn but mainly stuff that's homemade or amateur. But still of course the women are faking enjoyment. Like seriously we don't cum the moment someone starts pounding away!
But I guess if you're looking for sex which is more along the lines of a one night stand with no commitment, you probably won't get to know their body well enough be able to give them the mind blowing orgasms which come from familiarity, knowing how someone likes to be touched, where their g-spot is etc. That's the best way to get someone screaming your name seriously..

 

[Ambivalent1]

Plenty of women are loud having sex, I feel like letting out your feelings vocally while fucking is such a release.. it's a primal thing.
I watch a lot of porn but mainly stuff that's homemade or amateur. But still of course the women are faking enjoyment. Like seriously we don't cum the moment someone starts pounding away!
But I guess if you're looking for sex which is more along the lines of a one night stand with no commitment, you probably won't get to know their body well enough be able to give them the mind blowing orgasms which come from familiarity, knowing how someone likes to be touched, where their g-spot is etc. That's the best way to get someone screaming your name seriously..

That's interesting and impossible for me because that implies a relationship. I'm on disability and not a good relationship match so I'm stuck with hookups which I avoid because I fear STDs and pregnancy. It's fucked

 

[theslasher]

If you're addicted to porn then it'll be easy to base your expectations of real sex on an unrealistic standard, which will lead you to not enjoy sex. Some people watch soo much porn that they can't even get hard with their real life partner and need to watch porn first to get going. It's sad. If you are a porn addict, and you become desensitized, it will 100% become less enjoyable, not only the porn itself but sex as well. The more you watch porn, the less special it is. Same with sex, the more you do it and the more people you do it with, the less special it becomes. And you just keep on chasing a high, but that finish line keeps moving further and further back. Do not chase a feeling, feelings are fleeting, they are not permanent. If you do it for the sole reason of experiencing pleasure, you defeat the whole purpose of sex. Sex is a beautiful thing, other than procreation, it's a way that us humans show love to one another. Porn on the other hand, is just a means to satisfy our reptilian brain, a way to experience dopamine. You are better than that. Your life will be better if you kill this addiction to porn.

 

[Stormy Raine]

Nobody has "porn sex!" it's very pleasing to watch but I doubt you will find many women or men that are willing to go those extra miles they do in porn lol

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

TL;DR I watch a lot of porn and disagree.

Ehhhhhhhhh

I wouldn't call myself a porn addict but I'm sure many people reading this who don't know me IRL would. I'm not even going to lie, I'm even kinda open with my friends with porn. Sometimes they bring it upon themselves though, like using my computer or phone without permission and eventually finding stuff that I don't even try to hide because, well, it's my stuff. But I have paid for porn a couple of times and I do have some saved on a hard drive and on my PC. I do have "categories" I prefer and yes, that emoji under my profile does mean I'm a furry.

I think the word "pornographic" has its own connotation of exaggeration and being excessive in its goals. "Food porn" is the same, it's unrealistic standards on photos and plates of food.

But that's the thing. Just because mom's or my cooking is nowhere near as flashy or fancy as what Instagram might show what food could look like, means that I don't like old regular degular food. If you can separate the porn from reality, the fake tits, the exaggerated proportions and camera angles, and silly storylines, and take it for what it is, pornographic material, I think it's okay.

So, I think I can enjoy (a lot of) porn and still keep expectations in check and have healthy sex. There are somethings I was put off in porn because I thought they were a bit hardcore until lo and behold it happened to me. I've had sex with only one woman that was very vocal and it was even confusing at first hearing my name because my instinct was to stop and listen to what they were going to say, as if they were asking for my attention.

As @Amelie said, I do agree that going the more amateur/homemade route does show a more realistic, even if not perfect, view of sex. Porn studios are more and more a thing of the past and indie and solo/duo creators are finding their spaces which is real cool. And I have even seen some couple's videos that was just them having a good chill time with no pressure, and those kinds of videos can be real special. (Homemade Shibari has some intimate, female-focused stuff)

And yeah, getting to know your partner slowly, over multiple nights, does wonders to sex. Or even just having one partner long term. If you throw out the male-focused porn shenanigans and focus on both yours and your partners pleasure, you will be a better lover with anyone else just by that alone. Asking and listening and paying attention goes a long way.

 

[Ambivalent1]

If you're addicted to porn then it'll be easy to base your expectations of real sex on an unrealistic standard, which will lead you to not enjoy sex. Some people watch soo much porn that they can't even get hard with their real life partner and need to watch porn first to get going. It's sad. If you are a porn addict, and you become desensitized, it will 100% become less enjoyable, not only the porn itself but sex as well. The more you watch porn, the less special it is. Same with sex, the more you do it and the more people you do it with, the less special it becomes. And you just keep on chasing a high, but that finish line keeps moving further and further back. Do not chase a feeling, feelings are fleeting, they are not permanent. If you do it for the sole reason of experiencing pleasure, you defeat the whole purpose of sex. Sex is a beautiful thing, other than procreation, it's a way that us humans show love to one another. Porn on the other hand, is just a means to satisfy our reptilian brain, a way to experience dopamine. You are better than that. Your life will be better if you kill this addiction to porn.

What do i replace porn with if relationships aren't an option? I'm on disability, though it's not an obvious one. Women reject me when I tell them.

Nobody has "porn sex!" it's very pleasing to watch but I doubt you will find many women or men that are willing to go those extra miles they do in porn lol

So people just do missionary style? I'm great at sex because I have some variation of bpd and can go the extra mile.

 

[theslasher]

What do i replace porn with if relationships aren't an option? I'm on disability, though it's not an obvious one. Women reject me when I tell them.

Oh wow I am sorry about that. I am not sure what your disability is specifically so it's hard to say exactly what you should replace it with. There was another guy who had a condition where he could not have sex at all and I told him that it wouldn't even matter if he was dating someone who was asexual. In that relationship, even with that condition it'd make no difference. If you have a similar condition then I would say the same.

But in general, I'd say porn is nothing like sex. It's just a way to experience dopamine. It's a very unhealthy habit. Luckily there are many other habits / hobbies that are perfectly healthy for your body psychically, mentally and emotionally. As for which habit your replace this bad habit with, that's up to you. Whenever you get the urge to watch it, just breath, focus on your breath, be present. Then do something else that does not drain you, but is also something you enjoy.

Also if you ever were to read a book I'd recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear, I could not recommend that book enough.

 

[SpaceBoyEvangef]

If you have trauma involving the sort, yes, I personally have never had sex yet, but I don't think I want to, everything seems so repulsive now.

 

[angeldestruction]

you'll really never have enjoyable sex until you get over your obsession with it

 

[Ambivalent1]

Oh wow I am sorry about that. I am not sure what your disability is specifically so it's hard to say exactly what you should replace it with. There was another guy who had a condition where he could not have sex at all and I told him that it wouldn't even matter if he was dating someone who was asexual. In that relationship, even with that condition it'd make no difference. If you have a similar condition then I would say the same.

But in general, I'd say porn is nothing like sex. It's just a way to experience dopamine. It's a very unhealthy habit. Luckily there are many other habits / hobbies that are perfectly healthy for your body psychically, mentally and emotionally. As for which habit your replace this bad habit with, that's up to you. Whenever you get the urge to watch it, just breath, focus on your breath, be present. Then do something else that does not drain you, but is also something you enjoy.

Also if you ever were to read a book I'd recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear, I could not recommend that book enough.

I have ocd. I could have sex.

If you have trauma involving the sort, yes, I personally have never had sex yet, but I don't think I want to, everything seems so repulsive now.

I have childhood trauma and I've noticed during sex that i feel weak and zone out even if before it starts I'm excited and full of energy. I haven't had sex in years though so it could be different now.

you'll really never have enjoyable sex until you get over your obsession with it

Why? Isn't amateur porn real sex? Looks good sometimes if they're experienced.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

TL;DR Porn sexuality and irl sexuality aren't inherently the same and you may enjoy things with real sex that you don't enjoy in porn or vice versa

I've been watching porn for half my life at this point, I've been gooning since like 2014,
I've been down some pretty deep holes with porn, and sexuality, and gender, and I feel like I might have something worth saying.

Porn isn't real. At some point recently I was introduced to the idea of 'Porn World' which is basically studio porn, everything is bright, sunny, everyone is hot and wants to fuck, and ever since I've heard the term it's really stuck with me. It was also conceived, to my knowledge, before studio porn really was a thing. Porn World, I think at least, is the thing that gets people hooked, and it is something that we do interface with because real sex is way different.

I think we have to interface with Porn World, and I have a couple different examples from my past: cuck porn. Typical porn world fantasy tells us that men who watch (which I was at the time) want to be the guys fucking the hot girl, but cuck porn exists and is popular enough to be sustainable. Irl I didn't want to be cucked, but the way I interfaced with 'Porn World' made cuck porn the choice at the time.

Now fast forward to modern day, I have a much healthier sex life and still watch porn several times a week, sometimes for hours at a time. I watch mostly studio stuff, with really intense camera angles, set designs, outfits, just maximum hyperstimuli. I'm a trans woman who's mostly attracted to girls, and trans men, but the porn I'm watching is made for cishet men by cishet men. The only way I can resolve this difference is to think that the way I interface with my real life sexuality and the way I interface with porn world is not inherently the same.

It might be worth considering your preferences for porn and preferences for irl sex completely separate sexual identities.

 

[borderline-feline]

Porn addiction isn't actually recognized as a real thing outside of religious extremism circles. Porn doesn't affect the brain in the ways that many people seem to think it does. It really has the same kind of impact as watching regular movies. Porn isn't meant to be a realistic representation of sex. It's all about the fantasy. Its possible that it could cause unrealistic expectations, resulting in being disappointed with the reality of sex, but you really won't know unless you try it.