I think she's probably right in that it's more 'natural' for us as a species to be social and depend upon one another.
However, I also think you have to be incredibly lucky in life to be surrounded by people you can reliably depend on. I suspect a lot of people learn to depend on themselves because depending on others hasn't worked out well!
I've been let down by both family and friends via all sorts of ways. Sometimes beyond their control- they died! Sometimes they prioritised their own needs or others over mine. Sometimes, it was just simply that I haven't really 'clicked' with a group of people- despite wanting to. I think the lessons we get from being abandoned or rejected can absolutely convince us that people can't be trusted/ relied upon.
If we continue to open our hearts up and get let down time and time again, what are we realistically going to do? It's bordering stupidity to keep trusting people, relying on them, becoming emotionally dependent on them, only for them to keep disappointing and hurting us.
Plus, the video neglects to take into account different personalities. Surely, there are some people who are very prone to just taking or being unreliable. Plus, there are others who are naturally drawn to those sorts of people- maybe a parent was like that. Maybe that's what they associate love with. It won't benefit them to keep being drawn to people who will ultimately let them down or hurt them.
I suppose the difference in the wild is that maybe these tribes of animals literally have to rely on one another for their own survival. I guess, survival and success is the goal of all animals. The trouble with humans is, we've worked out it may benefit us to put our own needs first. We may just do it subconsciously even.
I suppose I just find the video too simplistic. It assumes that the majority of people are worth taking that risk on. Worth becoming dependent on. I'm not sure they are. I've known some lovely people in life. Doesn't mean they are dependable! Especially once they have their own families.
I'm not very dependable either. I maybe have been in the past but, I've also learnt it's better to realise you can only rely on yourself. So, as people have abandoned me, I've abandoned them in return. I'd hate to be dependent on someone now. I'm pretty lucky in that I don't tend to suffer with loneliness. In fact, I crave alone time.
Sometimes, I wonder if I could have been different. It sometimes lifts me to have a nice coversation with someone. My happiest times probably have been spent with others. Having said that, the very worst times have always been associated with others also!
Grief because I've lost them. Hurt because of unpleasant words or actions. Rejection, insecurity, longing. Nah- there's likely been more bad than good overall otherwise- I wouldn't feel the way I do.
It may not be healthy to be a 'lone wolf' but, I feel that what she's aiming for is a very different world. The whole population would need to change to become more open and reliable. I think, trying to work with what we have now wouldn't likely work out so well for many of us.
I suppose I think she may be right emotionally but I think, practically it's not all that realistic necessarily. I didn't really go for some of the arguments either. Ok, we depend on others growing our food and selling it to us. Still- those people didn't turn out for work for us! They're doing it for a paycheque! The capitalist, consumerist world isn't a friendly, family one. It's about exploitation. It's mostly benefiting those at the very top.
I suppose personally, I've found my own comfort level. I would agree that it's hard to live as an island. I'd say I wasn't a social person but, I really value this place and I do value the very few relationships/ friendships I've sustained.
Here though, is an interesting setup. There's some socialising but with less dependency- being anonymous. Even here though, I've say, enjoyed PM-ing a member on a regular basis only for them to disappear. So- I try now to not expect things from people. I just try to be grateful for what they are wanting to share but, don't count on it always being there. Sadly, I find that the safest way to enjoy all relationships really. It does feel sad because, I've lost my willingness to trust but, it feels so much safer that way. I'm much calmer as a result.
I think there absolutely are codependent relationships too. Maybe not all relationships are but some surely are. I'd say that someone that is so dependent on another for their sense of worth, purpose, their emotional wellness, it surely puts them in an incredibly vulnerable position. Ok if their partner or whoever is a good, reliable person and, doesn't leave or die before them but otherwise- they're whole equilibrium relies on this other person. Which isn't actually going to be easy for that other person to live with necessarily either. How can they be free to express differences of opinion etc. if they know they'll deeply upset the other?
I just think as a species, we are pretty complex. Maybe overall, we're designed to be sociable. Still, there are so many nuances to our personalities now. I think some people who are attracted to mismatched others can absolutely end up more miserable than if they'd either stayed alone or made better choices. So- someone with say abandonment issues is going to struggle a person with a personality that makes them blow hot and cold. It's like- the nuances in each of their personalities is likely to trigger the other. Maybe we ought to be more sociable but I think we need to be mindful about how we do that. Otherwise, we'll absolutely end up getting hurt, which will put us off people further.
It's maybe most important to try and analyse what each relationship is and appeciate it for that, without expecting more. As in- what does this mean to them/ me? What are we willing to give to it? What won't we be willing to give to it? Are we both ok with that?
