Discussion Is it fucked up that I won’t even be living past 20 years old?

[anonymousapple]

I'm just curious because anytime I've tried venting about my problems I do hear a lot about "you're so young, you have so much stuff you can do"

 

[Close_to_freedom]

That is pretty young actually. Young people are impulsive. That doesn't mesh well with ctb.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That is pretty young actually. Young people are impulsive. That doesn't mesh well with ctb.

So OP is automatically impulsive because of age and can't possibly have thought this out?

If OP has been venting to others, then reason dictates it's not an impulse.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

So OP is automatically impulsive because of age and can't possibly have thought this out?

If OP has been venting to others, then reason dictates it's not an impulse.

The brain isn't fully developed until 25. Ctb before your brain is finished is like flipping the game board.

Anyway an impulse can happen regardless if you've planned. I have a plan, but maybe tomorrow i'll be in so much pain that running in front of a car seems like a good idea.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Anyway...

@anonymousapple, I think there are a couple of issues here: the condemnatory value judgment of "fucked up," and others deflecting by focusing on your age, rather than actually listening to you and focusing on what causes you to consider ctb.

IMO, what matters is that you are considering suicide. Other stuff that doesn't apply is being put on top of it and just confuses things that may already be confused and in need of understanding.

I'd probably ask myself, "What is so unmanageable that I consider suicide as a response to it?" That seems a more rational approach.

 

[Bct]

It's frustrating when people just dismiss your frustration just because your age is considered as young enough. There are so much stuffs to do only if the opportunities are wide open, which may not be possible for some people.

 

[anonymousapple]

That is pretty young actually. Young people are impulsive. That doesn't mesh well with ctb.

Once I get the materials, I'm going through with it, it's not going to be an impulse thing and I've been considering it since I was 16, and got more serious about it at 19

Long story short I've had an incredibly fucked up life, a lot of things happened, and I had to survive homelessness, and nowadays I'm just trying to live a normal life with severe anhedonia and BPD and I'm really just tired of surviving. I've tried working out and even became a gym rat for a while, I've tried tennis and basket ball, music, so many other things, one thing that's stuck with me my entire life is video games but I can't even enjoy that anymore.

That's why I want to just get it over with, I'd rather endure 40m-4hr of potential pain rather than live the rest of my life unable to enjoy anything or feel connection with people. and, this is mostly unrelated, but I'm half black half white living in a country with a huge, although unspoken, white superiority. I'm glad the protests are happening, I hope that in a few years they'll actually have made a change in this country, but even if people don't want to admit it white is literally the superior race in America at the moment. We don't have equality yet. I've faced so much racism my entire life and it's one of the factors contributing to why I've been alienated my entire life. I literally have white people talk down to me, rather than talk to me as their equal while I'm at work (car dealership), just because I'm part black.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

As far as I'm concerned my free trial of life has ended now that I'm 18 and I'm not renewing. There's no 'good' age to die anyway so who cares.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

That is pretty young actually. Young people are impulsive. That doesn't mesh well with ctb.

YOURE TELLING OP TO "SNAP OUT OF IT". This is such an unhelpful thing to say.

 

[Despondent]

I'm turning nineteen and it's not fucked up that I won't be seeing my nineteenth birthday.

If you've thought it out and you're sure that this is what you want, there's nothing wrong with that. People younger than in our age range die.

YOURE TELLING OP TO "SNAP OUT OF IT". This is such an unhelpful thing to say.

It's also very invalidating. It invalidates the OP to his/her thoughts and reasons to want to ctb which also pretty much says that they're not really entitled to those feelings -- because they're still "young"

 

[HappyMstake]

I guess to people from the outside who don't know what you're going through, they would most definitely say it's fucked up and you have so much life and good things ahead of you, but the thing is they don't actually know you and what you're going through, they only know what you tell them.

One thing I have to say is if you've thought about it long and hard and you've come to the realization that things aren't getting better and it's better off just ctb, then I hope you find peace.

 

[somniummalum]

Long story short I've had an incredibly fucked up life, a lot of things happened, and I had to survive homelessness, and nowadays I'm just trying to live a normal life with severe anhedonia and BPD and I'm really just tired of surviving. I've tried working out and even became a gym rat for a while, I've tried tennis and basket ball, music, so many other things, one thing that's stuck with me my entire life is video games but I can't even enjoy that anymore.

Your story represents the problem of "too young to ctb" so well. You have endured more pain and suffering in the short time you lived than most people do in +70 years. It's so sad but it is the way it is.
Just be sure to do lots of research and think it through very well, don't give a fk about age.

 

[death unto me]

It is for other people who don't have any idea why you got to this point because for them there's still more to life. But maybe try to think it thoroughly, if you can still endure life, if not, just do your research properly on which method and I hope you find peace and happiness that this world failed to show you.
You don't have to wait for your brain to fully developed for your ctb to be validated.
It's your life and your the only one who gets to decide.

 

[rhiino]

It is always fucked up if somebody has suffered so much that they consider suicide as the best option, isn't it?

I will never understand why people, even here, try to talk people out of suiciding because of age or also because they did not exhaust every possible option to get better. This reasoning puts an inherent value onto life that just isn't there.
The age does not matter and options left also do not matter. Suiciding is about whether you are capable of taking more pain and see a sense in doing so or not. If you suffer too much, it might be the most appealing option, or even the only option.

 

[sadghost]

Hey OP I'm 20, and planning to CTB before my 21st birthday. I completely understand feeling misunderstood because you're relatively young. I'm so sorry that life has brought you so much suffering, your pain is valid and real no matter what age you are.

 

[X-Kid]

I'm 24 here. First attempt was at 19, and it wasn't impulsive, but it wasn't properly planned out either. 2nd attempt was a little over a year ago. Once again, it wasn't a thing where I woke up and decided to do it, but I didn't research a good way to go (don't drink antifreeze)! In November, I experimented with sodium nitrite, but was found unconscious, and failed. I don't have an exact date set, but I have my SN ready to go, cards for those I love ready to be written, and unless things turn around this year or get worse, it's probably going to be 2020 that I ctb.
Sure the brain isn't fully developed until 25, but I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and I doubt it's going to magically start to get better around my 25th birthday.

 

[Fragile]

My first attempt was at 17, now I'm 26 with a "fully developed" brain and not a thing has changed about my life. Only the fact that I somehow managed to ruin it even further and my health issues are getting unbearable.

Not to say that this is what always happens, in fact, I sincerely believe that most people have a real chance of recovery and manage to live an amazing life even after feeling extremely suicidal in their teen or young adult years. the real question is, what do you want with your life? is it worth the effort? you may think that you are too young to die, but following that logic then are not too young to suffer?

the only thing that I can tell you is that an impulsive decision of this magnitude is never a good thing. and you are the only one who can reach a conclusion about it, so think about it thoroughly, make a list of pros and cons, read about both recovery and people who didn't make it. It's your body and your life,only you can judge your own suffering regardless of how young or old you may be.

And that thing that some people are saying about the brain hitting a magic number at 25 is kinda bullshit, that's more of an estimate rather than a real quantifiable answer. Some people finish their development very early in their 20's while some others can get into their early 30's with a brain that's still in development. just like some people stop growing early and some others are still growing well into their 20's, every human is different when it comes to their genes and environment.

 

[blue101]

I'm just curious because anytime I've tried venting about my problems I do hear a lot about "you're so young, you have so much stuff you can do"

im hella lot younger then u and I don't plan on living for another month so don't worry u cant be that fucked up

 

[NoPlaceForme]

My first attempt was at 17, now I'm 26 with a "fully developed" brain and not a thing has changed about my life. Only the fact that I somehow managed to ruin it even further and my health issues are getting unbearable.

Not to say that this is what always happens, in fact, I sincerely believe that most people have a real chance of recovery and manage to live an amazing life even after feeling extremely suicidal in their teen or young adult years. the real question is, what do you want with your life? is it worth the effort? you may think that you are too young to die, but following that logic then are not too young to suffer?

the only thing that I can tell you is that an impulsive decision of this magnitude is never a good thing. and you are the only one who can reach a conclusion about it, so think about it thoroughly, make a list of pros and cons, read about both recovery and people who didn't make it. It's your body and your life,only you can judge your own suffering regardless of how young or old you may be.

And that thing that some people are saying about the brain hitting a magic number at 25 is kinda bullshit, that's more of an estimate rather than a real quantifiable answer. Some people finish their development very early in their 20's while some others can get into their early 30's with a brain that's still in development. just like some people stop growing early and some others are still growing well into their 20's, every human is different when it comes to their genes and environment.

On top of this the sheer fact that nobody asks to be here I don't believe people should be forced to wait until some magic number to be able to end their life. It's an unfortunate situation and I feel what you said. If someone is truly suffering after so long I believe it should be their decision.

 

[charlottewilts]

for me personally I find it fucked up that I lived to 20 years old. how did i manage to be so severely suicidal for so long and not end it? God willing I won't see 21

 

[rhiino]

You are making a good point. It is far more important how long somebody has been suffering instead of what their age is when deciding to end it.