Is it appropriate to recommend someone not to pro-create?

[noname223]

I think this is a difficult question. Maybe it depends on the circumstances and the reasons why you suggest not to pro-create. For example there could be racist reasons but I don't really mean that. I had this idea because I recently wrote in another thread that I was kind of preachy on anitnatalism. I talked a lot to my friends about it and they perceived it differently. One of my friends still has doubts whether he with his health conditions should pro-create. I think I moved him in the no pro-creation direction. But he said he had this thought even before I told him my arguments. Another friend of mine is fully a family guy. He is very close to his family moreover he tries to act morally right. I told him some antinatalism arguments and for a short time he really had doubts about having children. But I stopped talking to him about it because I had the feeling I subtly pressured him. And I absolutely don't want that. I could imagine he would have the most fullfiling life if he pro-created. As I mentioned he is a family guy.

Another friend of mine was pretty offended. He also has mental illness but way way milder than mine. He got angry. And told me I cling to this hope to have a family someday and this is one of my biggest hopes and you want to ruin it for me. I said something like for me I would feel guilty to pro-create due to the fact I have severe mental illness.

It is really a topic people can get offended easily. In my self-help group someone brought the point about severe mental illness and the genetical component. And another person became very very angry and sad. I did not engage in the conversation too much. I did not want to fuel the argument. But a little bit I hinted I sympathize with the idea of the other person.

I am not fully convinced anymore about antinatalism. I was very deep into it. I think there are people with very good genes, a lot of money, live in wealthy countries. I am not sure whether it would be this bad to pro-create for them. Though most people are not this privileged and pro-create anyway. Moreover I am not sure whether it made me more depressed. I don't think it had a big impact rather the nihilism was toxic.

The main reason why I stopped to talk so much about antinatalism has to do with my obsession what other people think of me. There are some hurtful jokes about antinatalists. Like for example these people could not even pro-create if they wanted. Furthermore I try to hide my suffering from many people. And I think it is a fact that I become more and more bitter and resentful. And when I out myself as an antinatalist I am scared I expose myself. Yeah and I consider it a waste of time arguing online with other people about it if I don't make any change in mind anyway. In most discussions there is no common ground anyway.

What do you think is it too personal to intervene in someoneelses family planning? Personally I am very scared my sister will pro-create. I am very very oppossed to it. I even started to "preach" again. Lol. Because my sister is the last person on earth who I want to get children. I explained her my whole reasoning why I think it is a very very bad idea for members of our family to pro-create. She has a very diametrical view on it. And damn I feel so sad for that child. Her partner also comes from a family with many mental illnesses. Fuck I get depressed when I think about that child. I also doubt my sister will be a good mother. Maybe I will be dead before that happens. I think my sister is very convinced on that topic. I stopped talking with her about it because I can't change her mind anyway. And maybe it is not right to intervene this much. Though I think I have a lot of knowledge in this case. And it feels so fucking wrong. There happened something recently which might could change her mind.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Yes.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i think it depends on the situation however it should be handled lightly as it can be hurtful. if i could id like to have a family but i understand that with my mental health i shouldnt. there are some cases where having a child isnt a good idea for the person or the child. you just have to discuss it instead of suggesting it and if they are your friends and still decide they want a family i would be there to help them with whatever is preventing them so they can.

 

[NumbItAll]

I think preaching is never a good way to change someone's mind, but there is nothing wrong with offering your views and arguments if solicited. Beyond that, people will believe and do what they want. For many, there is no amount of reason that will turn off a deeply encoded desire to procreate (see: the current world population).

 

[chloramine]

I think preaching is never a good way to change someone's mind, but there is nothing wrong with offering your views and arguments if solicited. Beyond that, people will believe and do what they want. For many, there is no amount of reason that will turn off a deeply encoded desire to procreate (see: the current world population).

Very much this. Especially if you've already said everything in the past then it's not super likely to change anything. I'd also advise that you don't make that your only topic of discussion. Someone constantly hammering at a disagreement tends to just leave everyone frustrated without resolving anything.

 

[FML_]

Yeah. Overpopulation and child neglect are huge problems, we need to at least normalize antinatalism in less fortunate countries. 99,999% of people do NOT realize what they are doing when they make children. Having kids brings a bigger responsibility than just giving them a roof over their head and providing food for them, yet all these people are doing only just that. And then they have the audacity to complain about gen Z "being too weak". Maybe if you put in some effort to raise them you wouldn't have that problem.

We desperately need to protect society from being a place where everyone is encouraged to have kids, by any means necessary.

 

[ConstantPain]

I'm lucky and glad to know a lot of other childless people. That doesn't change the fact though that a lot of people have told me I have to have a kid. It seems like parents are always trying to recruit us purposely childless people so if it's acceptable for them to do that, I think it's just as acceptable for us to be honest about our alternate view. I would just try to stay away from deeply personal comments and keep it more objective. I don't think we can change the minds of people who really want kids but I agree that it should be more socially acceptable for those of us who don't and think it's good for others to hear our valid reasons. If it makes them think more about procreation even a little that seems like a good thing.