Is is stupid to have fun/spend money before CTB?

[can'tdoitanymore]

I am certain I will die by suicide. I just do not want to be alive anymore. Can't stand the pain and anxiety, can't see a purpose in life, hate myself, hate life.. I have attempted suicide many times in the last four years and been very close to dying. Spent a lot of that time in ICU. I've been in critical condition on life support, in comas etc. I'm not in any way scared of dying so I think it is highly unlikely anything will change. Most of my attempts have been by overdose. I've also tried partial (passed out but never got further than that) and one with jumping. I was pulled to safety while distracted by the police. Now I know about SN i don't think I would fail although there is always a chance SI could kick in or someone could report me missing and I would be saved.

Is it a terrible idea to spend the last few weeks having fun? Going out, treating myself to a haircut and color or some other kind of self care? For the most part I've neglected all that for so long because I knew I was going to die and it seemed pointless. I guess the only reason not to would be if I were to fail and need money to live off but I think even if SN doesn't work for some reason I'll jump so why not enjoy my last moments? But I am not 100% certain I could jump and I don't think I could do full suspension either. Overdosing is my way out and SN seems to be the only relaible way to OD except N which I can't get. Maybe it is selfish but I think it would be nice to have some kind of pleasure in the last few weeks. It wouldn't be sustainable financially so I don't think it would stop me being able to CTB if I enjoy it.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I don't think so. I'm thinking of getting a nice hair cut myself

 

[Garbage Person]

Even the worst criminal offenders get to enjoy a last meal. You pretty much owe it to yourself to enjoy your final days as much as possible.

 

[Glaski]

If your like me you just spend your money in stupid ways anyway . I say go for it. have fun while you can!

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Just don't do anything that'll land you in cuffs or in a jail cell. Least you are prevented from CTBing.

 

[TAW122]

I don't think it's stupid at all, if you are absolutely sure that you are going to CTB. One thing to keep in mind like you said, is that if you change your mind, failed the attempt, or decide to recover, then you would be in a much worse place than before CTB'ing as you would not have the financial means to get out of such a situation and/or (depending on the method) after a failed attempt, being left with permanent injuries and also lots of medical bills on top of losing your rights, further ostracization from society, and more.

Other than that, you are free to do what you wish with your own money.

 

[mattwitt]

Get as many credit cards you can get and max them all out. Screw the world !

 

[BlueWidow]

I agree with all the above. I had considered doing the same as I haven't had my hair done since last July or something. . . But I'm just not in any physical shape to sit in a chair long enough for them to do my hair. But if you have the ability to do it, go for it.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

Just don't do anything that'll land you in cuffs or in a jail cell. Least you are prevented from CTBing.

Oh I won't. More worried about getting put on a psych hold though. I have no intentions of doing anything that should make that happen but I know my family will try if they disagree with anything I do.

 

[Zoltiel]

Yeah that's what I'm doing, I've been eating sushi pretty much every day. Also, there is another reliable OD method: F

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

deleted

 

[_Minsk]

i think its totally fine, using it for yourself, i mean its yours + if you ctb it would be more than rude from others to say anything against that..
i would spend probably 300 on myself and the rest i would give away to close friends and organisations (helping children who cant afford any food etc) or giving it homeless people who might need it the most..
im quite not sure if something like an afterlife exist(not a religion like one) but just in case, sharing it gives me a good feeling tho, and since i wouldn't be here anymore, others could invest it for some better stuff than just short lived consume..
wishing you all the best

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Just saying: maxing out credit cards is a bad idea if you aren't a hundred percent sure of succeeding. And also you should educate yourself on whether or not your relatives then have to pay for those debts after your passing.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Get as many credit cards you can get and max them all out. Screw the world !

I basically did this. Took out loans, credit cards, store cards, bought whatever I wanted with the thought that I will die soon. Ran up tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt, quit my job, just became totally carefree.

 

[liverpoolfan]

I am certain I will die by suicide. I just do not want to be alive anymore. Can't stand the pain and anxiety, can't see a purpose in life, hate myself, hate life.. I have attempted suicide many times in the last four years and been very close to dying. Spent a lot of that time in ICU. I've been in critical condition on life support, in comas etc. I'm not in any way scared of dying so I think it is highly unlikely anything will change. Most of my attempts have been by overdose. I've also tried partial (passed out but never got further than that) and one with jumping. I was pulled to safety while distracted by the police. Now I know about SN i don't think I would fail although there is always a chance SI could kick in or someone could report me missing and I would be saved.

Is it a terrible idea to spend the last few weeks having fun? Going out, treating myself to a haircut and color or some other kind of self care? For the most part I've neglected all that for so long because I knew I was going to die and it seemed pointless. I guess the only reason not to would be if I were to fail and need money to live off but I think even if SN doesn't work for some reason I'll jump so why not enjoy my last moments? But I am not 100% certain I could jump and I don't think I could do full suspension either. Overdosing is my way out and SN seems to be the only relaible way to OD except N which I can't get. Maybe it is selfish but I think it would be nice to have some kind of pleasure in the last few weeks. It wouldn't be sustainable financially so I don't think it would stop me being able to CTB if I enjoy it.

Ask yourself this: if not now, when?

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I basically did this. Took out loans, credit cards, store cards, bought whatever I wanted with the thought that I will die soon. Ran up tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt, quit my job, just became totally carefree.

How long ago was this? And how are you coping with it now?

 

[BPD Barbie]

How long ago was this? And how are you coping with it now?

It's been within the last year I've been running up debt. I'm now financially broken but I want to ctb soon so it doesn't really matter. However, long term, I'd have to declare bankrupt I think.

 

[MrOptions]

Go out with a fucking bang, why not?

 

[RedPanda]

Enjoy life while you still can, i'm doing the exact same thing. Booked another holiday for myself. I'm making sure i make my last moments count.

 

[a.h]

Just saying: maxing out credit cards is a bad idea if you aren't a hundred percent sure of succeeding. And also you should educate yourself on whether or not your relatives then have to pay for those debts after your passing.

 

[Ness]

You do deserve to treat yourself, I agree with the others. Maybe not entirely overdo it just in case things don't work out like planned, but why not do something nice for yourself? Why not eat what you want, go somewhere you want? Do good things for yourself. Find something that makes you smile, if you think you can.