Discussion Is being tired of life a bad reason to CTB?

[AmDead]

I don't have a particularly bad life like most people who want to die. I don't have a terminal or life-affecting illness, no disabilities, no neglect or abuse from anyone, I'm just sick of life. I look into the future and all I see is just years of repetition (work, eat, sleep, etc) and yea, if I keep living maybe I'll get married or have a child, but those don't appeal me at all.
And what's the point if I live to be 80 or I have 7 grandchildren or I become really rich? Nothing seems worth it anymore. Do I really want to just live for the sake of living, just floating through life for several more years? No, I don't.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Not sure there's a "good reason" rule. People on SS also don't generally judge much, unless a member is just being out of line or abusive. My situation is a bit complicated and while I could go on ...... I have chosen not to do so. Maybe SS will assist in framing your thoughts about what you want to do or not do in the future. Best of luck @AmDead.

 

[AmDead]

Thanks @TrailerTrash

 

[Ghost2211]

There is no good or bad reason to CTB. It's you're life, and only you are living it. If you're just bored of meaningless existence maybe seek out new things in life. Think outside the box and see if anything does it for you.

 

[AmDead]

There is no good or bad reason to CTB. It's you're life, and only you are living it. If you're just bored of meaningless existence maybe seek out new things in life. Think outside the box and see if anything does it for you.

You're right about the no good or bad reason to CTB. I think I'm just guilty that I have given up so far ahead while being better off than most people. And as guilty as I feel, I'm also lazy with no motivation to act on my guilt and make things better or try again. I feel like shit.

 

[Ghost2211]

You're right about the no good or bad reason to CTB. I think I'm just guilty that I have given up so far ahead while being better off than most people. And as guilty as I feel, I'm also lazy with no motivation to act on my guilt and make things better or try again. I feel like shit.

Depression can be a comfortable place to be. We all get stuck in the comfort of misery from time to time.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Nah, it's understandable. I remember looking at a website of a guy who was about 60? He had lived a good life, had a good job and a good family. He had enough enjoyment, didn't want to live to be old and dependent (among other things). So he shot himself, but left the website as a memorial of sorts.

I think any reason is legit. Other people may disagree ("they killed themselves for that? Why didn't they just hold on a little longer, it would have passed!"). But suicide is a personal and intimate thing. It doesn't feel right for me to judge.

 

[AmDead]

Nah, it's understandable. I remember looking at a website of a guy who was about 60? He had lived a good life, had a good job and a good family. He had enough enjoyment, didn't want to live to be old and dependent (among other things). So he shot himself, but left the website as a memorial of sorts.

I think any reason is legit. Other people may disagree ("they killed themselves for that? Why didn't they just hold on a little longer, it would have passed!"). But suicide is a personal and intimate thing. It doesn't feel right for me to judge.

Thanks for your input. My parents are exactly the kind of people who would question my reason for suicide if I ever followed through. On the other hand I guess it's understandable that a parent would disagree.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Thanks for your input. My parents are exactly the kind of people who would question my reason for suicide if I ever followed through. On the other hand I guess it's understandable that a parent would disagree.

My parents would question it too. Sorry, gonna rant. Don't feel obligated to read.

I think they believe I'm just using my depression as an excuse to be lazy, not find a better job or...do anything to better myself. And it's easy to see why they may think that. I don't really do anything. I have no goals. I see no future. I have a hard time just getting through the day - making a plan and setting goals is just too much. Ideally I would be able to participate in life, have fulfilling hobbies, have a better job so I could live on my own. But that's just not the case. I've wanted to kill myself for a long, long time. Nothing has changed that.

I guess my mom may be more understanding than I thought, though? She recently posted about suicide awareness on Facebook. While it may have been for show, perhaps there's something more to it.

And really, most parents don't want to imagine burying their child. Especially if the child died by their own hand. Denial is a very powerful thing.

 

[AmDead]

My parents would question it too. Sorry, gonna rant. Don't feel obligated to read.

I think they believe I'm just using my depression as an excuse to be lazy, not find a better job or...do anything to better myself. And it's easy to see why they may think that. I don't really do anything. I have no goals. I see no future. I have a hard time just getting through the day - making a plan and setting goals is just too much. Ideally I would be able to participate in life, have fulfilling hobbies, have a better job so I could live on my own. But that's just not the case. I've wanted to kill myself for a long, long time. Nothing has changed that.

I guess my mom may be more understanding than I thought, though? She recently posted about suicide awareness on Facebook. While it may have been for show, perhaps there's something more to it.

And really, most parents don't want to imagine burying their child. Especially if the child died by their own hand. Denial is a very powerful thing.

Man I feel you. My thoughts exactly...
if you've wanted to kill yourself for a long time, have you tried? You don't have to answer. I have never tried being fully committed. A few times I have crossed the road without looking and slow, or just walked outside in -30C for a few hours but I always back out.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Man I feel you. My thoughts exactly...
if you've wanted to kill yourself for a long time, have you tried? You don't have to answer. I have never tried being fully committed. A few times I have crossed the road without looking and slow, or just walked outside in -30C for a few hours but I always back out.

Nah, I'm always willing to answer. I've definitely made plans in the past. Stupid stuff when I was around 18 and 19 like taking a shitton of pills. I was desperate. But I knew it wouldn't work, not really, and chose to "push forward". I kinda regret not trying back then.

I made a very impulsive attempt earlier this year fueled by meds and a hell of a lot of internal pain. It wasn't taken seriously when I was brave enough to finally admit it a couple of months ago.

I made some serious plans in July. Finished my note, bought Christmas presents for everyone, had my method and everything. But fucking ambivalence and financial issues kept me from following through. I feel like such a coward and I hate myself even more for not being able to do it.

I've been living with these horrible anxiety and depressive disorders for so, so long. It hurts so bad. I just want the pain to stop. But, like you implied, suicide is a very difficult thing to commit to.

 

[Life sucks]

There is no good or bad reason. This is your own experience which is different than everyone else. Pain and suffering is not about competition and who has it worse. You could have what people think is a good life and still think about ctb, its your own life and not theirs. There are many reasons to ctb and some are philosophical or logical and not necessarily related to pain, illnesses, etc

 

[AmDead]

Nah, I'm always willing to answer. I've definitely made plans in the past. Stupid stuff when I was around 18 and 19 like taking a shitton of pills. I was desperate. But I knew it wouldn't work, not really, and chose to "push forward". I kinda regret not trying back then.

I made a very impulsive attempt earlier this year fueled by meds and a hell of a lot of internal pain. It wasn't taken seriously when I was brave enough to finally admit it a couple of months ago.

I made some serious plans in July. Finished my note, bought Christmas presents for everyone, had my method and everything. But fucking ambivalence and financial issues kept me from following through. I feel like such a coward and I hate myself even more for not being able to do it.

I've been living with these horrible anxiety and depressive disorders for so, so long. It hurts so bad. I just want the pain to stop. But, like you implied, suicide is a very difficult thing to commit to.

Sorry to hear. That's exactly why I can't commit. I'm so scared of more pain. I want to ctb to end the pain, but there's risk for even more pain. Maybe it means I'm not desperate enough yet. But I also don't want to live until I'm that desperate. And the longer I think about it, the worse it gets. It makes me so frustrated and sad

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Sorry to hear. That's exactly why I can't commit. I'm so scared of more pain. I want to ctb to end the pain, but there's risk for even more pain. Maybe it means I'm not desperate enough yet. But I also don't want to live until I'm that desperate. And the longer I think about it, the worse it gets. It makes me so frustrated and sad

It's tough. I wish I could say something to help. I guess that's why this website exists though...so people can see that they're not alone in their suffering.

 

[AmDead]

It's tough. I wish I could say something to help. I guess that's why this website exists though...so people can see that they're not alone in their suffering.

Yes, I'm really glad I found this site. I've never been comfortable talking to counselors and not many good friends, so I appreciate people like you and this site a lot.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Yes, I'm really glad I found this site. I've never been comfortable talking to counselors and not many good friends, so I appreciate people like you and this site a lot.

That's relatable. I don't trust counselors, especially after this year, and it seems like so many of them panic when suicide is mentioned. It's a shame.

Thank you. I'm glad you're here, mate.

 

[Joey]

Nah, it's understandable. I remember looking at a website of a guy who was about 60? He had lived a good life, had a good job and a good family. He had enough enjoyment, didn't want to live to be old and dependent (among other things). So he shot himself, but left the website as a memorial of sorts.

I think any reason is legit. Other people may disagree ("they killed themselves for that? Why didn't they just hold on a little longer, it would have passed!"). But suicide is a personal and intimate thing. It doesn't feel right for me to judge.

Martin Manley was his name

 

[Sweet Release]

Maybe you haven't found what you really want to do in life yet?

Anyway, no one here is going to judge you on why you want to CTB.
Sometimes I feel so weary of life as well; like I've seen it all now and and nothing really interests me anymore.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Martin Manley was his name

Thank you. I really gotta start remembering that...

 

[metalgarurumon]

I've been abused & bullied (still am today even!). I think just wanting the weariness of life to be over is perfectly fine. At the end of the day I personally believe it's all about finding peace.

 

[AmDead]

@Sweet Release
Perhaps, but I'm not keen on trying to search for it or waiting until something does interest me.

I've only been on here for a day, but everyone is so understanding. Thank you guys.
@metalgarurumon

 

[usernameNotFound]

There are many reasons to ctb, and yours is also a valid reason!

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i get your point. there's a difference between surviving and living. and who wants to just survive when you can live and thrive?

your reason for wanting to ctb isn't bad or unsual. if your life feels mundane, then it's your choice as to whether or not you want to continue that life. it's your life, and your life alone. nobody can truly judge your reasons because they haven't lived your life.

 

[muffin222]

It's your life and your decision. Being tired of life could be a symptom of depression, and if you want to seek treatment for depression, it may help alleviate that feeling. If you don't and you're completely done, then that's your choice as well. There's no right or wrong

 

[leiche]

but please don't rush it, you are able to do so many good things before you leave like travelling, doing something you was always prohibited to do, etc.

you didn't ask to be born, so there's no reason you must live no matter what. you don't owe anything to anyone.

we all understand you

 

[cyberlordsumit]

Man I feel you. My thoughts exactly...
if you've wanted to kill yourself for a long time, have you tried? You don't have to answer. I have never tried being fully committed. A few times I have crossed the road without looking and slow, or just walked outside in -30C for a few hours but I always back out.

damn... where do you live

 

[Sweet Release]

@Sweet Release
Perhaps, but I'm not keen on trying to search for it or waiting until something does interest me.

I've only been on here for a day, but everyone is so understanding. Thank you guys.
@metalgarurumon

ok well whatever you choose I hope things get easier for you.

 

[AmDead]

damn... where do you live

Lol I assume you're reacting to the -30c thing? It gets even colder sometimes with the windchill.

 

[Silver]

I think they believe I'm just using my depression as an excuse to be lazy, not find a better job or...do anything to better myself. And it's easy to see why they may think that. I don't really do anything. I have no goals. I see no future. I have a hard time just getting through the day - making a plan and setting goals is just too much. Ideally I would be able to participate in life, have fulfilling hobbies, have a better job so I could live on my own. But that's just not the case. I've wanted to kill myself for a long, long time. Nothing has changed that.

I definitely relate to that. My family thinks I'm lazy too. Maybe I am.

 

[nurplexkid]

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